What to do about a spouse who sees nothing wrong with cheating:
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Anonymous
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My husband and I have a son who will be turning 5 in the first week of October this year. He should be going to Kindergarten this year, but at my husband's insistence, he was redshirted and won't be going until next year, when he's almost 6. When the idea of redshirting came up several months ago, I was absolutely against it, because I believed it was cheating. I told my husband over and over again how unfair it would be to our son's classmates if they had to compete with someone with a year of experience on them. But since my husband is the breadwinner, he ultimately won, so our son will be in preK for another year.
It's too late to enroll him in K this year, and I've accepted it. However, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and have come to the realization that this won't be cheating as long as our son doesn't enter competitions, such as running for class president and valedictorian, sports, applying for top colleges, etc. I have proposed to my husband that we don't let our son enter any competitions, play sports(unless he can play with kids his age instead of kids in his grade), or apply to any prestigious colleges, public or private. This way, our son's age-appropriate classmates will always have a fighting chance to win these school competitions. However, that's still not good enough for my husband. He thinks our son should be allowed to enter whatever competition he wants, even though it's going to kill many dreams for those who play fair. He just doesn't seem to understand that winning a competition against kids a year younger than you isn't anything to be proud of. |
Anonymous
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Reaction to first paragraph: Wait what? Because your husband is the breadwinner ... why exactly does that entitle him to make all final decisions on child-raising? What is that backass logic there?
Reaction to second paragraph: You are both insane and it's entirely possible you deserve each other. You can NOT tell your son he can't try out for the school play or band lest he get a good spot in them. This is not his fault. You are both crazy in different ways. |
Anonymous
| You can still send your child this year if you want. I have a fall kid who we sent on time and is doing great. |
Anonymous
| Maybe your husband didn't listen to you because you have funny notions on what constitutes 'cheating'. |
Anonymous
So you don't anything wrong with rewarding a 6-year-old for proving that they're smarter than most 5-year-olds? |
Anonymous
| Lady, you’ve posted about this a thousand times. You need help. |
Anonymous
My summer birthday kid wound up skipping 1st grade. Is it fair to reward him for proving he's smarter than kids older than him? Just because you're older doesn't mean you're smarter. Just like just because you're bigger doesn't mean you're more athletic. My DD was the smallest kid in her school in 1st grade, and routinely beat all the K-2nd graders in races. |
Anonymous
Yes it is, actually. It's really to compete against kids older than you, as they're more experienced in the world. Your son has proven that he's very plucky and gifted. But it doesn't require any pluck to compete against kids younger than you. Haven't you ever heard the saying, "Pick on someone your own size?". |
Anonymous
Seriously. You need way, way more help than DCUM can offer. |
Anonymous
Sorry, I mean to say, "It's really hard to compete against kids older than you". I left out the word "hard". |
Anonymous
| Ma’am what are you talking about please |
Anonymous
Reality is the 6 year old isn't smarter, only older. |
Anonymous
| Why are DCUM anti-redshirt posters so weird? Between this OP, natural law lady, and carnival ride lady, it's quite the freak show. |
Anonymous
That's the point I'm trying to make. I guess the more appropriate way to word it would be "It's wrong to reward a 6-year-old for outperforming a bunch of 5-year-olds". Our son was born in 2016, and my husband wants him to be rewarded for outperforming kids born in 2017. |
Anonymous
| Father of August twins here. Our first choice school encouraged us to have them be the oldest in the class. So that is what we did. |