Am I wrong to have expected 17 YO DS to have talked to us before quitting summer job?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine to not make a big deal about it, as long as you don’t rearrange your life to cover for him. So, if he wants to go zip lining with friends but doesn’t have the money to pay for it, don’t just hand him cash. Life is a constant struggle to balance time, health and money.

[Anonymous]

My parents did not require that I work in high school. I received an allowance when I was playing a sport or in marching band or some after school activity that prevented me from working. If I was not engaged in such an activity I did not receive an allowance. They did not pay for gas for the car that I drove. If I wanted spending money or to drive the car, I needed to be working.

It was pretty effective. They didn't badger but I worked. They were very consistent with not giving me spending money or gas money.

Your kid doesn't want to work, fine but they don't get any money from you and they don't get to drive the car unless they can put their own gas in it.

I would address that you helped them get a job with a friend that they blew off and that you would not be helping them find another job because of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of 2 sons who both worked every summer from age 15+. Their earnings enabled them to save some money and go out with their friends to grab a hamburger and see a movie. First of all, I would be disappointed that they took advantage of my friendship with their employer. I would also ask if he had plans to make up this lost income because I would be giving him $0 for the foreseeable future. Your kid sounds entitled.

+1

I would also want to hear a detailed plan for what he will do this summer and it better not be sleeping and Xbox

[Anonymous]

I would be upset with him for quitting for no reason other than wanting to party or do nothing, which leaves his boss in the lurch. I would not be angry at him for not discussing with me, more disappointed that I hadn't raised him to have more of a work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Meh, while I think it was rude and thoughtless of him to leave your friend hanging like this, I see nothing wrong with a 17y old choosing not to work during the summer. I would not pay for gas for his car or drive him around.... He can bike or walk if he wants. If he gets an allowance I would keep giving it, but nothing extra.

Maybe it is spoiling but whatever. This is probably the last year he will have the whole summer off to just be, or at least until he is old and retired.

Life is too short and the tomorrow is not guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 17, you are either in school, working or internship for the summer.

This. Its not wonder the younger adults at my office are so soft. At 17 the only things my parents were giving me were shelter, food, insurance, neccessary clothing and access to an old family car. If I wanted anything resembling a social life, that was on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 17, you are either in school, working or internship for the summer.

This. Its not wonder the younger adults at my office are so soft. At 17 the only things my parents were giving me were shelter, food, insurance, neccessary clothing and access to an old family car. If I wanted anything resembling a social life, that was on me.

I have zero issue paying for everything BUT I will do what my parents did and put the money away for their spending money or possibly even start a Roth or something else for them. Its not the money, but work/life experience.

[Anonymous]

My question to him is what is he planning on doing instead? I don’t make my kids work but then need some sort of structure in the summer. Volunteer work, personal project they are passionate about? Something other than just hanging out

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised all your kids do is study and hang around your house.

My kids have gone to the beach 4 or 5 times, been boating at least 7 times, fishing, kayaking, play basketball, tennis... all while taking summer classes. My son couldn't do a weekend at the lake because he had his final last weekend. Take away the summer class and yes, they are very, very busy.

Your kids just sit around all day?

[Anonymous]

My issue would be at 17 I would like a break. You are almost an adult and frankly I would be upset if I had to constantly watch/ entertain / feed a 17 year old.

I would make his life not pleasant if he wants food. My rules are breakfast ends at 9 am. Lunch is promptly at noon and dinner is at 5:30 . If you miss those times I don’t cook for you or clean up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My issue would be at 17 I would like a break. You are almost an adult and frankly I would be upset if I had to constantly watch/ entertain / feed a 17 year old.

I would make his life not pleasant if he wants food. My rules are breakfast ends at 9 am. Lunch is promptly at noon and dinner is at 5:30 . If you miss those times I don’t cook for you or clean up.

Why TF are you cooking for a 17 year old?

Girl, you need some parenting lessons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised all your kids do is study and hang around your house.

My kids have gone to the beach 4 or 5 times, been boating at least 7 times, fishing, kayaking, play basketball, tennis... all while taking summer classes. My son couldn't do a weekend at the lake because he had his final last weekend. Take away the summer class and yes, they are very, very busy.

Your kids just sit around all day?

Some kids do. Sorry you have trouble understanding that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 17, you are either in school, working or internship for the summer.

Yep. I'd say the same for a 16 yo too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Explain why quitting put you in a awkward spot with his boss and that now you and DH are not likely to use your contacts to help him next time. Also note that he likely lost a good recommendation from this employer had he followed through on his commitment.

But that said, if it's not important that he work then let him have his summer. But I agree that his social life can't become a burden now and he needs to feel the natural consequences about what he could have had with a paycheck so don't give him any more than you normally would have for the summer or school year.

It puts you in an awkward spot for a few reasons - the friend was counting on the kid AND the friend spent a lot of time training the kid. Given those factors the friendship between the parents and owner could now be substantively changed because the kid really left the owner in a difficult position and the owner likely will presume the kid's parents knew about the quitting ahead of time. It is a bad look all the way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My issue would be at 17 I would like a break. You are almost an adult and frankly I would be upset if I had to constantly watch/ entertain / feed a 17 year old.

I would make his life not pleasant if he wants food. My rules are breakfast ends at 9 am. Lunch is promptly at noon and dinner is at 5:30 . If you miss those times I don’t cook for you or clean up.

Why TF are you cooking for a 17 year old?

Girl, you need some parenting lessons.

I kind of laughed a little at that one. “I will only wait on you at these precise hours of the day!” She thinks that’s strict. Good grief.