DH’s “friends” suck
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| They are wither users or indifferent. Thanks for listening. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry that your husband doesn't have friends you like better. |
Anonymous
|
Unfortunately some groups skew this way. I'm sorry.
Try to meet friends together and join activities you both like. Avoid activities that center around partying. They tend to attract a good number of people with dependency issues who react badly when people move on from it. If you have kids, you'll meet lots of other parents when your kids go to school. |
Anonymous
|
DH here
make your own friends. nothing says that the two of you have to be joined at the hip at social events. or that you even need to attend the same social events... DW has friends that I can't stand, and I know for a fact that I have friends that she cant stand. and we have friend that each of us equally like. It works marriage is a bit of give and take. |
Anonymous
This is so true! Thank you! |
Anonymous
+1 Totally agree. Not sure why he attracts drama, and I’m the bad guy for pointing it out. Also, DH seems “jealous” (or something??) about my being close with my friends or family. Ex: DH has no cousins his age and didn’t grow up with any close family or friends - DH is rude to my close family/friends, as a result. It’s sad and well, awful. |
Anonymous
| OP I sympathize. DH has one friend who I can't stand. I think he's a dick and he's a bad influence and DH is constantly defending him and telling me I "don't know him." We have other friends we hang out with separately from one another who are fine, maybe not our first choice to be stranded with on a desert island, but ugh this one friend really gets to me. |
Anonymous
| Once you get older you really realize you only want certain people near your inner circle. If my DH was friends with someone that wasn't a good person. Or who was bad for our relationship we would need to come to a decision. I think a married couple should have couple friends, not single friends. That's a big one right there. If you don't like one out of the couple that's fine, let your spouse meet them separately. A good rule of thumb overall. |
Anonymous
Agree. What if DH gravitates toward unhealthy people? Ex: had terrible attitude (sometimes about women), etc. I think DH must be damaged, people pleasing, or thinking he is "rescuing" some people, and it is awkward as hell. They don't give a flying crap about him, frankly. |
Anonymous
That's tough. If they are single I would have to have that ultimatum talk. It's not worth it to allow horrible people near your family. |
Anonymous
This is only the first page of this thread but you'll get blowback on the first sentence in bold--you knew that when you typed it, right? Is the "couples should only have couple friends" because you think...what exactly? That single friends have more time on their hands to call up and try to get a DH or DW to go out and party? Or single friends are too needy about wanting time with their friend who's in a couple? Or are you implying that single friends might be out to break up the marriage or whatever? I don't know what rosy world you live in where once the wedding is over, couples only see other couples (or the halves of those couples they like -- isn't that in effect a "single" friend?). In the real world not everyone is married off, or in relationships. And if married couples should only have couples as friends -- did you simply smile and dump the still-single friends you had, once you got married? Asking seriously. Huge generalizations like "married couples should have couple friends, not single friends" would simply toss out existing friendships from before marriage, and would block a married person from, oh, forming real friendships at work or at activities, if the other person isn't coupled up like you demand. Did you have some bad experience with a "single friend" messing with your marriage? Distracting your spouse from you or being a bad influence on your spouse? This must come from somewhere in your experience or your fear of your spouse being somehow distracted from you by a single friend. Because I can't see how this works in the real world. Do you also dump friends if they were married but then get divorced? Because I know how DCUM loves to invent pretend biographies in order to dismiss posters: No, I'm not the single friend. Married for decades. We have couple friends, single friends, friends who are just my friends, others who are just my spouse's friends.... |
Anonymous
| OP, the feels is mutual trust me. His friends are disappointed he married you. |
Anonymous
Ha. +1. Actually I don’t mind the fact that DW has friends I dislike. What really gets me is the “frenemies” crowd, who she doesn’t like either. Why is this a thing? |
Anonymous
| Keep in mind…..👉🏼……That friends of a feather, tend to flock together…. |
Anonymous
|
DH was raised here and I'm a transplant so for a long time our social group was his college buddies and their dates. As we got out of our 20s they ... didn't. Lots of alcoholics with unhealthy habits, and increasingly vocal about their racist views.
I made my own friends, encouraged DH to join me with them, and eventually refused to visit or host his friends. He cut them off soon after. I never suggested he couldn't see them, but my refusing to join him prompted him to do what he should have done already. It took about six months of him being lonely before he made new friends. He's said several times that he's so much happier. |