Am I wrong to have expected 17 YO DS to have talked to us before quitting summer job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s just lived through a crappy year in a pandemic. Something we never went through as teenagers. Let him enjoy life a bit, renew friendships, and enjoy a carefree summer that will go by very quickly. Soon he’ll have plenty of obligations. The years are short, let’s learn something from this pandemic.

We all did. He’s almost a legal adult and acting like a diva.

[Anonymous]

He’s 17 and hasn’t had a job?

I don’t agree with that and I don’t think you’re doing your kid any favors. Working kind of crappy jobs at that age is formative.

I would also be very unhappy my friend set him up with a job and then he quit. He wasted their time when they were doing him a favor. Not ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If no job, what's he gonna do all summer?

And really, the only acceptable answers are

- find another job
- spend 20-40 hours a week volunteering somewhere.

But chillin on his phone isn't an option

Yup.

Personally, I would talk to him about having some responsibility for the summer. If he doesn't choose one of these, you can assign him household projects and chores to do. I have plenty of projects on my honey-do list and if my teenage child was not working, I would assign them to him. I would buy the supplies and then he can Youtube how to do the job. He could clean the basement and sort everything into "trash" (like old toys), donate and keep piles which we could review in the evenings, We have bins of old school art projects that need to be photographed and stored on a disk drive and then trashed; he could decide on which ones to keep, which ones to archive and trash. He could go through the pantry and the food storage, and pull out and trash everything that is past expiration date, take the old plastic shopping bags to the supermarket to the donate/return bin, take batteries and CFLs to the MOMs to recycle and so on. Tons and tons of household chores that get to be done if he's going to be home without a job. We also have a bathtub/shower that the caulk needs to be stripped and redone. We have a place where a tree died, he can clear the old stump, and we can buy a new sapling from the nursery and he can plant it and water it. And so on.

So, his choice, but I agree that sitting around on his phone is not a choice. And he doesn't get to borrow the car for hanging out during the summer. He was supposed to earn money for a car. If he isn't, then he only uses the car to run errands for us like the above chores, or errands like doing the weekly shopping, etc.

YOU. are. AWESOME.

All of what you said, x infinity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was rude to your friends (the owners). He made a commitment to work for them and bailed. Your son should definitely hear that you are disappointed about that. Beyond that, I'd make sure not to make thing easy on him financially.

This. I hope you don't give him any allowance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here

Obviously, we will not pay for car/insurance. We have always had a rule that we will pay for our kids to learn to drive (up until they get their license, which he does have) but after that they are responsible for purchasing their own car/insurance/gas. If we have an old car, we may offer it for sale (at a slight discount), and if you pay for insurance, they can share my/DH's 2 cars, at our discression, but DS knows that we aren't going to turn around and buy him a car/pay insurance.

I've talked to our friend, he is a bit disappointed, but my understanding is that hiring my son was more a favor then a desperate need for another employee. Not that I'm going to tell DS that, a job is a responsibility which is why I have been so pissed really. Our friend has known DS since he was a baby, and I honestly think is giving him a bit of leeway, but he isnt extremely angry or anything.

He's more disappointed than he's telling you.

It's a huge waste of an employers time and resources when someone quits after less than a month

You should've communicated to your son that since you got him the job, he's committed to it for the summer barring abusive working conditions. Unacceptable that he chose to quit, but the onus was on you to communicate expectations and you clearly didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I will make my kids work as soon as they can.

This. My kid is 8 and he does all the washing in our house. He gets $2 per load. How else are we going to teach our kid responsibility if we do everything for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My issue would be at 17 I would like a break. You are almost an adult and frankly I would be upset if I had to constantly watch/ entertain / feed a 17 year old.

I would make his life not pleasant if he wants food. My rules are breakfast ends at 9 am. Lunch is promptly at noon and dinner is at 5:30 . If you miss those times I don’t cook for you or clean up.

Honestly, when I was 17, I was in charge of my own breakfast and lunch. And had been for a while.

My parents would do the grocery shopping, but I was had to prepare my own meals. And when working, if I wanted to bring a bagged lunch, I had to make it myself.

The only meal prepared for me was dinner.

That probably started around 12 or 13. Even know, with my own kids my 11yo is in charge of his own breakfast and lunch. He can request certain things ('can you buy bagels' or 'can we do turkey instead of ham from the deli'), but he's in charge of his own food[/quote
Why were your parents making you meals when you were a teenager? In our house, everyone is in charge of their own food. My kids know how to work the microwave and open the door to the fridge. I’m not their servant.

[Anonymous]

he just said that he realized that because he was working he was going to miss too much of his summer.

It's his decision to quit, he has to own it not your job to fix it. He has told you that he is kind of lazy. Stop pushing him uphill like a boulder if that is what you've been doing. Let him learn that his decisions have consequences, such as not having any spending money (stop giving him money to spend) and not having real work experience to put on a college application.