Tall girls - question from a dad

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 5' 10" in middle school. She is brilliant and is very athletic. She is now six inches taller than her mom and is starting to become self-conscious about it. I've passed on as much dad wisdom that I've been able to (she can change a tire and filet a fish) but I don't know how to approach this issue. And I don't want complicate things by heading in the wrong direction. She is a confident kid, but I'm seeing that start to waiver with a bit of self-doubt. I'm wondering if saying nothing might be the best path. I just want her to be happy in her skin.

Thanks for any input

[Anonymous]

If she was short, she'd want to be tall, since she's tall, she wants to be short. It's a classic age for the grass is greener when it comes to body image. I'd mostly let that run its course.

If you feel like you want to intervene, you could mention that tall people get paid more.
https://www.apa.org/monitor/julaug04/standing#:~:text=The%20findings%20suggest%20that%20someone,found%20by%20psychologist%20Timothy%20A.

Let her take an advance on that cash and buy clothes that make her feel great.

- 5'9" woman

[Anonymous]

As a tall woman myself, I agree with PP that ultimately, it's an advantage in life, for both men and women. But definitely can feel conscious, especially in MS when not everyone (especially boys) have caught up.

OP in talking to her about it, I would approach as you do all aspects of her growing and changing body. Some of this will be better coming from your wife, obviously.

Just be sure to keep an eye on her posture. The last thing you want is for her to start slouching as a way to compensate.

[Anonymous]

My DD is also 5’10” and 12 years old. She is used to people constantly commenting on her height, so I try not to bring it up much, other than mentioning how much I love being tall. (I’m also 5’10”) I’m not sure what else there is to say about height, or any other physical attributes that we have absolutely no control over. Everyone has to learn to either love (or tolerate) these things about themselves. I would just try to build up her confidence in all ways that have nothing to do with physical appearance and encourage her to try things for which height is an advantage (rowing, volleyball). In a few more years, I predict she will love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 5' 10" in middle school. She is brilliant and is very athletic. She is now six inches taller than her mom and is starting to become self-conscious about it. I've passed on as much dad wisdom that I've been able to (she can change a tire and filet a fish) but I don't know how to approach this issue. And I don't want complicate things by heading in the wrong direction. She is a confident kid, but I'm seeing that start to waiver with a bit of self-doubt. I'm wondering if saying nothing might be the best path. I just want her to be happy in her skin.

Thanks for any input

It is. At this stage, they don't like you 'approaching' any kind of issues that are sensitive to them. Let it be.

[Anonymous]

Thanks to both of you. I try to be a good dad but I feel like I'm out of my depth on this subject. I guess I'll see how this manifests and go from there. She is a great kid, I'm just trying to not to say the wrong thing.

[Anonymous]

As a tall woman myself, I agree with PP that ultimately, it's an advantage in life, for both men and women. But definitely can feel conscious, especially in MS when not everyone (especially boys) have caught up.

OP in talking to her about it, I would approach as you do all aspects of her growing and changing body. Some of this will be better coming from your wife, obviously.

Just be sure to keep an eye on her posture. The last thing you want is for her to start slouching as a way to compensate.

Ha, one of the main things I remember my Dad telling me growing up is to "stand up straight." "Nothing worse than a tall girl who slouches." Much appreciated now (I'm often complimented on posture), less so by me then!

But more basically, without talking about it much, my Dad always made clear that being tall was great, good for basketball, I should be active and strong, etc. The fact that he obviously believed all this too was the clincher.

[Anonymous]

It’s great that you are thinking about this. I wish my dad had just told me I was beautiful. He thought saying it would make me prioritize superficial things, but it ended up leaving me desperate to hear it from boys.

[Anonymous]

Definitely get her involved in a sport where her height is an advantage (Swim, volleyball, basketball, even lacrosse) and the confidence will come. Never make her think she has to date only men taller than she is. You'd think this would go without saying, in a world where plenty of people are trans, there is the entire LQBTQ, but in straight life there is still a tremendous stigma against a tall woman. Make sure she always wears high heels if the outfit calls for it and remembers that a good partner in life has nothing to do with height.

[Anonymous]

My 8th grader just passed her 6'1" father in height (I am 5'9"). We totally celebrated and took pictures. She definitely is self conscious especially since her sister is 14 months older and 5'7" so everyone assumes the "baby" of the family is older. Don't say anything. They are all such weird beasts at this age, even if you think you are saying something nice she will bite your head off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely get her involved in a sport where her height is an advantage (Swim, volleyball, basketball, even lacrosse) and the confidence will come. Never make her think she has to date only men taller than she is. You'd think this would go without saying, in a world where plenty of people are trans, there is the entire LQBTQ, but in straight life there is still a tremendous stigma against a tall woman. Make sure she always wears high heels if the outfit calls for it and remembers that a good partner in life has nothing to do with height.

Only on DCUM. I’m a 5’10” woman with a tall mother and sister and lots of tall friends and have seriously never experienced nor heard about any stigma outside of this place, where women are hell bent on tearing each other apart. If anything, short women have told me repeatedly throughout life how much they wished they were tall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8th grader just passed her 6'1" father in height (I am 5'9"). We totally celebrated and took pictures. She definitely is self conscious especially since her sister is 14 months older and 5'7" so everyone assumes the "baby" of the family is older. Don't say anything. They are all such weird beasts at this age, even if you think you are saying something nice she will bite your head off.

That’s awesome! I’m the PP with the 5’10” 12-year-old and I think this could be her next year, too. Her favorite shoes are 2” platforms, though, so she doesn’t seem to mind going higher and higher.

Weird beasts is an apt description—I think one of the most challenging things at this age is not the height itself, but that people expect a certain level of maturity from them that isn’t there yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely get her involved in a sport where her height is an advantage (Swim, volleyball, basketball, even lacrosse) and the confidence will come. Never make her think she has to date only men taller than she is. You'd think this would go without saying, in a world where plenty of people are trans, there is the entire LQBTQ, but in straight life there is still a tremendous stigma against a tall woman. Make sure she always wears high heels if the outfit calls for it and remembers that a good partner in life has nothing to do with height.

Only on DCUM. I’m a 5’10” woman with a tall mother and sister and lots of tall friends and have seriously never experienced nor heard about any stigma outside of this place, where women are hell bent on tearing each other apart. If anything, short women have told me repeatedly throughout life how much they wished they were tall.

I'm the PP who said there is a stigma, I am also 5'10. You don't think men want to date a woman shorter than they are? Or that women in general find it more socially acceptable to date a taller man? Sure, there is nothing bad about being tall except in dating, where you have about 10% of the dating pool to consider given social norms. I think the social norms are preposterous given where we are as a society but I think in heterosexual culture., it's still a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely get her involved in a sport where her height is an advantage (Swim, volleyball, basketball, even lacrosse) and the confidence will come. Never make her think she has to date only men taller than she is. You'd think this would go without saying, in a world where plenty of people are trans, there is the entire LQBTQ, but in straight life there is still a tremendous stigma against a tall woman. Make sure she always wears high heels if the outfit calls for it and remembers that a good partner in life has nothing to do with height.

Only on DCUM. I’m a 5’10” woman with a tall mother and sister and lots of tall friends and have seriously never experienced nor heard about any stigma outside of this place, where women are hell bent on tearing each other apart. If anything, short women have told me repeatedly throughout life how much they wished they were tall.

I a 6’0. I had a boyfriend that was self conscious about my height, but I dumped him. I had a guy tell me that he couldn’t sleep with tall women because it was liking sleeping with a guy. I had a male coworker (lawyer) tell me I was scary and could probably kick his ass because I am tall.

That’s all about men being insecure about their manhood. It’s a handy weed out for men who have toxic manhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely get her involved in a sport where her height is an advantage (Swim, volleyball, basketball, even lacrosse) and the confidence will come. Never make her think she has to date only men taller than she is. You'd think this would go without saying, in a world where plenty of people are trans, there is the entire LQBTQ, but in straight life there is still a tremendous stigma against a tall woman. Make sure she always wears high heels if the outfit calls for it and remembers that a good partner in life has nothing to do with height.

Only on DCUM. I’m a 5’10” woman with a tall mother and sister and lots of tall friends and have seriously never experienced nor heard about any stigma outside of this place, where women are hell bent on tearing each other apart. If anything, short women have told me repeatedly throughout life how much they wished they were tall.

I'm the PP who said there is a stigma, I am also 5'10. You don't think men want to date a woman shorter than they are? Or that women in general find it more socially acceptable to date a taller man? Sure, there is nothing bad about being tall except in dating, where you have about 10% of the dating pool to consider given social norms. I think the social norms are preposterous given where we are as a society but I think in heterosexual culture., it's still a thing.

I can honestly say this was never an issue. Had no shortage of men interested in dating me when I was in my prime. Maybe I had subconsciously learned to avoid the type who wanted petite women to make them feel like big, dominant men.