Feeling guilty about dropping ball on family vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just bag it. My rule with my spouse is that if he doesn't like my suggestions, he can do his own research and I'll consider his suggestions. I'm not going to do all the legwork while he gets veto power. I would apply the same rule to others.

So weird. My spouse gives me full reign to book and plan vacations. They do all the packing so it’s not laziness but when someone has a job you give them full reign.

FREE REIN.

Reign = a ruler leads his or her people.

Free REIN = a rider gives the horse room to go wherever it pleases, at its own pace, because the rider slacks the horses REINS instead of holding them tightly for control.

As my teacher taught us in school: it's never a free reign unless you're royalty; commoners & their horses have free rein.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just bag it. My rule with my spouse is that if he doesn't like my suggestions, he can do his own research and I'll consider his suggestions. I'm not going to do all the legwork while he gets veto power. I would apply the same rule to others.

So weird. My spouse gives me full reign to book and plan vacations. They do all the packing so it’s not laziness but when someone has a job you give them full reign.

FREE REIN.

Reign = a ruler leads his or her people.

Free REIN = a rider gives the horse room to go wherever it pleases, at its own pace, because the rider slacks the horses REINS instead of holding them tightly for control.

Thanks. Though I thought it meant how a ruler reigned unopposed. But sure, it’s from horses I’ll buy that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just bag it. My rule with my spouse is that if he doesn't like my suggestions, he can do his own research and I'll consider his suggestions. I'm not going to do all the legwork while he gets veto power. I would apply the same rule to others.

So weird. My spouse gives me full reign to book and plan vacations. They do all the packing so it’s not laziness but when someone has a job you give them full reign.

FREE REIN.

Reign = a ruler leads his or her people.

Free REIN = a rider gives the horse room to go wherever it pleases, at its own pace, because the rider slacks the horses REINS instead of holding them tightly for control.

Thanks. Though I thought it meant how a ruler reigned unopposed. But sure, it’s from horses I’ll buy that.

Not the smartest cookie but you're learning.

[Anonymous]

I am LOLing that your family can't go to grandma's because the town pool is closed. We have been visiting my parent's for years in a place where there is nothing to do. Your kids will figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go in august to your parents and find nice things to do there instead of hanging out at the pool?

Who is usually tons of stuff for kids to do if you’re willing to spend the money.

Not going because the community pool is closed seems weird to me. Where do your parents live generally speaking?

OP here - I get why people don't get this. It's partly because this has been a tradition (oldest cousin is 14, youngest is 6) so the pool is something everyone can do between hanging out and the like.

I think some of you have hit on what's going on even before I did - it's not the trip or location - it's the family dynamic. It's changed and I'm having a really hard time navigating that. Or a more accurate description might be that I've always been the one to go the extra mile to make things happen, and maybe now I've realized that I was the one doing that.

Gotta admit that one thing that sticks in my craw is that when the whole plan got revived I then had to say I might have limits or not be able to travel because of asking for leave at work. My mom then asked if I'd be offended if they went with my brother and his kids. I said ok but wanted to make it work. Then he tanked it and literally zero interest in planning this trip if it didn't include him.

I am turning 50 this year and I feel like a stupid 7th grader with all of this.

I think your brother, and entire family, are far to used to letting you do all the legwork. That needs to stop. But, two points:

- I agree with your brother that I'd prefer not to spend a lot of money on a mediocre vacation.
- Why on earth would he plan a vacation that didn't include him? Is he a travel agent?

OP here - sorry, I was not clear. I meant that my parents asked if I'd be offended if they went with my brother and his kids if I could not get time off since we were STILL deciding on exact dates. Then he washes his hands of it and there was no further discussion of my parents still wanting to see me and my kids. Basically feels like we are all gathering for him. And yes, I realize I sound like a pouting child kicking the dirt here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am LOLing that your family can't go to grandma's because the town pool is closed. We have been visiting my parent's for years in a place where there is nothing to do. Your kids will figure it out.

Oh please — you don’t know the situation. We visit my parents frequently but it is rough if there aren’t set things to do. They are extremely elderly. They live someplace where it is often over 100 degrees outsides. They have a small place and want to watch Tv at full blast on non child friendly shows. They now have a pool in their neighborhood and it is Godsend. A bad visit in which everyone is cranky is not a visit worth doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why kids can’t “just hang out” for a week, especially when there’s a few day trips mixed in. I mean, take a couple new Lego sets or jigsaw puzzles along, make sure there are outdoor toys like balls and splash pads, rent family movies from the local library. I can’t believe you literally can’t spend a week with your family without a pool.

Probably because after COVID, the idea of paying $$$ and dealing with travel hassle to go sit in a house and do puzzles or watch movies like they've been doing for free at home for the past year plus isn't exactly appealing.

I totally get it- was in a similar situation with my family. They all talked about wanting a family trip but it was pretty much on me to research, they're picky (one sister insists on bringing her dog) and no one wanted to commit early enough. When it was clear nothing was going to happen I booked something for my immediate family and stopped at my parents along the way to visit for a couple days. At the last minute my brother and his family came in too but stayed at my parents longer. They all seemed annoyed that we were moving on rather than sit around with them all week. DH would have gone bonkers because there's nothing to do and my parents have downsized and are intolerant of our two rambunctious kids (toddler and preschooler). Oh well! Maybe next year.