My wife talks bad about me to her friends but treats me normal…

[Anonymous]

My wife talks bad about me to her friends but treats me normal like nothing is wrong. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

How do you know she's talking about you?

[Anonymous]

Set an example. Talk directly to her. "Hey, I overheard you talking to Larla about how XYZ was bothering you, but you never said anything about that to me. What's going on?"

Be prepared to discuss both the underlying issue you found out about and the bigger issue of you hearing about it indirectly, calmly and constructively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she's talking about you?

Mutual friends.

[Anonymous]

(1) How do you know she's talking about you?
(2) What kinds of things is she saying about you? Are we walking deep, dark secrets, or never-does-the-laundry kind of stuff?

My guess would be that either she's just venting or she's trying to fit in and this particular group includes "complaints about our husbands" or "annoying things men do" as a kind of bonding topic. Not saying that's great, but it's fairly normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she's talking about you?

Mutual friends.

What is she saying? Everyone complains about their spouse's minor annoying qualities. It's kind of like how everyone complains about their jobs.

[Anonymous]

She might also be seeking a gut check on whether the thing that bothering her is a real problem that she needs to deal with, or a normal, petty annoyance that is common to other women. She's getting the feedback that this is a normal thing that married women deal with, so she's not saying anything to you about it.

OR she's afraid to raise it with you, because she's conflict-avoidant, or out of fear of an argument, or your bad temper, or because she thinks it will be futile, or because you always deflect it back onto her, or some other reason.

[Anonymous]

Even the best husband sucks. If a woman friend never complains about her husband I get rid of her. We have to support each other in managing spousal misery.

[Anonymous]

There is a woman in our friend group who is notoriously annoying with the complaining of her husband. The topic of conversation leads back to how unhappy she is in her marriage. The broken record of conversation has become embarrassing to be around with other people. You should confront her directly. Her friends are tired of the pity party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a woman in our friend group who is notoriously annoying with the complaining of her husband. The topic of conversation leads back to how unhappy she is in her marriage. The broken record of conversation has become embarrassing to be around with other people. You should confront her directly. Her friends are tired of the pity party.

Or they all complain about their spouses, and there's one tattletale in the group who's trying to start some drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she's talking about you?

Mutual friends.

Be careful with this some people are wolves and sheep clothing and I've known more than one marriage to be harmed by a trouble maker " friend"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she's talking about you?

Mutual friends.

What are you, in eight grade?

You should ask your wife about it. First, because maybe you have things you need to discuss. Second, because this mutual friend might be a pot stirrer who is distorting things. And third, your wife deserves to know this person is not trustworthy

[Anonymous]

Some women do this as a bonding thing -- they also complain about their kids. Maybe even pets. Doesn't mean they don't love them.

Some women also do this as part of their self-bad-talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she's talking about you?

Mutual friends.

What are you, in eight grade?

You should ask your wife about it. First, because maybe you have things you need to discuss. Second, because this mutual friend might be a pot stirrer who is distorting things. And third, your wife deserves to know this person is not trustworthy

+1

[Anonymous]

EX Wife would talk poorly about me. Found out she had been cheating the entire time. This is your wife’s way of making herself look better or sympathy for cheating. Get a lawyer.