Tall girls - question from a dad

[Anonymous]

Being tall is hard when you are a teenager. Tell her she is beautiful, and not like the other kids. Otherwise, she will want to slouch and make herself shorter. And, don't let adults treat her as if she is so much older than the other kids, she is not.

My mom wanted me to be "normal" so even with my dad encouraging me, it was hard to be a tall female teenager. I didn't date until college. And you may want to eventually prepare her shorter guys being much attracted to her than taller guys. ~a tall woman

[Anonymous]

DD is 6’ as a rising junior in high school and was at least 5’10 in 7th grade. She’s always been athletic and height was always an advantage. I’m 5’11 and DH is 6’4 so her height is not surprise.

DH always gives DD positive reinforcement and compliments (like you) and always has. I do believe it’s helped her fully embrace who she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im serious as PP about geographic arbitrage, have lived in various US cities and heights are SO different. Please do not have her go to Philly, as a 5'7" woman I had trouble dating-esp college educated men, tall guys were 5 8 LOL, Seattle very tall males/females, agree with MN.
----
My daughters turned out shortish--predicted 5'7" but had early normal puberty and only 5 2/5 3...always complain about it,,bottom line as long as you have good self esteem, good body image, decent weight without fluctuations you will be happy and attract happy healthy friends and dating partners...not everyone will be into everyone...and thats normal.

+1. Too many short Italian genes floating around in Philly.

Ha ha! That's so funny. I am 5'4" and grew up in Philly, and I never thought of myself as short. Then I moved to Virginia and made a group of friends, and I am the shortest one. But now that I think about it, my friends in Philly were Italian and Jewish (also not known for their height).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 5' 10" in middle school. She is brilliant and is very athletic. She is now six inches taller than her mom and is starting to become self-conscious about it. I've passed on as much dad wisdom that I've been able to (she can change a tire and filet a fish) but I don't know how to approach this issue. And I don't want complicate things by heading in the wrong direction. She is a confident kid, but I'm seeing that start to waiver with a bit of self-doubt. I'm wondering if saying nothing might be the best path. I just want her to be happy in her skin.

Thanks for any input

Don't say anything, just love on her and be so proud of her. I think it's best if a dad NEVER mentions a DD's looks. Not even to compliment. Just be the one man who literally never mentions it. WOrked for me. And I was 5'11" in junior high and literally never thought about it, and then married a man who was 5'10"! Good luck, OP. Yo'ull be great. Do not talk about it. Just be super proud and engage her on everything other last thing, but not her looks. My .02

[Anonymous]

I am 6' 1" and married to DH who is 5' 7". No big deal unless you are constantly made aware of her height. Do not talk about it much.

[Anonymous]

If she is upset about it, listen. Don't try to fix it!

[Anonymous]

Boys are very, very, very insecure around tall girls. They also feel threatened.

She will mostly have to deal with this all of middle school and the 1st 2 years of HS. But after that she will get an intense flood of interest from boys which might be hard to navigate after years of negative attention.

Also, warning, grown men will think she is 18 and will hit on a 12/13/14/15 year old when they are tall. She needs tools to deal with that… like hey creeper 👀 I’m 12.

[Anonymous]

I am 5'10" and I clearly remember my father pointing out examples of tall women in the public eye---it helped tremendously when I was feeling super gawky in high school. A minority of women in the real world are tall, so seeing people in the public eye who had my body type helped...

Taylor Swift, Serena Williams, Jennifer Lawrence, Kendall Jenner, Gal Gadot/Wonder Woman...not sure if these women will seem really old to her!

Also, sports...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys are very, very, very insecure around tall girls. They also feel threatened.

She will mostly have to deal with this all of middle school and the 1st 2 years of HS. But after that she will get an intense flood of interest from boys which might be hard to navigate after years of negative attention.

Also, warning, grown men will think she is 18 and will hit on a 12/13/14/15 year old when they are tall. She needs tools to deal with that… like hey creeper 👀 I’m 12.

To be fair, the creepers will start with this with any 12/13/14/15 year old girl once they are "adult woman height". A 5'4 12 year old gets it just as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys are very, very, very insecure around tall girls. They also feel threatened.

She will mostly have to deal with this all of middle school and the 1st 2 years of HS. But after that she will get an intense flood of interest from boys which might be hard to navigate after years of negative attention.

Also, warning, grown men will think she is 18 and will hit on a 12/13/14/15 year old when they are tall. She needs tools to deal with that… like hey creeper 👀 I’m 12.

I am tall and this is so true. I got a lot of attention in college and 20s and I just never knew how to handle it. My gut reaction was the 15 year old me. I would assume people were poking fun at me or about to, and 9 times out of 10 the intent was positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to both of you. I try to be a good dad but I feel like I'm out of my depth on this subject. I guess I'll see how this manifests and go from there. She is a great kid, I'm just trying to not to say the wrong thing.

Make sure you invest in clothes that fit her well. I was very self-conscious about my height and having ill-fitting clothes made it a lot worse.

[Anonymous]

Hi, kind of like weight...say nothing. Just keep telling her how much you love her and how beaufiul she is....you have a special role to play as the main male figure in her life right now. I think it's so wonderful you tossed this out there. Also, putting her in situations where her height is an advantage is great. Start up volleyball or basketball? Dance class where her long arms will be praised for their extension? And make sure she is around really successful tall women.....in an internship, whatever it is......thanks again for asking this question!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks to both of you. I try to be a good dad but I feel like I'm out of my depth on this subject. I guess I'll see how this manifests and go from there. She is a great kid, I'm just trying to not to say the wrong thing.

Make sure you invest in clothes that fit her well. I was very self-conscious about my height and having ill-fitting clothes made it a lot worse.

I agree with this. I am 5'11 and have always been very very self conscious about it. Honestly I never really had a boyfriend until I met my husband (who is shorter than me) and I agree with PP who says boys are insecure around tall girls. It hurt in high school college and dating years when guys (short AND tall) would hit on my shorter friends but not me - which happened ALL this time. Face it: guys want someone short, cute, delicate etc to make them feel like a big strong man. Also, as a tall girl it is hard to FEEL feminine and guys pick up on that. Obviously, I am an adult now and don't let it depress me anymore but it really really affected me for years. And you do get a lot of backhanded compliments and stupid jokes that hurt as well. She eventually will have to numb herself to it.

Also it is SOOO annoying that stores typically have sold "petite" and "regular" and even "large" sizes but it is like special clothes for TALL people are completely ignored, like it is something to be ashamed of. Luckily in the last couple of years there are lots more independent sellers that cater to tall poeple, but it is mostly tall people creating their own brands because no one serves them properly. (On instagram: @AmalliTalli, @tallgirlpositive, @talloftheball)

So, be aware it is an issue that is ALWAYS present - but don't talk about it and don't worry about it too much. There isnt much you can do to make her feel comfortable in her own skin, she will have to get there herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, kind of like weight...say nothing. Just keep telling her how much you love her and how beaufiul she is....you have a special role to play as the main male figure in her life right now. I think it's so wonderful you tossed this out there. Also, putting her in situations where her height is an advantage is great. Start up volleyball or basketball? Dance class where her long arms will be praised for their extension? And make sure she is around really successful tall women.....in an internship, whatever it is......thanks again for asking this question!

Wha???? - I totally hated it when people told me to play volleyball or basketball UGH.And no, in dance class long lanky arms are never praised.

Dad- Just push her to try things she expresses an interest in, not "TALL ONLY" activities or "TALL" mentors. Geez, that highlights thing seven more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being tall is hard when you are a teenager. Tell her she is beautiful, and not like the other kids. Otherwise, she will want to slouch and make herself shorter. And, don't let adults treat her as if she is so much older than the other kids, she is not.

My mom wanted me to be "normal" so even with my dad encouraging me, it was hard to be a tall female teenager. I didn't date until college. And you may want to eventually prepare her shorter guys being much attracted to her than taller guys. ~a tall woman

Tell her she is beautiful.

My dad told me this all the time when I was growing up, and I was super awkward and not at all beautiful, but I credit his sincerity for my high self confidence as a teen/young adult.