Nanny or childcare

[Anonymous]

Hello everybody! I need advice from experienced parents who have gone through different types of early childhood education or have seen other examples. We think about what is better: nanny or childcare. We are both working parents who have a shift schedule (we are beginning doctors) and in the current conditions, our schedule is constantly changing. But on the other hand, almost every day one of us is at home and takes care of the child. What do you recommend? I know that there are many different children care Brooklyn and we have Little Scholars near our house and they seem to have high ratings.
Therefore, I ask you for advice and a detailed history of your case if it is not difficult for you about what you chose and how it affected your life and the life of your child.

[Anonymous]

The changing shift schedules makes me think that having a nanny would be best. It would give you and spouse time with your child. It would be much easier to have someone come to you at the same time everyday rather than have to coordinate drop-off and pick-up with changing schedules.

The disadvantage is that you have to be someone’s boss. You have to deal with sick days having someone in your home. But as noted above, that arrangement may be more conducive to your current schedule.

[Anonymous]

Child care for infants is really horrible. A 1:4 or 1:3 ratio means infants basically are only fed and diapered. Very little time for caregivers to give them attention beyond that as they are literally juggling 3 or 4 total infants. I work in early childhood education and I love preschool starting at age 3 and perhaps half day at age 2 but before then I’ll be honest, it’s not good. I put my first in daycare and never again. Plus you have all the childhood illnesses. Hand foot and mouth, roseola, RSV, flu, etc with an infant suck.

[Anonymous]

I’d go with au pair. They are more open to moving schedules than nannies who want reliable hours in specific windows.

[Anonymous]

We have one both, daycare and nanny, and I highly recommend a nanny.

Our oldest went to daycare (pre-covid) and was sick so often that DH and I burned up all vacation, PTO, and sick days and then some (MIL had to step in). With the covid restrictions now this would have been worse for us.

Then we got a wonderful nanny, a former preschool teacher, who has been a godsend. She kept our oldest engaged and learning all day. His progress was nothing short of amazing. When our second baby came along, the differences were even more marked.

[Anonymous]

It depends if any of the hours you need are outside “ normal” childcare hours. If they are you need to find a Nanny who is available those hours. If you need FT hours I would also find a Nanny. If you only need 2-3 days a week and it’s not a long day I think a day care center will be fine.

[Anonymous]

We chose a flexible and educated nanny. It’s absolutely more expensive but is so good for both us and our now toddler. Not having to drag him out on cold mornings; very few illnesses, consistent schedule for him; sleeping in his own bed; one-on-one engagement.

Plus nanny prepares his food, does his laundry, and grocery shop and orders for him so we’re never running out to get milk or diapers! And he always has fresh, homemade food.

[Anonymous]

Nanny in your situation. If you are both doctors you won’t be able to take time off at the drop of a hat. The first year in daycare is full of all kinds of illnesses. We would sometimes get called in the middle of the day asking us to take our child home as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d go with au pair. They are more open to moving schedules than nannies who want reliable hours in specific windows.

Yeah, this is what I thought, and the au pair agencies really try to sell this. But the reality is that most au pairs get pissy and entitled if you want them to work evenings or weekends, and they will rematch and leave you in the lurch at the drop of a hat. I found them to be even less reliable than nannies, who were also unreliable.

OP, the benefit of daycare is that it doesn't all rest on the shoulders of one person who could flake and throw your life into a tailspin at any moment. It's just always there (barring crazy events like the pandemic, and even then, ours reopened fairly quickly). Au pairs are so unreliable that the last time I had one, I kept my kids in full-day daycare in case the au pair quit (which she did, within a month. She didn't like working evenings and weekends. Not sure when she thought she would be working, since she was told from the beginning that the kids were in preschool/ daycare all day, and I needed her to work outside of those hours so I could focus on taking care of my terminally ill parent).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d go with au pair. They are more open to moving schedules than nannies who want reliable hours in specific windows.

Yeah, this is what I thought, and the au pair agencies really try to sell this. But the reality is that most au pairs get pissy and entitled if you want them to work evenings or weekends, and they will rematch and leave you in the lurch at the drop of a hat. I found them to be even less reliable than nannies, who were also unreliable.

OP, the benefit of daycare is that it doesn't all rest on the shoulders of one person who could flake and throw your life into a tailspin at any moment. It's just always there (barring crazy events like the pandemic, and even then, ours reopened fairly quickly). Au pairs are so unreliable that the last time I had one, I kept my kids in full-day daycare in case the au pair quit (which she did, within a month. She didn't like working evenings and weekends. Not sure when she thought she would be working, since she was told from the beginning that the kids were in preschool/ daycare all day, and I needed her to work outside of those hours so I could focus on taking care of my terminally ill parent).

Same experience with au pairs. They are (IME) flakey, nerdy, and way too much drama. But we went with a live-out nanny who’s worked out brilliantly. We don’t like group care for babies and having a good nanny gave the kids what they needed and then some and gave us freedom. The daycare connected to our hospital was okay but not great (two-year-old room didn’t even have windows and the good babies were pretty much ignored in the baby room) for the kids when they were young. Our oldest goes to preK there now but nanny picks him up at 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d go with au pair. They are more open to moving schedules than nannies who want reliable hours in specific windows.

Yeah, this is what I thought, and the au pair agencies really try to sell this. But the reality is that most au pairs get pissy and entitled if you want them to work evenings or weekends, and they will rematch and leave you in the lurch at the drop of a hat. I found them to be even less reliable than nannies, who were also unreliable.

OP, the benefit of daycare is that it doesn't all rest on the shoulders of one person who could flake and throw your life into a tailspin at any moment. It's just always there (barring crazy events like the pandemic, and even then, ours reopened fairly quickly). Au pairs are so unreliable that the last time I had one, I kept my kids in full-day daycare in case the au pair quit (which she did, within a month. She didn't like working evenings and weekends. Not sure when she thought she would be working, since she was told from the beginning that the kids were in preschool/ daycare all day, and I needed her to work outside of those hours so I could focus on taking care of my terminally ill parent).

Same experience with au pairs. They are (IME) flakey, nerdy, and way too much drama. But we went with a live-out nanny who’s worked out brilliantly. We don’t like group care for babies and having a good nanny gave the kids what they needed and then some and gave us freedom. The daycare connected to our hospital was okay but not great (two-year-old room didn’t even have windows and the good babies were pretty much ignored in the baby room) for the kids when they were young. Our oldest goes to preK there now but nanny picks him up at 3.

** needy not nerdy! Geez, the last thing our two au pairs were was nerdy!

[Anonymous]

Lol. That makes more sense. I was thinking that a nerdy au pair would be preferable to whatever the alternative would be.

[Anonymous]

Good nannies are 1 in 100 in my experience. So, they're out there and a good nanny is better than the best daycare, but in reality most nannies are bad. So, I think a good daycare trumps a mediocre nanny. And it's impossible to know if a nanny will be good until you're a few months in. Trust me, they're all great on the interview.

Personally I like the reliability, structure and accountability of daycare. I hate employing someone and having to deal with that.

-mom on her third nanny in 18 months who can't find daycare spots

[Anonymous]

We fully expected to do daycare for cost reasons. Two things changed our minds:

1) In downtown DC, an on the books, 40 hr. per week nanny share is the same cost as daycare. So the cost part disappeared.
2) While there are lots of babies who can sleep anywhere, or who can learn to sleep anywhere, my baby was NOT one of them. I am confident that daycare would have been a sleep disaster for him. He needs a pitch black room to take good naps. And the nanny share is great for that. We host, so he naps in his own room. It also means much more control over his schedule. Most daycares also move babies to one nap at 12 months. Well, most babies need two naps longer than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are 1 in 100 in my experience. So, they're out there and a good nanny is better than the best daycare, but in reality most nannies are bad. So, I think a good daycare trumps a mediocre nanny. And it's impossible to know if a nanny will be good until you're a few months in. Trust me, they're all great on the interview.

Personally I like the reliability, structure and accountability of daycare. I hate employing someone and having to deal with that.

-mom on her third nanny in 18 months who can't find daycare spots

Not my experience at all. We’ve had the same nanny for nearly three years and she’s amazing. She’s also never once been late and never once called in sick (she took a planned sick day after her second covid shot). All my friends with nannies love them. My boss has had the same loving nanny for five years and my BFF for almost 7 years. DS’s two best buddies have had the same nannies since birth too.

Three different nannies in 18 months? You either got incredibly unlucky or were underpaying, PP.