Can I send my in-laws home?

[Anonymous]

MIL and FIL agreed to watch our kids while our nanny is on vacation. They said they would do it months ago when our nanny first asked for the time off. They came on Tuesday AM and have maybe helped us for an hour total since they arrived. They are supposed to stay until next Wednesday.

FIL isn’t generally helpful but my MIL is, however she has been working most of the day because “last minute important meetings came up”. DH and I are both working from home and are scrambling to watch the kids all day since MIL locked herself in a room to do Zooms.

At this point they aren’t helping at all and have just become two more mouths to feed and clean up after. Is there a way to nicely tell them they should just go home? DH thinks it will insult his mom too much but I am seriously pissed.

[Anonymous]

This would anger me too. Your DH has to handle it. If he doesn't step up then you need to go nuclear.

[Anonymous]

I would ask if they are able to babysit as originally agreed. If not, find an emergency backup sitter. You’ll have to just swallow the cost. I wouldn’t send them home.

[Anonymous]

If you want them to babysit, you have to leave the house. I think this is an iron rule of grandparents. It’s true of my own parents and they are lovely.

[Anonymous]

No, wth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want them to babysit, you have to leave the house. I think this is an iron rule of grandparents. It’s true of my own parents and they are lovely.

If that possible for you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want them to babysit, you have to leave the house. I think this is an iron rule of grandparents. It’s true of my own parents and they are lovely.

If that possible for you, OP?

This feels like the right answer. It even helps with the phrasing. "Okay, so we are planning on working from the library tomorrow. MIL, I know you've had some work things come up - will you be able to watch the kids while we're gone? Or do you have more work meetings you'll need to tend to? We'll be gone from 9am to 5pm."

Then, see what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want them to babysit, you have to leave the house. I think this is an iron rule of grandparents. It’s true of my own parents and they are lovely.

If that possible for you, OP?

This feels like the right answer. It even helps with the phrasing. "Okay, so we are planning on working from the library tomorrow. MIL, I know you've had some work things come up - will you be able to watch the kids while we're gone? Or do you have more work meetings you'll need to tend to? We'll be gone from 9am to 5pm."

Then, see what she says.

So put it all on the MIL and not on FIL?

This just sounds like a poorly thought-out plan. I would say that OP should have her DH deal with it - OP should leave and let the three other adults sort it out.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to leave the house if you want them to babysit. Maybe before leaving, remind them that you invited them to babysit for you while you work, and if that is not going to work out any longer (starting tomorrow), then you need to hire a sitter. Going forward, never invite them with the expectation of babysitting again. My mom did the same thing to us - it wasn't even Zoom calls - in the morning when DH and I were both on work calls and trying to balance everything, she was getting ready to go on a long bike ride! For now on, we only invite her with the expectation that she's on vacation. Same with my dad, but there was never any ambiguity there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want them to babysit, you have to leave the house. I think this is an iron rule of grandparents. It’s true of my own parents and they are lovely.

If that possible for you, OP?

This feels like the right answer. It even helps with the phrasing. "Okay, so we are planning on working from the library tomorrow. MIL, I know you've had some work things come up - will you be able to watch the kids while we're gone? Or do you have more work meetings you'll need to tend to? We'll be gone from 9am to 5pm."

Then, see what she says.

So put it all on the MIL and not on FIL?

This just sounds like a poorly thought-out plan. I would say that OP should have her DH deal with it - OP should leave and let the three other adults sort it out.

This, and also, is DH actually participating in childcare now? I know the OP says they are both “scrambling” but if it were my situation DH would be tuning out the chaos while I threw down bowls of crackers. So I would leave, which would then cause DH to be like “no mom for real I have a call now step up.”

[Anonymous]

No, hire a babysitter and suck it up for a week..

[Anonymous]

You say MIL is helpful but what did she do Tuesday and Wednesday? I think you need to sit with them tonight and say you are now backlogged with work because the childcare hasn’t been working out this week so you need a new plan. Ask if they can really commit to 9-5 help next week or will you need to get a backup sitter.

[Anonymous]

You can't send them home, but you absolutely can stop picking up after them and feeding them.

I agree with the PPs that this is a DH problem and you need to ask how he plans to fix it (without expecting you to stop working).

[Anonymous]

To be fair, they have only been there two days. Not worth the hard feelings you would cause by getting upset and telling them to leave. DH can ask his parents directly for specific help with the kids. I’d tough it out and never ask them again.

[Anonymous]

No. But you can leave and let H deal with this circus. I’d divide my day between working outside at Starbucks or whatever coffee shop, working outside at a restaurant of my choice for a leisurely lunch, and perhaps from a park for the remainder of the afternoon. Rinse and repeat.

This is precisely why we have declined to have the ILs come “watch” the children this summer. Our guest room doubles as our office and the person not using that space uses the dining room table, which is open to the entire first floor. Short of one of us working from our bedroom and the other camping out to work in one of the kids’ rooms, guests are just not a possibility this summer since it would mean giving up our one office space and trying to hide from 4 additional people in the house. Thanks, no thanks. The kids will go to camp. Happy (though not really) to have you “vacation” at our house once our offices are open. Also, the idea of coming to the home of two working parents with young kids and adding to that load, especially during this time is just baffling to me, always has been since the first time my ILs announced they loved “vacationing” at our house.