Nanny or childcare

[Anonymous]

The best way to get a nanny is through word of mouth, but they often aren't available at the time you need them.

That's why you sometimes hear stories of parents "stealing" nannies.

Care.com and Sittercity are crapshoots unless you're willing to pay above market pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are 1 in 100 in my experience. So, they're out there and a good nanny is better than the best daycare, but in reality most nannies are bad. So, I think a good daycare trumps a mediocre nanny. And it's impossible to know if a nanny will be good until you're a few months in. Trust me, they're all great on the interview.

Personally I like the reliability, structure and accountability of daycare. I hate employing someone and having to deal with that.

-mom on her third nanny in 18 months who can't find daycare spots

Not my experience at all. We’ve had the same nanny for nearly three years and she’s amazing. She’s also never once been late and never once called in sick (she took a planned sick day after her second covid shot). All my friends with nannies love them. My boss has had the same loving nanny for five years and my BFF for almost 7 years. DS’s two best buddies have had the same nannies since birth too.

Three different nannies in 18 months? You either got incredibly unlucky or were underpaying, PP.

I mean I can give anecdotal evidence too. I have a friend who is on her fourth in two years. Another friend had three quit in a few months. My sister had a very well qualified and nanny agency vetted nanny steal prescription drugs from her. We all pay $32+ an hour, seven days of sick leave, fourteen days paid vacation. It's luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are 1 in 100 in my experience. So, they're out there and a good nanny is better than the best daycare, but in reality most nannies are bad. So, I think a good daycare trumps a mediocre nanny. And it's impossible to know if a nanny will be good until you're a few months in. Trust me, they're all great on the interview.

Personally I like the reliability, structure and accountability of daycare. I hate employing someone and having to deal with that.

-mom on her third nanny in 18 months who can't find daycare spots

Not my experience at all. We’ve had the same nanny for nearly three years and she’s amazing. She’s also never once been late and never once called in sick (she took a planned sick day after her second covid shot). All my friends with nannies love them. My boss has had the same loving nanny for five years and my BFF for almost 7 years. DS’s two best buddies have had the same nannies since birth too.

Three different nannies in 18 months? You either got incredibly unlucky or were underpaying, PP.

I mean I can give anecdotal evidence too. I have a friend who is on her fourth in two years. Another friend had three quit in a few months. My sister had a very well qualified and nanny agency vetted nanny steal prescription drugs from her. We all pay $32+ an hour, seven days of sick leave, fourteen days paid vacation. It's luck.

^^^ and I'll explain why I'm on my third: first quit when covid hit, didn't want to leave her house. Second refused to get vaccinated. Currently with the third and she's fine but we'll see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are 1 in 100 in my experience. So, they're out there and a good nanny is better than the best daycare, but in reality most nannies are bad. So, I think a good daycare trumps a mediocre nanny. And it's impossible to know if a nanny will be good until you're a few months in. Trust me, they're all great on the interview.

Personally I like the reliability, structure and accountability of daycare. I hate employing someone and having to deal with that.

-mom on her third nanny in 18 months who can't find daycare spots

Not my experience at all. We’ve had the same nanny for nearly three years and she’s amazing. She’s also never once been late and never once called in sick (she took a planned sick day after her second covid shot). All my friends with nannies love them. My boss has had the same loving nanny for five years and my BFF for almost 7 years. DS’s two best buddies have had the same nannies since birth too.

Three different nannies in 18 months? You either got incredibly unlucky or were underpaying, PP.

I mean I can give anecdotal evidence too. I have a friend who is on her fourth in two years. Another friend had three quit in a few months. My sister had a very well qualified and nanny agency vetted nanny steal prescription drugs from her. We all pay $32+ an hour, seven days of sick leave, fourteen days paid vacation. It's luck.

Wow, you and your friends have really bad lunch. Our nanny is like a third grandparent to our kids and we found her five years ago on care.com. Same with my friends. My brother has had the same nanny for 14 years.

[Anonymous]

You look for both. During the search, one will feel more right than another. And you'll then know what your actual choices are, rather than imagining.

[Anonymous]

For an infant? Definitely get a nanny. For an older child, you could consider daycare if you and DH are guaranteed not to both be working after 6PM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For an infant? Definitely get a nanny. For an older child, you could consider daycare if you and DH are guaranteed not to both be working after 6PM.

Genuine question: would it work to have an au pair and do a co-op school, or program like the DPR co-ops?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are 1 in 100 in my experience. So, they're out there and a good nanny is better than the best daycare, but in reality most nannies are bad. So, I think a good daycare trumps a mediocre nanny. And it's impossible to know if a nanny will be good until you're a few months in. Trust me, they're all great on the interview.

Personally I like the reliability, structure and accountability of daycare. I hate employing someone and having to deal with that.

-mom on her third nanny in 18 months who can't find daycare spots

Not my experience at all. We’ve had the same nanny for nearly three years and she’s amazing. She’s also never once been late and never once called in sick (she took a planned sick day after her second covid shot). All my friends with nannies love them. My boss has had the same loving nanny for five years and my BFF for almost 7 years. DS’s two best buddies have had the same nannies since birth too.

Three different nannies in 18 months? You either got incredibly unlucky or were underpaying, PP.

I mean I can give anecdotal evidence too. I have a friend who is on her fourth in two years. Another friend had three quit in a few months. My sister had a very well qualified and nanny agency vetted nanny steal prescription drugs from her. We all pay $32+ an hour, seven days of sick leave, fourteen days paid vacation. It's luck.

+1

The people with the amazing nannies who stayed with them for years are lucky. I have a friend who had one of those great nannies for 4 years (since her first kid was born), but she quit at the start of the pandemic because my friend is a doctor who was exposed to COVID every day at work, and the nanny wanted to work for someone who was less exposed. Now my friend has had 4 nannies in a year and her husband is pushing for daycare because it's reliable. Good nannies are very hard to find, and like a PP said, they ALL seem great in the interview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For an infant? Definitely get a nanny. For an older child, you could consider daycare if you and DH are guaranteed not to both be working after 6PM.

Genuine question: would it work to have an au pair and do a co-op school, or program like the DPR co-ops?

No. Au pairs aren’t recommended for infants. But for older kids, it could work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are 1 in 100 in my experience. So, they're out there and a good nanny is better than the best daycare, but in reality most nannies are bad. So, I think a good daycare trumps a mediocre nanny. And it's impossible to know if a nanny will be good until you're a few months in. Trust me, they're all great on the interview.

Personally I like the reliability, structure and accountability of daycare. I hate employing someone and having to deal with that.

-mom on her third nanny in 18 months who can't find daycare spots

Not my experience at all. We’ve had the same nanny for nearly three years and she’s amazing. She’s also never once been late and never once called in sick (she took a planned sick day after her second covid shot). All my friends with nannies love them. My boss has had the same loving nanny for five years and my BFF for almost 7 years. DS’s two best buddies have had the same nannies since birth too.

Three different nannies in 18 months? You either got incredibly unlucky or were underpaying, PP.

I mean I can give anecdotal evidence too. I have a friend who is on her fourth in two years. Another friend had three quit in a few months. My sister had a very well qualified and nanny agency vetted nanny steal prescription drugs from her. We all pay $32+ an hour, seven days of sick leave, fourteen days paid vacation. It's luck.

+1

The people with the amazing nannies who stayed with them for years are lucky. I have a friend who had one of those great nannies for 4 years (since her first kid was born), but she quit at the start of the pandemic because my friend is a doctor who was exposed to COVID every day at work, and the nanny wanted to work for someone who was less exposed. Now my friend has had 4 nannies in a year and her husband is pushing for daycare because it's reliable. Good nannies are very hard to find, and like a PP said, they ALL seem great in the interview.

NP here and not my experience at all! Our nanny was a stand out in interviews and I just knew she was the right one for us. But some interviewed horribly! One never once looked at the baby and was only concerned with her vacation days; another’s English was so bad that she thought I said I had two children and kept asking about “the other”.

I doubt doubt that we got incredibly lucky finding our amazing Mary Poppins however!

[Anonymous]

I would get an au pair and a regular nanny if you can afford it, OP. Are you both surgeons? You need reliable backup childcare. I wouldn’t rely on an au pair for primary infant care (although I did and she was fantastic but I realize now she was an absolute unicorn. You don’t want the headache of dealing w an immature 20 year old) but she/he would be a great backup option or flex hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d go with au pair. They are more open to moving schedules than nannies who want reliable hours in specific windows.

Yeah, this is what I thought, and the au pair agencies really try to sell this. But the reality is that most au pairs get pissy and entitled if you want them to work evenings or weekends, and they will rematch and leave you in the lurch at the drop of a hat. I found them to be even less reliable than nannies, who were also unreliable.

OP, the benefit of daycare is that it doesn't all rest on the shoulders of one person who could flake and throw your life into a tailspin at any moment. It's just always there (barring crazy events like the pandemic, and even then, ours reopened fairly quickly). Au pairs are so unreliable that the last time I had one, I kept my kids in full-day daycare in case the au pair quit (which she did, within a month. She didn't like working evenings and weekends. Not sure when she thought she would be working, since she was told from the beginning that the kids were in preschool/ daycare all day, and I needed her to work outside of those hours so I could focus on taking care of my terminally ill parent).

Do not hire an aupair for a newborn. You will have a tough time finding one which will work odd hours right now anyway. We were turned down by like 7 applicants because of a saturday morning shift from 10-2pm twice a month. One wanted $325/week on top of the normal fees and housing. She only had babysitting experience in her home country too.

Hire a nanny. Don't mess around with the visa/travel bans/aupair flakiness and demands right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good nannies are 1 in 100 in my experience. So, they're out there and a good nanny is better than the best daycare, but in reality most nannies are bad. So, I think a good daycare trumps a mediocre nanny. And it's impossible to know if a nanny will be good until you're a few months in. Trust me, they're all great on the interview.

Personally I like the reliability, structure and accountability of daycare. I hate employing someone and having to deal with that.

-mom on her third nanny in 18 months who can't find daycare spots

Not my experience at all. We’ve had the same nanny for nearly three years and she’s amazing. She’s also never once been late and never once called in sick (she took a planned sick day after her second covid shot). All my friends with nannies love them. My boss has had the same loving nanny for five years and my BFF for almost 7 years. DS’s two best buddies have had the same nannies since birth too.

Three different nannies in 18 months? You either got incredibly unlucky or were underpaying, PP.

NP. Different people have different standards. It's possible that you found a great nanny. But there are many out there that are not amazing. Just like not every teacher or nurse or lawyer is amazing, same with this occupation. There many that are blah and many who are not so great. Then there are also parents who are willing to outsource some thinking and decision making, meaning some employers give a lot of leeway and autonomy to nannies, while others are more specific and want things done in a certain way. Neither way is right or wrong, it's just that things differ.

[Anonymous]

Nanny for sure.