Best response to someone telling you they have separated?

[Anonymous]

I always liked when people asked me, "is that good news or bad?" and then proceeded from there. There are, indeed, times when the news is exceptionally good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have said to a friend, "I'm sorry but wish everyone the best moving forward". In late HS, there were a number of divorces and it sucked for everyone involved.

For me, my spouse had cheated and left me, so it stung when people (most of whom did not know specifics) wished my STBX the best when talking to me. If you don't know anything except that the couple is splitting, I would focus on the person in front of you, "I'm sorry, but I'm wishing you the best moving forward." I agree with some of the pp that you can follow her cues if you are talking with her about whether this is a good, bad, or neutral event.

[Anonymous]

Neutral caring tone. Listen.

Depending on how she says it, I would either go with “that’s a big transition, how’s it going?” Or “Wow, it sounds like it’s been quite a time for you guys. How are you feeling?”

[Anonymous]

People, even close friends, love to gossip over the state of other people's marriages. Several years ago we told our alleged best friends that we were going through some stuff and were separating but not sure where it would lead and wanted to keep it private for the time being (which would have been easy because the kids were all out of school and we had downsized to another neighborhood). We were back together in a few months, but after someone told us a year after we were back together how "sorry" they were to hear we had separated, we pieced together that our friends had told half the neighborhood. My spouse has semi gotten over it. I haven't and never will.

My going in assumption would be that OP's friend does NOT want to talk about her marriage with just anybody. I certainly would not bring it up first, and if she does I'd just say "yes, my daughter told me but I want to respect your privacy. Are you doing ok?" Then follow her lead. But, please, be a real friend and don't gossip about her to anybody else, no matter how good you think your intentions are.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can really go too wrong if you aren't the one to bring it up, if you keep it light and not really emotional (unless they start getting emotional), and you don't badmouth the ex.

[Anonymous]

I would lightheartedly say, "Oh sh*t. Should I say congratulations or offer condolences?"

[Anonymous]

I usually say, "That can be hard even if it's for the best..."
Often, too, the person will give clues as to their position on the matter. If they're crying, "congrats!" is not in order...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have said to a friend, "I'm sorry but wish everyone the best moving forward". In late HS, there were a number of divorces and it sucked for everyone involved.

For me, my spouse had cheated and left me, so it stung when people (most of whom did not know specifics) wished my STBX the best when talking to me. If you don't know anything except that the couple is splitting, I would focus on the person in front of you, "I'm sorry, but I'm wishing you the best moving forward." I agree with some of the pp that you can follow her cues if you are talking with her about whether this is a good, bad, or neutral event.

I'm the pp. Thank you for this insight. You're right.