When you caught your spouse cheating…
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Anonymous
| How soon did they leave the house? |
Anonymous
| Stop watching so much TV. |
Anonymous
| 7 years later |
Anonymous
| Which time? |
Anonymous
|
I wanted to ask him to leave the next day. But, because we had 2 kids, I gave him 2.5 years. I hoped he would use being caught, but instead he just told enormous lies trying to cover his tracks while he continued.
Once Wednesday, I had enough. I drove to a couples therapy session with him. On the way, I pulled over and told him it was over and he had to leave the house by Friday and that the only purpose of the therapy session we were driving to was to talk about how to tell the kids and what kind of custody/visitation to arrange. He spent the whole session in shock, disbelieving that this had finally come. I was glad that therapist worked with him for the hour to help him come to the reality of his situation. He left 2 days later. I felt an enormous sense of relief. |
Anonymous
|
Next day. He slept in the basement that night. I wanted him out of the house immediately but gave him that time. When I discovered I put on an Oscar worthy performance and did not act strange in front of kids. We drove to a parking lot so he could confirm what I knew and I made him get out of car. He walked home several miles.
We told the kids he had a work trip. It was during start of Covid so even crazier time. He was in an Airbnb for 2 weeks until I let him come home and sleep in basement at night. Kids never noticed anything because he would get up at crack of dawn so they didn’t know he was doing that. |
Anonymous
This sounds awful, sorry you went through this. You mentioned your kids three times so I’m guessing they knew. That energy permeates and children are highly perceptive. Hope you’re healing well. |
Anonymous
Thank you. It is very, very rough to go through. Nobody understands unless they have actually gone through this in a long marriage with kids. The kids did not act any differently. Happy, goofy straight A students. We talked to our therapists about that specifically. If there’s one thing spouse and I are in agreement on, we’d lay our lives down for our kids. Fiercely protective. My husband’s father was a monster —serial cheating, bad drunk/alcoholic and we do not want the “75% of boys whose fathers cheat end up cheating” to carry down another generation. Husband went into therapy (I thought it was for anger management) long before I found out and had already ended the affair. He was working through many things from childhood. His therapists and our couple’s therapists gave us lots of info to watch out for, but they all said it sounds like our kids are blissfully unaware. Zero changes, lots of friends, lots of laughter, sports and straight As in difficult courses. Zero change in their behavior. They are at age where they are more self-absorbed and into friends, etc. |
Anonymous
| I left 6 months later. I did move all of my belongings out of our bedroom and into the guestroom within about 20 minutes. |
Anonymous
|
I was newly pregnant when I found out, in June. Had the baby in January, took the baby and toddler back home (we were living overseas) the following June.
Horribly traumatic experience |
Anonymous
| God, cheaters are such a-holes. 99% of the time the person means absolutely nothing to them and they destroy many lives with what they do. Height of selfishness and so, so cowardly. |
Anonymous
|
Which affair?
The final time I busted her on a Friday and gave her until Sunday to move out. She was out by Sunday. |
Anonymous
Wow. Did you have kids? |
Anonymous
| News flash, they don't have to leave if they don't want to. |
Anonymous
+1 and if they are being cautious and want custody they won't just flee. 4 months after I found out, we got a 2nd apt so we didn't have to live in the house together. 6 months later we got two separate places. |