Moms Flaking Out on Playdates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you switch your work schedule? Mornings really are the best time.

I think it is also a bit unusual to want adult interaction from friends every single day. I’m not judging it, I just think that fir many people once or twice a week is good. What about finding an afternoon sitter once a week and join an activity you enjoy just for adults?

Hmmm, so do other people have several days per week when they just interact with their kids and spouse (and maybe small talk with the sitter or cashier or another parent at the park)? And it doesn't feel lonely for them?

And I like the afternoon sitter idea, thank you!

Yup, that would be me. I’m perfectly happy to be just with my family most days. It would give me a lot of anxiety if I had to have a daily playdate.

[Anonymous]

Everyone does play dates and activities in the morning. Afternoon is for nap and then mostly home/neighborhood time before dinner. No way am I going to be trying to drive home at 5pm from a play date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you switch your work schedule? Mornings really are the best time.

I think it is also a bit unusual to want adult interaction from friends every single day. I’m not judging it, I just think that fir many people once or twice a week is good. What about finding an afternoon sitter once a week and join an activity you enjoy just for adults?

Hmmm, so do other people have several days per week when they just interact with their kids and spouse (and maybe small talk with the sitter or cashier or another parent at the park)? And it doesn't feel lonely for them?

And I like the afternoon sitter idea, thank you!

Actually, yes, but my mom lives nearby so I hang out with her a lot too. Most days I only talk to my family and people at work. I only go to the store once a week. I am in a moms group and we have a pretty active group chat so there's that. I have a 1 year old and a 4 year old. My 4 yo doesn't nap and I try to do playdates with kids her age since she really craves the play time wtih kids while my 1 yo could care less. If I get a chance to go out in the evening when DH isn't working, I try to do it without kids to get a break. OP, maybe look for a moms group that meets in person. There's one in my neighborhood but they meet in the mornings. Afternoons may be tough to find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone does play dates and activities in the morning. Afternoon is for nap and then mostly home/neighborhood time before dinner. No way am I going to be trying to drive home at 5pm from a play date.

+1. Pretty much this. I learned not to do afternoon play dates the first time my toddler fell asleep while driving home. She was then up half the night. Never again.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could do some non-work hobbies after you put your kid to bed. I take a class, go to community meetings, participate in organizations, etc. but I do it after 7:30.

[Anonymous]

My advice is to go to the playground every afternoon. Walk if you can. You will meet the regulars and potentially make some great friends. It’s gets easier when your kid is a little older, especially by 2.5yrs old, and they enjoy playing with other kids. Then people are more motivated to make play dates happen because the kids love them. I hope you find a great neighborhood friend- when I only had my first kid we met a neighbor with one kid the same age. They became great friends and we all went to the park almost every afternoon for two years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you can get anyone to agree to anything in the afternoon. Kids this age nap. Why isn't your kid napping?

And I wouldn't wake up a baby for a play date.

My kid naps 12:30-3:00, which leaves plenty of time for an afternoon outing.

Ok. Kids that age typically start napping anywhere from 12:30-2 and sleep anywhere from 3-5. By later in the day, you're getting into getting ready for dinner, older kids' activities, etc.

You're asking why people are flaky and it's probably because afternoons with a baby can just be tough.

I'm not asking why people are flaky - I get it, and I'm not taking it personally. I'm just wondering how other moms who don't have mornings free handle this. Like, am I just doomed to loneliness because I have a job? Or is there some way to not be lonely without having regular get-togethers with friends, since it seems logistically impossible

OP, I read your post above and this last briefer one and I can't stop thinking that you are being all about you. I don't mean to be harsh but your posts at least come across as your being lonely, your wanting to hang out, your desire to see, well, anyone ...
I appreciate that you are being honest in wanting to fulfill a need that you have but maybe other moms are sensing that as well and do not want to be a person who checks a box for you? I know I wouldn't. I have limited time and with that time I desire to nurture genuine relationships. I do not want to spend time with a person to whom I am interchangeable in their quest to not be alone.

[Anonymous]

Afternoon play dates are super inconvenient with toddlers. Could you work in the afternoon and spend time doing kid stuff in the morning?

If you did that you could reliably see someone everyday.

[Anonymous]

There are definitely parents out there looking for afternoon play dates. My kid happened to be a night owl so he'd sleep in and be lively in the early afternoon when other kids his age were napping. The advice to go to parks in the afternoon is good. Talk to parents with older/younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice is to go to the playground every afternoon. Walk if you can. You will meet the regulars and potentially make some great friends. It’s gets easier when your kid is a little older, especially by 2.5yrs old, and they enjoy playing with other kids. Then people are more motivated to make play dates happen because the kids love them. I hope you find a great neighborhood friend- when I only had my first kid we met a neighbor with one kid the same age. They became great friends and we all went to the park almost every afternoon for two years.

+1 - this is your best bet to find others who are around at the same time as you are. I agree with all the PPs who have already said that mornings are easiest for most families, and that's a big part of why you're having trouble finding people who want to make plans in the afternoon. I'd also say gently this is a very weird time - many are feeling extremely cautious as Covid numbers rise, are consciously dialing back plans after a year+ of doing things differently, and so many other things. I totally get being a lonely parent to a young child - many of us have been there. But daily get togethers are especially hard to come by right now. For what it's worth, I found friends through an activity (a group exercise class), not through playdates or preschool or moms' groups when my kids were smaller.

[Anonymous]

OP I can totally relate. My kids are 2.5 and 5 now so it's different, but I absolutely sought out adult company (usually other moms) every single day when I was home with them. But, as others have noted,mornings at that age were easiest. Sometimes I could swing an afternoon of the stars aligned,but I knew I couldn't count on it. I happen to live in an area with tons of babies and kids and there was always someone in my parent group (we have a community online that also meets in person) who was up for a coffee/walk/playground with the kids. It really saved my sanity and I know I would have had a hard time as a new parent in a less dense area where those meet ups couldn't happen as easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely parents out there looking for afternoon play dates. My kid happened to be a night owl so he'd sleep in and be lively in the early afternoon when other kids his age were napping. The advice to go to parks in the afternoon is good. Talk to parents with older/younger kids.

Mine too, so we didn't have many meet-ups when my kids were babies/toddlers. Even if my kids had more conventional schedules, it would never have occurred to me to try to plan a playdate every day. I'm an introvert, but beyond that, back then I don't think I even knew any other moms who were home for any part of the workday *and* lived nearby. Playdates every day is not a realistic expectation. But going to the playground regularly and trying to connect with friendly parents *is* a good idea.