Single mom of teens vs 58 year old bf’s request for attention

[Anonymous]

I’m a divorced 46 year old mom of two teenagers. They alternate one week with me/one week with their Dad. My 58 almost 59 year old boyfriend recently had a tantrum and continues to pout about how low he is on my totem pole of obligations. I pretty well laughed at his childish behavior, and for suggesting he is in competition with my kids for my attention. He also has 100% forgotten how he “prioritizes” his older kid over me. I just never have felt threatened or bothered by it- seems like normal parenting. Is this a man-baby problem? Or what?

How do you deal with this? When we are together, I am very attentive. I’m feeling surprised and stuck because I certainly won’t dial back on my Mom role.

[Anonymous]

Yes, he sounds like a man-baby. Who's going to take care of you when you're old? Not this guy! Kids come first, and if he doesn't like it he can scram.

[Anonymous]

I'd dump him. I don't need that crap in my life.

[Anonymous]

Total man-baby problem and it's only going to get worse as he gets older. Move on and find someone fun and easygoing to spend your free time with! That's the way to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

OP - your BF should be low on your totem pole of obligations.

Do you disagree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he sounds like a man-baby. Who's going to take care of you when you're old? Not this guy! Kids come first, and if he doesn't like it he can scram.

Thanks that was my inclination. But I find his fussing especially lame because he has done the EXACT SAME THING (canceled our plans to see his kid, tagged along on my pre-planned vacation with my two, with his older teen kid and her friend that thoroughly degraded the trip, refused to take me to ER when I was injured because he had to drop a book off at her school, etc etc.) I have endless examples of him prioritizing his kids over me, even when I needed him urgently. So I’m kind of feeling a bit of gratification perhaps, but he is too dense to notice it… ugh men forever selfish…?

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP on not dialing back your Mom role.

Your boyfriend is being very selfish for trying to make you guilty for being a present + attentive parent to your kids.

He KNEW you had kids when he decided to be in your life - how dare he complain about it now??

If he continues on like this > no one would blame you if you left this man-baby‼️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - your BF should be low on your totem pole of obligations.

Do you disagree?

No quite the opposite! I am still in intense Mom mode with HS and getting ready for college etc. He is a nice companion/good shag/good BF, but not my husband! I just want to be kind/respectful of his feelings even though I think those feelings are ludicrous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP on not dialing back your Mom role.

Your boyfriend is being very selfish for trying to make you guilty for being a present + attentive parent to your kids.

He KNEW you had kids when he decided to be in your life - how dare he complain about it now??

If he continues on like this > no one would blame you if you left this man-baby‼️

Awe thank you. 💛 Well, I suppose in my vacuum of not knowing if I am a jerk or not, this is very helpful.

I am very sweet and attentive and loving with him, because I genuinely love him. But
kids always first… has anyone else had to manage needs of BF while co-parenting? Dumb question I’m sure many of you have.

[Anonymous]

Now you have some insight as to why he may be divorced! He’s a whining man child and you really don’t need him in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now you have some insight as to why he may be divorced! He’s a whining man child and you really don’t need him in your life.

Yes- indeed. It’s taken 5+ years to see/understand these patterns of his demand to be center, but now I do. His complaints about ex-wife make more sense now- I feel empathy for her. He is very charming, smart, accomplished, etc, so it’s easy to be enamored by him.

Maybe I just acknowledge his complaints and carryon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP on not dialing back your Mom role.

Your boyfriend is being very selfish for trying to make you guilty for being a present + attentive parent to your kids.

He KNEW you had kids when he decided to be in your life - how dare he complain about it now??

If he continues on like this > no one would blame you if you left this man-baby‼️

Awe thank you. 💛 Well, I suppose in my vacuum of not knowing if I am a jerk or not, this is very helpful.

I am very sweet and attentive and loving with him, because I genuinely love him. But
kids always first… has anyone else had to manage needs of BF while co-parenting? Dumb question I’m sure many of you have.

I did but he was great as he knew what my priorities were and he respected them. Sadly, my kids couldn’t accept him being in my life and they made his life miserable but he was a saint and never complained. He finally just said goodbye at which point my kids realized what they had done but it was too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP on not dialing back your Mom role.

Your boyfriend is being very selfish for trying to make you guilty for being a present + attentive parent to your kids.

He KNEW you had kids when he decided to be in your life - how dare he complain about it now??

If he continues on like this > no one would blame you if you left this man-baby‼️

Awe thank you. 💛 Well, I suppose in my vacuum of not knowing if I am a jerk or not, this is very helpful.

I am very sweet and attentive and loving with him, because I genuinely love him. But
kids always first… has anyone else had to manage needs of BF while co-parenting? Dumb question I’m sure many of you have.

I did but he was great as he knew what my priorities were and he respected them. Sadly, my kids couldn’t accept him being in my life and they made his life miserable but he was a saint and never complained. He finally just said goodbye at which point my kids realized what they had done but it was too late.

Thanks for sharing sorry to hear this. Kids vs parents new significant other is very tricky. Sometimes I wonder if I can even EVER have a new spouse. My children will always be my top priority…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, he sounds like a man-baby. Who's going to take care of you when you're old? Not this guy! Kids come first, and if he doesn't like it he can scram.

Thanks that was my inclination. But I find his fussing especially lame because he has done the EXACT SAME THING (canceled our plans to see his kid, tagged along on my pre-planned vacation with my two, with his older teen kid and her friend that thoroughly degraded the trip, refused to take me to ER when I was injured because he had to drop a book off at her school, etc etc.) I have endless examples of him prioritizing his kids over me, even when I needed him urgently. So I’m kind of feeling a bit of gratification perhaps, but he is too dense to notice it… ugh men forever selfish…?

OP, DTMFA and find someone else. This guy is gonna get worse with age and you deserve better.

[Anonymous]

OP good for you for sticking to your priorities. When I was a teenager my mom had an older boyfriend like that and often left my sister and I alone to spend time with him. My sister hated it and we still have issues with him being selfish to this day.