“Calm down” is it inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

“Calm down” is it inappropriate?
I thought “calm down” was generally considered infuriating.

[Anonymous]

No one, in the history of calming down, has ever calmed down by being told to calm down. Infuriating.

[Anonymous]

We should always defer to the most irrational person, clearly.

[Anonymous]

Clam down is a terrible thing to say, usually. It is often either gaslighting, counterproductive, or both.

Now I have spoken with my husband about my difficulties being calm around DH and we have agreed beforehand that if he notices that I need to calm down, he should remind me to do so. That is useful for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one, in the history of calming down, has ever calmed down by being told to calm down. Infuriating.

+1

At best, it's completely ineffective. At worst, it comes of as sexist, dismissive, mean, and/or uncaring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one, in the history of calming down, has ever calmed down by being told to calm down. Infuriating.

+1

At best, it's completely ineffective. At worst, it comes of as sexist, dismissive, mean, and/or uncaring.

Not sure about the sexist part. My wife occasionally tells me to calm down and it makes me angrier. I assume it would have the same impact going the other way. I agree with the rest.

[Anonymous]

Yeah just don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one, in the history of calming down, has ever calmed down by being told to calm down. Infuriating.

+1

At best, it's completely ineffective. At worst, it comes of as sexist, dismissive, mean, and/or uncaring.

Not sure about the sexist part. My wife occasionally tells me to calm down and it makes me angrier. I assume it would have the same impact going the other way. I agree with the rest.

Society generally views a woman’s emotional expression as undesirable, overblown, hysterical, etc. A man’s anger is acceptable but a woman’s isn’t. This is obviously a generalization but there is a huge gendered component to the problem with saying “calm down.”

[Anonymous]

I thought the phrase was banned in prisons because it so infuriated (riled up) the prisoners.

[Anonymous]

I feel it's kind of akin to asking a woman, "Is it your time of the month?" during an argument: antiquated and insulting.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to disagree here. If my DH told me to calm down, I would think I had crossed a line and back off a bit, but that’s just our relationship. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I tell my kids to calm down all the time. Is that ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to disagree here. If my DH told me to calm down, I would think I had crossed a line and back off a bit, but that’s just our relationship. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I tell my kids to calm down all the time. Is that ok?

Really isn’t ok. It used to be ok but now it’s not. You need different words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to disagree here. If my DH told me to calm down, I would think I had crossed a line and back off a bit, but that’s just our relationship. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I tell my kids to calm down all the time. Is that ok?

If my dh told me to calm down, I'd tell him to eff off.

[Anonymous]

It's sort of like on the show Cops where cops repeatedly yell "stop resisting!" Does anyone ever actually stop? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to disagree here. If my DH told me to calm down, I would think I had crossed a line and back off a bit, but that’s just our relationship. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I tell my kids to calm down all the time. Is that ok?

Really isn’t ok. It used to be ok but now it’s not. You need different words.

Like what?