Best response to someone telling you they have separated?

[Anonymous]

DD told me her friend’s parents have separated and are planning to divorce. We are friendly with the parents but not close friends.

I’m not planning to bring it up/say anything but I assume at some point the mom will tell me. How should I respond? I think I read on DCUM that I’m not supposed to say “I’m sorry to hear that.” because she might be happy?

What do I say?

[Anonymous]

Say nothing.

[Anonymous]

I will always say I'm sorry to hear that, because it means I'm sorry that they couldn't find happiness together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say nothing.

So she says, “you might have already heard but John and I have separated.” I just stare at her and don’t respond? That can’t be right.

[Anonymous]

Say congratulations.

[Anonymous]

"I'm sorry to hear it hasn't been working out. Is there anything I can do to help you to get through this?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'm sorry to hear it hasn't been working out. Is there anything I can do to help you to get through this?"

Yup.

[Anonymous]

I would say “oh my goodness. How are you doing?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say nothing.

So she says, “you might have already heard but John and I have separated.” I just stare at her and don’t respond? That can’t be right.

Really??

"I'm sorry to hear that, let me know if there's anything we can do for you"

[Anonymous]

OP here. I could have sworn a bunch of posters on here said they didn’t want pity or sympathy. But I guess I will just stick with the standard “sorry to hear that.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say “oh my goodness. How are you doing?”

I like this. “Oh my goodness” shows that you know this is big news, but you are not naming a value judgment either way. Then offer support.

[Anonymous]

“I’m so sorry that’s really hard.”

[Anonymous]

Please let me know if I can be helpful with your transition. Treat it like a new job / layoff. You have no idea which.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I could have sworn a bunch of posters on here said they didn’t want pity or sympathy. But I guess I will just stick with the standard “sorry to hear that.”

I dunno but I think some of it is in how you deliver it. "How are you doing" can come across as friendly concern or implied judgment. "Sorry to hear to that" can come across as "gee it would have been nice if things had gone better" or "you are doomed to a life of loneliness and penury". Exaggerating of course...

[Anonymous]

I really didn’t want to talk about it. I felt people were nosy.