Am I wrong to have expected 17 YO DS to have talked to us before quitting summer job?
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Anonymous
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My 17 YO DS got a job for summer with a local business (we are friends with the owners/manager). For the past two weeks he has been going in on the weekend so he could train/be ready for the summer (his idea, not ours).
Just today he told me and DH that he decided to quit, and quit, this past Sunday. Before this, he hadn't complained about the job, and seemed pretty excited to actually get his first job. When we asked his reasoning behind him quitting, he just said that he realized that because he was working he was going to miss too much of his summer. I am not all worked up over this, he is 17 and claimed he wanted a job so he could buy a car/pay for insurance, and we never force our kids to work. But I definitely would have preferred if he had sat down with us and told us before quitting, as I feel like this will have an effect on our house's summer schedule, and I just feel like this was a quick snap decision and he might have changed it if we got a chance to chat about it. My husband thinks it is fine, just a summer job at age 17. Am I wrong? |
Anonymous
| You would have LIKED him to talk to you about it first. But it's his call. The $$ was for a car and insurance; obviously, don't pay for those things for him. And maybe this is a bad decision, but he's the one who has to deal with the consequences. You should plan your summer schedule as you would have anyway -- if he's NOT at work, presumably that gives you more flexibility anyway. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like there’s no car or insurance in his future so he might actually have time this summer for a job after all since he won’t have any spending money or a car.
There should be consequences to quitting / not having a job when you are 17. Your husband sounds like he grew up spoiled and rich. “Just a summer job”. OK. Because I guess learning that money doesn’t grow on trees is for the poors? |
Anonymous
| If there were no expectations for him to pay any of his personal expenses, then I can understand why he didn't feel obligated to discuss it with you. If he had to pay for his social life and had to rely on buses which he paid for himself, then he probably wouldn't have quit. |
Anonymous
This. Plus you guys did a favor for him and put out a friend. Rude. Please don’t buy him a car |
Anonymous
| It was rude to your friends (the owners). He made a commitment to work for them and bailed. Your son should definitely hear that you are disappointed about that. Beyond that, I'd make sure not to make thing easy on him financially. |
Anonymous
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Explain why quitting put you in a awkward spot with his boss and that now you and DH are not likely to use your contacts to help him next time. Also note that he likely lost a good recommendation from this employer had he followed through on his commitment.
But that said, if it's not important that he work then let him have his summer. But I agree that his social life can't become a burden now and he needs to feel the natural consequences about what he could have had with a paycheck so don't give him any more than you normally would have for the summer or school year. |
Anonymous
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OP this is a huge parenting fail.
Send him out to get another job. He's 17. No he did not need to talk to you. You should have talked to him about how he is irresponsible and spoiled. Ridiculous to leave the company short-staffed when he was given a free job. Not to mention his reasoning is absurb. |
Anonymous
+1 This is a great chance for him to learn that actions have consequences. Obviously, you aren't buying him a car. Also, you shouldn't adjust your summer plans to accommodate him. You're not going to help him get his next job. There are lots of natural consequences that flow from this choice; let him experience them. |
Anonymous
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I don't know what to tell you OP. Let me give you a comparison.
My kid just ended his freshman year. They had a summer job last year with a strong recommendation at the end of the term as a 17-18 year old. They worked on and off through the school year as a college freshman (the job and school were both remote) College this year, they have a plumb internship for the summer as an 18-19 year old, almost solely on the recommendation from the employer. What will your kid do next summer? How will they get their first job or an internship when they blew this opportunity that you had arranged and served up on a silver platter for them? |
Anonymous
| At 17, you are either in school, working or internship for the summer. |
Anonymous
| Doesn't this give you more flexibility with your summer plans? |
Anonymous
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“Miss too much of his summer”
Lol. He is 17. What else is he doing if not working or studying? Likely messing around, sleeping in, partying and video games/social media. Sports only takes up sinking of the day. Totally worth the trade off, amiright?!?! Please don’t give him money. |
Anonymous
| I’d make it real clear that you aren’t giving him money for expenses you’d expect working to cover. He needs a taste of reality - that you aren’t going to fund his summer fun because it’s too much work…..to work. |
Anonymous
| Mom of 2 sons who both worked every summer from age 15+. Their earnings enabled them to save some money and go out with their friends to grab a hamburger and see a movie. First of all, I would be disappointed that they took advantage of my friendship with their employer. I would also ask if he had plans to make up this lost income because I would be giving him $0 for the foreseeable future. Your kid sounds entitled. |