What did you learn from your first post-divorce relationship?
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Anonymous
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Female, mid-40s, kids, divorced 4 years.
I learned that I am still sexy and desirable and that I am looking for physical and emotional intimacy in a relationship. I also learned that I am still somehow attracted to emotionally distant men (  ) but at least now I see it early and know to end it.
Still working on why I seem to need external support/permission (friends, family) to end the relationship. (I did end it but it was hard) |
Anonymous
| My first was stupidly just about sex and while it was amazing I quickly figured out I wanted more and I really spent time determining what more was. |
Anonymous
| What a terrible lover my ex was. |
Anonymous
| That divorced men in their 40s play games worse than ever. And that you really need to shop around for an emotionally available man whose parts work. Thankfully I was able to find that and I am happy. |
Anonymous
| There are few good men no matter what age. Make sure you can support yourself, and make yourself happy. |
Anonymous
| That the fact that I can never truly start over is the truth. That even if you think you are in love, grown men over 40 are still babies and most of them let their family rule their decisions even at midlife. That midlife men lie about what they want just like in their 20s. That mostly, they are not worth it. And divorcing confirmed that I would not regret the divorce and that I really should not have waited so long. Also, that I no longer believe in marriage. At all. |
Anonymous
| That I am attracted to abusive assholes. So I stopped dating, switched therapists, and did more work. |
Anonymous
| I am learning from this thread that many divorced women are truly awful, and men are well advised to be wary of such damaged goods. |
Anonymous
Presumably the men are themselves divorced or...just assholes? |
Anonymous
| This is a VERY interesting question…..following! |
Anonymous
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I am still in my first, after 5 years. I have learned:
1. I need to be more patient in general. 2. I need to respect other people's moods more. 3. I need to know how to self-soothe. 4. Sex really is as important in a relationship as I had come to believe. 5. My ex really was as amazing as I thought, and I wish that we had better sexual chemistry. |
Anonymous
| Following as well. Not in same boat but have a DH who is ill with a condition that has meant marriage is over and caregiving will be it for us until he passes. Eventually I'll be single again (likely I'll outlive him) so curious about what it's like after decades of marriage/grown kids etc. |
Anonymous
Sorry to hear but curious about the way you have phrased this (marriage is over but caregiving will be it). What condition is this that ends your marriage but continues caregiving? Is he psychiatrically or neurologically ill? |
Anonymous
| I can spot the crazy now and run away, no matter how good the _______ is. I know my value and have an unshakable belief in me. |
Anonymous
I’m not Pp but my best friends H got early onset dementia/ftd at 40. Was his caregiver until he died at 50. |