Feeling guilty about dropping ball on family vacation

[Anonymous]

I'm going to try to keep this short - for several years my brother (my only sibling) and I have taken our four kids to my parent's house to spend a week with the grandparents. Didn't happen last year b/c of COVID and this year when we planned the week we later found out that school in my parent's town is starting in early August to make up for the pandemic and the pool won't be open. Taking the kids to the pool is a big part of the day. My parents are not in a vacation spot - the draw is all being together, going to the pool, a day trip here or there, just hanging out.

So we tried to switch to a different location in California, but as we were now starting a little late, accommodations were limited. And while I love my brother, he is a little particular with what he wants in a VRBO type property. I found and suggested several things, which no one was really excited about/would commit to and then suggested a different location (not California) and sent a couple of properties for folks to look at. My parents were just visiting my brother the last week and a half and were supposedly going to make some decisions during that time, but nope.

Bottom line, everyone keeps coming back to me to magic a property out of the air. I finally told my mother point blank that I felt that I had researched and proposed several places that met the #1 criteria - they are AVAILABLE - and now it's up to everyone else to pitch in with research or propose something different. I feel bad about it, but in truth I am good with doing this trip or not. I kind of want to suggest we scrap August and try for a Thanksgiving trip of some type. I don't really mind planning, but I do mind planning and everyone shooting everything down.

[Anonymous]

This summer is the craziest that rentals have been for a long time. Does your family know that? There is very little available anywhere in the country. I would give them the option- something you have found or Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't feel guilty, you did your part. Your bro is picky, then he should take the reins and you go with flow.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't feel guilty; why do you have to do all of the planning?

[Anonymous]

I'd ask your brother to look around for properties. The best way for people to realize there isn't much out there is for them to look on their own.

I'd also start looking at something for Thanksgiving NOW. That will be booked up a lot more by the end of the summer.

[Anonymous]

Hi ou can also look to see if there are any Swimply pools to rent in your parent’s hometown. We had good experience with them when visiting my parents (who don’t have access to a pool).

But totally fine to bail if your family keeps baiting down your ideas. That’s not nice if they aren’t going to help find a solution.

[Anonymous]

What are you feeling guilty for? You dropped nothing. Your family sounds clueless and unhelpful but eager to blame you for their own crap and lack of engagement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel guilty; why do you have to do all of the planning?

+1

[Anonymous]

I just experienced the same thing, for a very last minute rental. My parents are anxious and picky, my spouse unmotivated, and I was the one researching, explaining, persuading, etc. I nearly gave up. But I did find something that suited my father’s driving and location requirements, had an extra private bath just for my mother, wasn’t astronomically expensive per my spouse (just run of the mill expensive), looked clean (my requirement!) and was available!

And everyone was very happy with the trip. But good Lord. I feel this is just a taste of what’s going to happen when my parents decline. I will need to do all the persuading, cajoling and researching.

[Anonymous]

Traveling this year is crazy, OP. Set a deadline: if you all can't agree on something within the next five days (specify a date), then state that you'll have to plan something for next year. And then stop trying to placate people who aren't helping.

Its OK if it doesn't work out this year, OP. There's no law that says it has to and COVID is still complicating everything.

[Anonymous]

I don't view this as you dropping the ball. At this point I'd just send out an email saying "Hey everyone, seems like nobody liked the eight different VRBO options I sent out, and since all of the US seems to be trying to vacation this summer we're not going to get the perfect magical place. Why don't we just accept that and plan NOW for Thanksgiving instead?"

[Anonymous]

I would just bag it. My rule with my spouse is that if he doesn't like my suggestions, he can do his own research and I'll consider his suggestions. I'm not going to do all the legwork while he gets veto power. I would apply the same rule to others.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you dropped the ball at all. I think you conjured up a ball out of nothing, put some air in it to make it nice and bouncy, threw the ball to your family and they dropped it so hard it shattered. Not your fault.

If I were you I would drop the brother and his family out of the equation, find a place and invite your parents. Inform your brother of the locale and dates, and tell him to book his own place. Then go have a nice time.

Don't deprive your kids of the vacation with the grands because your brother isn't on his game. If your brother can get his act together then he and his family will join the rest of you; if he can't then they won't. Either way it is up to him.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just pick a property and go? Do you have to go with your brother, and do you have to have a pool?

[Anonymous]

Update for anyone who cares:

I thought this trip was dead and then Colorado was suggested. So I took a look at the place and flights and was ready to book when my brother (again) found all these supposed negative reviews and killed it again. So it is now dead dead and I'm irritated just because the whole thing was a huge waste of time.

My parents will come out in October. A separate vacation of just my kids and I was not suggested.