Tall girls - question from a dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She does have to watch out for people, including predatory men, treating her as older than her age because they assume being taller=being older.

This is an excellent point. I have seen a college guy mistake a barely-into-puberty seventh grader for a college freshman, solely because she was tall.
You really have to keep an eye on who she’s around.

OP here - yes, we've run into this. She is confident and comfortable talking with adults and even in 5th and 6th grade, new (friendly) people we'd meet would ask what high school she went to. I'm certainly not a helicopter dad, but given my own experiences growing up, I know how much boys can be idiots (I'm in that Venn diagram). I'm not an over-protective father (that's a lie, yes I am, and I fake it the best I can) but I always have my radar up. I trust her explicitly, but I would rip a man limb from limb if he put his hands on my daughter. Sorry, this went to a weird place, but yes, height and age don't always correlate.

I appreciate everyone's advice and personal experiences. I'm just trying to be a good dad and I don't have a lot of tall women friends to talk to where it wouldn't be an awkward conversation Thanks again everyone!

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely an advantage but it can limit the dating pool particularly if she is not thin or delicate (like, thin wrists). But it’s a genuine professional advantage, f-ed up as that may be.
-5’11” woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s great that you are thinking about this. I wish my dad had just told me I was beautiful. He thought saying it would make me prioritize superficial things, but it ended up leaving me desperate to hear it from boys.

OP here... I'm sorry I missed this. That's a very real thing and kind of something I grew up with too. I always felt like I was getting judged everyday. I just hit 5000 consecutive days of telling my daughter I love her. I also randomly add that she is awesome, beautiful, incredible, or some variation thereof. Even if I'm traveling I make sure I can make the call. She is my everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 8th grader just passed her 6'1" father in height (I am 5'9"). We totally celebrated and took pictures. She definitely is self conscious especially since her sister is 14 months older and 5'7" so everyone assumes the "baby" of the family is older. Don't say anything. They are all such weird beasts at this age, even if you think you are saying something nice she will bite your head off.

That’s awesome! I’m the PP with the 5’10” 12-year-old and I think this could be her next year, too. Her favorite shoes are 2” platforms, though, so she doesn’t seem to mind going higher and higher.

Weird beasts is an apt description—I think one of the most challenging things at this age is not the height itself, but that people expect a certain level of maturity from them that isn’t there yet.

hehehe It is always that way. DS has been in the 99th percentile his entire life. I used to have people try and talk with him when he was in the stroller at the grocery store. He was 1 but looked closer to 2. The adult was always kind enough to tell me not to worry, boys are slower to talk than girls. I would say thanks and then tell them that he was 1. We seem to misjudge age a lot and it can be hard on tweens and teens because the expectations are so different.

[Anonymous]

I have a tall DD - 5'9". I always figured she'd be tall because I am and my husband's family are all tall.

Just tell her to own her height, never excuse it or be ashamed of it. And not to slouch - nothing worse than a tall person with their head hung low, aware of their height.

[Anonymous]

She will be self conscious about everything, try not to comment. But If she starts to slouch, work other posture.

[Anonymous]

It’s a confidence thing and all of us have things to be self conscious about. For my talk DD, it’s her acne. I listen and booked dermatologist appointments when it got really bad. As for her height, she sometimes pats me on the head and says she can reach the top shelf and get things for me so ask when I need. It’s her running joke since I’m short. I don’t being this up to her, but I make sure her clothes are not too revealing because she looks older than she is. She’s just a kid and can pass as a teen.

So basically, listen to your kid and support them. There will be a lot of things they are self conscious about over the years. Some you can fix, some you can’t and some you don’t need to. I wouldn’t bring up her height because there is nothing you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She does have to watch out for people, including predatory men, treating her as older than her age because they assume being taller=being older.

This.
Make sure that someone is having this conversation with her. I am 5’11” and I got a lot of attention when I was 12-14 from older guys. At that age I was flattered/excited they were paying attention to me. My eldest is almost 13, 5’ 10” and very curvey. They are definitely getting a lot of looks from older boys/men. I’m happy that I talked to her about the possibility that people might think they are older and do things that are inappropriate.
I’m not too worried about “finding a man” because any man worth having wouldn’t care if his partner is taller than him.

[Anonymous]

Our whole family is very short but due to our profession we happen to interact with primarily tall women involved in college athletics. My DD is little and will be lucky to make it to 5’4” but loves these girls and has asked how long it will be until she is as tall as her 6’2” babysitter.

I don’t love the pressure on tall girls to be athletic, but I think sports that involve a variety of ages can be a really positive thing for adolescent girls. Think club rowing teams with 6-12th graders, swim teams with 13&u practices , etc. the variety of ages and physical development makes height differences less obvious and once your DD is older they give girls a chance to feel like leader and role models for younger girls, which is huge for confidence.

[Anonymous]

Become the envy of laxdads everywhere:

https://cuse.com/sports/womens-lacrosse/roster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 12 and 5'9" and she loves it because so many people ogle her about her height. I'm 5'8" and my whole life I wished I was taller. Never had problem finding tall men. DD doesn't mind being tall because people constantly tell her she looks like a model, I think. That never hurts. She's also a highly skilled basketball and lacrosse player so she knows how to use her gift.

I could have written this except DD is not super athletic. I always focus on controlling what you can. Continue to be there for her so she has someone to talk to if she needs it and make sure she knows that you think she is beautiful. DD was always tall for her age and from a toddler until today whenever someone says she's so tall DH replies Thank you, tall and beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Also, not all tall kids are athletic or want to play sports or be a model. I'm 5'11" and hated people asking me if I played basketball. My kids are extremely tall (7.5 year old is over 5 ft) and are not sporty at all. People are always asking if they play basketball/Volleyball/LAX.
People don't ask small people if they are going to join a circus or be a jockey.

It's annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, not all tall kids are athletic or want to play sports or be a model. I'm 5'11" and hated people asking me if I played basketball. My kids are extremely tall (7.5 year old is over 5 ft) and are not sporty at all. People are always asking if they play basketball/Volleyball/LAX.
People don't ask small people if they are going to join a circus or be a jockey.

It's annoying.

this legit made me LOL

[Anonymous]

I'm 5'10" and have been since I was about 14 (which was a very long time ago). I was never an athletic star, but height made it easier to be good enough to run, play club sports in college, etc.
I did get that inappropriate attention from older men (and was able to pass as old enough to go to bars and clubs when I shouldn't have been there). The teenage years are ones to keep an eye on and try to be cautious -- I narrowly avoided some bad situation in retrospect. but once I hit my 20s it has been great being tall. I've never found it limited my dating pool in a way I cared about, and it has helped professionally.
I don't even think 5'10" is very tall anymore -- my teenagers are all taller than me, and their friends (boys and girls) tower over me - and the girls wear heels because they like to!

[Anonymous]

I am 6 feet. I did not like being tall when I was a teenager but as an adult it is great.

Lots of good advice here.

One thing I would think about is talking to her about how to respond to comments/questions. When I was younger I felt more obligated to engage with random people who commented to me or answer their stupid questions. (Do you play basketball for the 50th time is old.). Now I don’t. She does not owe randoms her time and energy. The questions and comments are rude and clueless and annoying. Being freed from having to respond to people as I got older was liberating.