Jen Hatmaker

[Anonymous]

Darlings,

It's been a BIG BIG BIG week over here on Planet Capstitcher. I'm sure AALLLL of you have your notifications on so that you get a not-annoying little tingle-jingle alert when I post something on the SOCIALS but just in case let's play a game of what I like to call catch up. Because we're catching up, my beloveds, or, more specifically, I am catching you up on all things ME ME ME. Leave me a comment and catch me up on YOU YOU YOU and I'll reply if I want to shill you something. Er...recommend a great and life-changing product that I myself use RELIGIOUSLY. Except it has nothing to do with religion because I no longer subscribe to oppressive, harmful doctrine, purity culture, or lipstick that doesn't come in a harsh shade of frosted rum raisin (link in stories). Tra la la.

Firstly, I know that SO MANY OF YOU want my thoughts on the opening ceremony of the Paris Olympics but you're just going to have to wait a minute for that HOT TAKE because I have been SO BUSY with all the things. But, can I just say that I CANNOT BELIEVE how many ignorant, unenlightened people out there are not intimately familiar with Greek mythology? It's just so sad. Me and MY CREW have been having annual Feast of Dionysis celebrations since we left the rigid confines of the Southern Baptist Church. Because all the wine darlings. ALL. THE. WINE.

ICYMI, we are sunsetting (No, I didn't "borrow" that term from Glennon, I swear I thought of it first and my decision had nothing to do with the closure of TR - LOVE YOU G, and Abs, too!) the Lecacy Collective. Answering specific questions about where the money is going would be uncomfortable so anyway. I don't know what MY COMMUNITY will do without my guidance on how to spend your charitable dollars or how you'll fill your time now that the long table event in my backyard where I pretend we're all ride or dies is no longer a thing. Fear not, I have a few surprises up my sleeve (link to this DREAMY cold shoulder top from Able in my stories today) so stay tuned for the big announcements. BIG BIG BIG!

Now here's the tea, darlings. Literally, THE TEA!!!

But the Jane Capstitcher Book Club is still going strong and not at all chugging it's last little sad dying breath. Now that THE BABIES are back in school, I have three gifts for YOU. I mean you have to pay $32 plus tax and shipping and handling for the three gifts but details tee hee. You get this book, which I pretend I've read plus this awkwardly sized bag - I found two cases of them in my closet under a tower of Ruby's shoes - and THAT'S NOT ALL. There's this craptastic, tiny tin of spicy apple tea that is the PERFECT refreshing drink during this season of perpetual boob sweat. Told you there was tea and trust me - YOU. WANT. THIS.

It has been a whirlwind, dewdrops. I am so thankful for all of you because YOU MATTER and also thankful for @thetrevorbarrettproject because he is SO TOTALLY still my boyfriend.

Tag your book-loving friends or anyone you think wants this shitty tea so I can move it out of my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Charity done. Boyfriend never real. Book club faltering. Cruise embarrassing.

I feel like Jen doesn’t have it in her to be an influencer anymore. She doesn’t seem to have spark or genuine energy. She preens and smiles but it comes across as shallow and desperate now.

I think she’d love to retire from influencing but only 1/5 kids appears to be truly independent, Oprah might call again and how will she be the Queen boss of her friends anymore if she walks away from chasing celebrity…

I feel like her & Tyler were real-ish in the beginning. She looked really happy. If everything was dried up with hubby and she was getting some action and attention for the first time, she was probly over the moon plus having someone want her after the trama of the divorce I'm sure was very validating and a releif. I think the problem was that someone should have had a me course on modern dating or dating after a divorce. She fell in with a confirmed commitmetntphobe who had to ask his female bestie if he could date Jen Hatmaker. She probably also came on too strong too fast and since all the gushing was so public at first and they're doing their joint speaking engagements or whatever, its embarrasing to backtrack and shes probably in save face mode.

When you make a big announcement about dating someone and youre Jen Hatmaker, you have to make a big announcement about not dating them and thats probably hard for her to swallwo

Very thoughtful response and I agree for the most part. By never real, I meant on his end. I’ve never seen anything to indicate he was in it for more than self-promotion. But Jen def fell in the trap that most of us have or will fall into at some point; pining much harder for someone than they ever could for us.

With the rush of being lovebombed for the first time in decades and Brandon moving on so quickly, I can see how Jen really bought into it.

Now though… I think she must know that she’ll never get what she truly craves from him. But the trauma from the divorce may be keeping her stuck, afraid to feel the pain of such a major breakup again. Heartbreak can be truly agonizing.

[Anonymous]

Any breakup announcement after her spectacular divorce is going to be small potatoes. Did anyone see her divorce coming ? She didn’t . Any ex ANC-ers see any warning signs ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Darlings,

It's been a BIG BIG BIG week over here on Planet Capstitcher. I'm sure AALLLL of you have your notifications on so that you get a not-annoying little tingle-jingle alert when I post something on the SOCIALS but just in case let's play a game of what I like to call catch up. Because we're catching up, my beloveds, or, more specifically, I am catching you up on all things ME ME ME. Leave me a comment and catch me up on YOU YOU YOU and I'll reply if I want to shill you something. Er...recommend a great and life-changing product that I myself use RELIGIOUSLY. Except it has nothing to do with religion because I no longer subscribe to oppressive, harmful doctrine, purity culture, or lipstick that doesn't come in a harsh shade of frosted rum raisin (link in stories). Tra la la.

Firstly, I know that SO MANY OF YOU want my thoughts on the opening ceremony of the Paris Olympics but you're just going to have to wait a minute for that HOT TAKE because I have been SO BUSY with all the things. But, can I just say that I CANNOT BELIEVE how many ignorant, unenlightened people out there are not intimately familiar with Greek mythology? It's just so sad. Me and MY CREW have been having annual Feast of Dionysis celebrations since we left the rigid confines of the Southern Baptist Church. Because all the wine darlings. ALL. THE. WINE.

ICYMI, we are sunsetting (No, I didn't "borrow" that term from Glennon, I swear I thought of it first and my decision had nothing to do with the closure of TR - LOVE YOU G, and Abs, too!) the Lecacy Collective. Answering specific questions about where the money is going would be uncomfortable so anyway. I don't know what MY COMMUNITY will do without my guidance on how to spend your charitable dollars or how you'll fill your time now that the long table event in my backyard where I pretend we're all ride or dies is no longer a thing. Fear not, I have a few surprises up my sleeve (link to this DREAMY cold shoulder top from Able in my stories today) so stay tuned for the big announcements. BIG BIG BIG!

Now here's the tea, darlings. Literally, THE TEA!!!

But the Jane Capstitcher Book Club is still going strong and not at all chugging it's last little sad dying breath. Now that THE BABIES are back in school, I have three gifts for YOU. I mean you have to pay $32 plus tax and shipping and handling for the three gifts but details tee hee. You get this book, which I pretend I've read plus this awkwardly sized bag - I found two cases of them in my closet under a tower of Ruby's shoes - and THAT'S NOT ALL. There's this craptastic, tiny tin of spicy apple tea that is the PERFECT refreshing drink during this season of perpetual boob sweat. Told you there was tea and trust me - YOU. WANT. THIS.

It has been a whirlwind, dewdrops. I am so thankful for all of you because YOU MATTER and also thankful for @thetrevorbarrettproject because he is SO TOTALLY still my boyfriend.

Tag your book-loving friends or anyone you think wants this shitty tea so I can move it out of my house.

This is amaaaazing. Top level satire, pure fire with savage elegance. Who are you? You have got to be a pro or something. Like a published writer.

The reason Jane Capsticher is so east to savagely satitize is only because she's such a ridiculous, predictable creature.

[Anonymous]

Awkwardly sized bag is killing me over here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any breakup announcement after her spectacular divorce is going to be small potatoes. Did anyone see her divorce coming ? She didn’t . Any ex ANC-ers see any warning signs ?

I only remember it was weird seeing how sad and depressed Brandon seemed about six months before the shit hit the fan. He preached a final sermon and announced he was stepping down from the staff due to being in a “spiritual funk”. No one tied that though to his marriage at the time, mostly it was grieving the loss of a dear friend. But maybe it was all related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Darlings,

There's this craptastic, tiny tin of spicy apple tea that is the PERFECT refreshing drink during this season of perpetual boob sweat. Told you there was tea and trust me - YOU. WANT. THIS.

"perpetual boob sweat" made me laugh out loud....AT WORK!!!

Keep the laughs coming, Jane!

[Anonymous]

Jane forgot to mention what a precious and loving couple G and Abs are!

On a related note, poor Abby!

[Anonymous]

I honestly come on here a few times a day because I am now addicted to the Jane Capstitcher posts 🤣

[Anonymous]

“…or lipstick that doesn’t come in a harsh shade of frosted rum raisin…”

made me cackle 😂

[Anonymous]

Jen has to make a living...so what are her options now? She's an excellent writer but that doesn't make a full time living. She has no partner and has to prepare financially as she enters retirement in 10-15 years. That's scary. I wonder if she feels desperate to make all these things work? It feels desperate. And I feel sorry for her. I'm glad she left the evangelical money making complex but this isn't great either.

[Anonymous]

When I read Jen’s over-the-top nothing-but-praise Olympics post, I only wondered if she noticed or cared at all about Angela Carini’s experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I read Jen’s over-the-top nothing-but-praise Olympics post, I only wondered if she noticed or cared at all about Angela Carini’s experience.

Way too controversial. She will never take a stand on a subject that splits her audience. Better to just over the top praise gold medal performers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I read Jen’s over-the-top nothing-but-praise Olympics post, I only wondered if she noticed or cared at all about Angela Carini’s experience.

Way too controversial. She will never take a stand on a subject that splits her audience. Better to just over the top praise gold medal performers.

She omitted mention of that and was also silent on the subject of the contraversial opening ceremony. It was clear she wanted to steer away from anything divisive and she was very plainly in gush mode. An interesting juxtaposition from her rebroadcast/reposted pod cast on "reproductive health" which her Insta audience was clearly split on.

[Anonymous]

I know she’s dedicated to her fake lashes but they are so tacky.