What to do about a spouse who sees nothing wrong with cheating:

[Anonymous]

I don’t normally call troll, but this is so ridiculous, it’s hard to imagine otherwise. The title is clearly clickbait, implying that the husband is trying to justify an affair.

On the off chance, that this is a sincere (if crazy person):

Kids are not widgets. Life is not a 0 sum competition. Doing what’s best for your kid’s education is good for their classmates and society as a whole.

Kids are not widgets - every kid has strengths and weaknesses. They develop at different rates. They have various environmental factors (family income, education, values/priorities , etc.) acting upon them. Even if you grouped kids together by the day (as opposed to the year) they were born, it wouldn’t be equal. Some of the kids would be bigger, some better at math, some would have perfect pitch, some might have specific interests in space, bugs, fashion, etc. Some would have articulation problems, bathroom difficulties, etc.

Life is not a 0 sum competition - Just as kids vary, opportunities vary. The key is to find the best match, which really isn’t dependent on age. If the world had at any given time been blessed with 2 Einstein’s, Hawkins, Mozart’s, Franklins, Shakespeare’s (or whoever wrote under his name), de Vinci’s, etc., do you think anybody would have said that society could only use one, so the younger one should go dig ditches?

Doing what’s best for your child benefits their classmates and society. There are many reasons why a parent might choose to redshirt a child, which are usually balanced by the knowledge there will be an opportunity cost. Life is messy, and rarely clear cut. Most parents I know agonize over the decision because they know it will have very real drawbacks for their child. A child may be ready academically, but immature socially. Holding this child back will mean the parents can expect the child will frequently be bored, not have the opportunity to face challenges and overcoming them, and may eventually lose interest in school. This child if not redshirted might potentially be more likely to be disruptive in class because they’re not developmentally ready/haven’t learned to sit still and quiet for prolonged periods, focus their attention on a task, take turns, etc. This child might potentially be a target for bullies or a bully themself. On the other hand, holding back a child who is ready socially, but not academically, may mean that they they may be cut off from friends, but if not redshirted, they may struggle learning crucial foundational skills they’re not ready developmentally for. For them, this could lead to a poor self image (I can’t do what everyone else can, I’m stupid, school’s not for me, etc.). This child may withdraw or act out, but they’re not going to participate to their full potential. Would you want that kid to be a partner on a group project? There’s usually no perfect answer, but parents acting in their child’s best interests not only makes them better classmates, but gives them a better chance at maximizing their potential. Society needs every kid to achieve as much as possible, to be our future scientists curing cancer, engineers inventing things to combat climate change, diplomats to help us avert war and embrace peace, leaders to guide the country/world, not to mention we want the people we interact with daily to be experts at their jobs, and in a more general sense to have the general knowledge necessary to be good citizens.

Some kids may need to be redshirted, or held back a year. Some kids may need to start early or skip a year. Neither is cheating or negatively affecting kids who generally fit in the standard progression. Allowing them to find their best fit actually means that the standard track has fewer outliers and will be a better fit for them. Any arbitrary cutoff will be too early for some and too late for others. Requiring everybody to rigidly adhere to it anyway, with the intent of making sure nobody gets an unfair advantage, actually disadvantages everyone.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP is a troll. I think OP is someone who is pretty disturbed, with a problematic marriage that might be imaginary. She posts here periodically and her posts are always bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have a son who will be turning 5 in the first week of October this year. He should be going to Kindergarten this year, but at my husband's insistence, he was redshirted and won't be going until next year, when he's almost 6. When the idea of redshirting came up several months ago, I was absolutely against it, because I believed it was cheating. I told my husband over and over again how unfair it would be to our son's classmates if they had to compete with someone with a year of experience on them. But since my husband is the breadwinner, he ultimately won, so our son will be in preK for another year.

It's too late to enroll him in K this year, and I've accepted it. However, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and have come to the realization that this won't be cheating as long as our son doesn't enter competitions, such as running for class president and valedictorian, sports, applying for top colleges, etc. I have proposed to my husband that we don't let our son enter any competitions, play sports(unless he can play with kids his age instead of kids in his grade), or apply to any prestigious colleges, public or private. This way, our son's age-appropriate classmates will always have a fighting chance to win these school competitions. However, that's still not good enough for my husband. He thinks our son should be allowed to enter whatever competition he wants, even though it's going to kill many dreams for those who play fair. He just doesn't seem to understand that winning a competition against kids a year younger than you isn't anything to be proud of.

My kids go to a private school where lots of kids are red-shirted. If you think it’s a ticket to bring a dream-crusher you’re crazy. They’re just slightly older kids not LeBron in a pick up game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your husband didn't listen to you because you have funny notions on what constitutes 'cheating'.

So you don't anything wrong with rewarding a 6-year-old for proving that they're smarter than most 5-year-olds?

How do you know your son is going to be smarter than most of his class?

[Anonymous]

Since when is sending a 5 year old to kindergarten considered redshirting? That’s the normal age. Am I missing something?

[Anonymous]

Jesus woman. It’s elementary school T-ball, not the Olympics. Unless your kid starts juicing, he’s fine. Let the poor kid have a normal childhood and maybe start worrying about your own education instead so you can also be a breadwinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since when is sending a 5 year old to kindergarten considered redshirting? That’s the normal age. Am I missing something?

OP is just trying to show how woke she is. Same mindset of the idiots who think parents need to stop reading to their kids because it puts other kids at a disadvantage.

[Anonymous]

I just wanna know which kindergarten class has kids running for class president and applying for college. I’d love to hear the valedictorian’s speech at kindergarten graduation.

[Anonymous]

It’s not cheating unless you have a December cut off. My son went to K at barely 5 and he has multiple classmates who are 9-13 months older - and he is doing just fine. Don’t worry about it and let your kid do things he wants to as far as competition. The age difference is not nearly as apparent as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Quite frankly, you sound insane.

[Anonymous]

Ma’am, this is an Arby’s.

[Anonymous]

What the hell? This is not what I expected to be reading in this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when is sending a 5 year old to kindergarten considered redshirting? That’s the normal age. Am I missing something?

OP is just trying to show how woke she is. Same mindset of the idiots who think parents need to stop reading to their kids because it puts other kids at a disadvantage.

This is actually a thing? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reaction to first paragraph: Wait what? Because your husband is the breadwinner ... why exactly does that entitle him to make all final decisions on child-raising? What is that backass logic there?

Reaction to second paragraph: You are both insane and it's entirely possible you deserve each other. You can NOT tell your son he can't try out for the school play or band lest he get a good spot in them. This is not his fault. You are both crazy in different ways.

This.

[Anonymous]

As a lower school teacher, let me ease your mind: about 50% of families do this in private school. The oldest kids have better leadership, social, emotional, and academic skills. Almost all teachers redshirt their kids because of this. This isn't cheating- it's optimizing your child's potential in school. You don't live in DC or NY, do you?