Potty training - how to make the transition to underwear & other questions

[Anonymous]

My son is almost 4 and we've finally started making progress with potty training. He's doing great with peeing and pooping on the potty at home. How do you know when they're ready to make the transition to underwear? Problem is only the weekends we normally head out for the day to the park, beach or just out and about and don't always have close access to a bathroom so we just put him in a pull up.

Also we're going out of town for a few days next week, can we still try to potty train him on the regular toilet?

Last thing is.. my DH has not been as cooperative as I would like with helping out, he would rather just throw a diaper on him so he can go back to doing something else. I have tried to tell him that causes him to regress and isn't helpful and we need to be on the same page but it just becomes a terrible argument about how he does so much etc etc. That's another story though.

Any advice would be great appreciated. TIA!

[Anonymous]

wait until after the trip, then go underwear only. At 4, he should be able to do everything except possibly wipe well.

[Anonymous]

Do not ever put him in another pull up. Four is really old to still be in pull ups! You don’t have to put him in underwear though - just his shorts or pants. Night diaper only and if necessary.

Get a travel potty or teach him to pee behind a tree.

[Anonymous]

He’s almost 4! Yes, get rid of all pull-up diapers and put the poor kid in pants! Do it now. Get a potette travel potty and a travel toilet insert if you want to use public toilets.

Poor little guy. Let him grow up.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I realize he is way behind, however we tried potty training him earlier but he refused. He would cry and have a meltdown if I suggested using the potty so I didn't want to make it traumatic/scary by forcing him. It's only been as of the past few weeks he's been open to it. Now he's doing great and I'm just trying to figure out the next step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize he is way behind, however we tried potty training him earlier but he refused. He would cry and have a meltdown if I suggested using the potty so I didn't want to make it traumatic/scary by forcing him. It's only been as of the past few weeks he's been open to it. Now he's doing great and I'm just trying to figure out the next step.

OP, you're fine -- ignore the haters. People who have never had a reluctant-to-train child don't understand that it has nothing to do with you trying to hold them back. Some kids just do NOT want to use the potty and you are totally right that trying to force them to never works. He's on the late side but still within the range of normal, and good for you for figuring it out because training an older 3yo is not easy (I have been there!).

But yes, get a potette (it's a little collapsible potty that you can throw in the car or stroller with a plastic bag to catch anything) so he can go when you are not near a bathroom. You can also teach him to pee in the bushes, but my experience is that slow-to-train kids can be a little stressed out by this and the potette helps them feel more secure during the transition. Once using the potty is no big deal to him, you can introduce the idea of going without a potty while on hikes and things.

One option to make the transition out of pull ups a little easier is to get cotton training pants. They are like underwear (and washable) but have some extra padding in them to soak up accidents. They do NOT prevent leaks -- if he pees in them, it will soak through. But for kids who are very attached to pull ups, these offer a tiny bit more security. I think it's really just the feel of them. Older kids have a harder time ditching diapers/pullups because they are very used to the sensation of the extra bulk and they can feel insecure and exposed in just underwear. But training pants are effectively underwear and since they are washable, he could wear them for a year if he wanted. It's a good in between step if your kid is really nervous about going to underwear.

Good luck and ignore anyone else in this thread who wants to shame you or your kid. You are doing awesome and so is he. I am sorry your DH has not been as helpful or supportive -- mine wasn't either and I definitely think it made it harder. But good for you for figuring it out. And yay for hard won potty success!

[Anonymous]

Echo the other posters: NO MORE PULL-UPS. Get them out of the house. That way your lazy husband can’t revert to them and it’s a great signal to your son that that’s over.

Skip the underwear. PP is wrong about training pants for a child your son’s age. You want him to go totally commando - no underwear or anything close to his genitals. Underwear feels like pull ups and he’s more likely to subconsciously release urine if he’s wearing underwear.

Start now. Don’t wait until after your trip. You’re finally moving forward so don’t jinx it or set him back. Yes, big yes to the travel potty.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you all for the helpful responses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I realize he is way behind, however we tried potty training him earlier but he refused. He would cry and have a meltdown if I suggested using the potty so I didn't want to make it traumatic/scary by forcing him. It's only been as of the past few weeks he's been open to it. Now he's doing great and I'm just trying to figure out the next step.

OP, you're fine -- ignore the haters. People who have never had a reluctant-to-train child don't understand that it has nothing to do with you trying to hold them back. Some kids just do NOT want to use the potty and you are totally right that trying to force them to never works. He's on the late side but still within the range of normal, and good for you for figuring it out because training an older 3yo is not easy (I have been there!).

But yes, get a potette (it's a little collapsible potty that you can throw in the car or stroller with a plastic bag to catch anything) so he can go when you are not near a bathroom. You can also teach him to pee in the bushes, but my experience is that slow-to-train kids can be a little stressed out by this and the potette helps them feel more secure during the transition. Once using the potty is no big deal to him, you can introduce the idea of going without a potty while on hikes and things.

One option to make the transition out of pull ups a little easier is to get cotton training pants. They are like underwear (and washable) but have some extra padding in them to soak up accidents. They do NOT prevent leaks -- if he pees in them, it will soak through. But for kids who are very attached to pull ups, these offer a tiny bit more security. I think it's really just the feel of them. Older kids have a harder time ditching diapers/pullups because they are very used to the sensation of the extra bulk and they can feel insecure and exposed in just underwear. But training pants are effectively underwear and since they are washable, he could wear them for a year if he wanted. It's a good in between step if your kid is really nervous about going to underwear.

Good luck and ignore anyone else in this thread who wants to shame you or your kid. You are doing awesome and so is he. I am sorry your DH has not been as helpful or supportive -- mine wasn't either and I definitely think it made it harder. But good for you for figuring it out. And yay for hard won potty success!

Thank you this is very helpful!

[Anonymous]

Do the posters who are suggesting OP just go cold turkey on pull ups have experience potty training an older child, or are you just responding to what you think is someone who “waited too long” to potty train?

I ask because I had a late-to-train child and posted about it on these boards and everyone said the same thing— throw out pull-ups, don’t give your child a choice. I get why people thought that was the solution because yes, my kid was absolutely attached to pull-ups as security and it was inhibiting her ability to train.

But what people don’t understand is that children like this LOSE THEIR MINDS if you try to deprive them of pull ups. It’s their security blanket, they often have tons of potty anxiety, and if you tell them “no pull-ups after [x time]” or worse, just took them away one day, their anxiety goes through the roof and you often lose whatever progress you’ve made around potty training to that point.

We had to work with a behavioral therapist to train our kid. Unlike the DCUM crowd, she never suggested taking pull-ups away 100% and in fact our kid still wears them at night and probably will for at least another year or two. What we wound up doing was a gradual step down, starting with “pants off” afternoons at home. That did indeed mean waiting until after a planned vacation and until weather improved, because the goal was to optimize security and comfort for our kid and we needed not to have a deadline to decrease stress and anxiety.

Basically: if you have never trained an older child, and especially not a child who actively resisted training (my kid had total, epic meltdowns when we attempted to train via Oh Crap and other DCUM-approved methods at 2.5 and then 3), then you maybe should not weigh in on these threads. Especially if your first reaction is that it’s shameful or bad that an almost-4yo is in pull-ups. You are suggesting ineffective methods based on a sense of shame and urgency, which is the LAST THING a parent or child in this position needs. The truth is that older, anxious kids need to have a lot of control over potty training because it’s the only way for them to address their anxiety and “feel ready”. Younger kids don’t necessarily need that and can be guided/bribed/cajoled more easily. If you only trained a younger child, you are not a potty training expert. The opposite actually. You had an easier to train child and this have less knowledge and experience in this specific issue.

[Anonymous]

I mean, most people go out to the park, etc. with their kids during the day. It sucks but you need to pick a couple of days and stay home. No pull-ups. I guess you could bring a potty in the car but you still need to ditch the pull-ups and I’d rather deal with the inevitable accident at home that first weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the posters who are suggesting OP just go cold turkey on pull ups have experience potty training an older child, or are you just responding to what you think is someone who “waited too long” to potty train?

I ask because I had a late-to-train child and posted about it on these boards and everyone said the same thing— throw out pull-ups, don’t give your child a choice. I get why people thought that was the solution because yes, my kid was absolutely attached to pull-ups as security and it was inhibiting her ability to train.

But what people don’t understand is that children like this LOSE THEIR MINDS if you try to deprive them of pull ups. It’s their security blanket, they often have tons of potty anxiety, and if you tell them “no pull-ups after [x time]” or worse, just took them away one day, their anxiety goes through the roof and you often lose whatever progress you’ve made around potty training to that point.

We had to work with a behavioral therapist to train our kid. Unlike the DCUM crowd, she never suggested taking pull-ups away 100% and in fact our kid still wears them at night and probably will for at least another year or two. What we wound up doing was a gradual step down, starting with “pants off” afternoons at home. That did indeed mean waiting until after a planned vacation and until weather improved, because the goal was to optimize security and comfort for our kid and we needed not to have a deadline to decrease stress and anxiety.

Basically: if you have never trained an older child, and especially not a child who actively resisted training (my kid had total, epic meltdowns when we attempted to train via Oh Crap and other DCUM-approved methods at 2.5 and then 3), then you maybe should not weigh in on these threads. Especially if your first reaction is that it’s shameful or bad that an almost-4yo is in pull-ups. You are suggesting ineffective methods based on a sense of shame and urgency, which is the LAST THING a parent or child in this position needs. The truth is that older, anxious kids need to have a lot of control over potty training because it’s the only way for them to address their anxiety and “feel ready”. Younger kids don’t necessarily need that and can be guided/bribed/cajoled more easily. If you only trained a younger child, you are not a potty training expert. The opposite actually. You had an easier to train child and this have less knowledge and experience in this specific issue.

It sounds like your child had other issues, PP. This is not the norm by any means. Most kids like pull ups because they’re the easiest. The path of least resistance. They can pee while not stopping what they’re doing.

So yes, I stand by my advice to get rid of all pull ups unless your child has anxiety issues like yours did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your child had other issues, PP. This is not the norm by any means. Most kids like pull ups because they’re the easiest. The path of least resistance. They can pee while not stopping what they’re doing.

So yes, I stand by my advice to get rid of all pull ups unless your child has anxiety issues like yours did.

Here is what OP said about her own child:

I realize he is way behind, however we tried potty training him earlier but he refused. He would cry and have a meltdown if I suggested using the potty so I didn't want to make it traumatic/scary by forcing him. It's only been as of the past few weeks he's been open to it. Now he's doing great and I'm just trying to figure out the next step.

This is incredibly common with older kids who parents attempted to train when they were younger and they just flat out refused. Now, I don't know OP's kid, maybe if she said "Ok, starting this weekend we're not using pull ups anymore, no more pull ups!" maybe he's in a place where he would accept that and it would be okay. But if in the past he has had total meltdowns about the suggestion of using the potty, there's a good chance he is very attached to pull ups and would freak out at this.

Which is why I am saying that if you did not potty train a reluctant-to-train child who trained later, then your assumption that the problem is simply the availability of pull ups is incorrect. People think that the issue is just you need to take the pull ups away and then the child will suddenly sit on the potty, and they don't understand what it is like to actually work with a child like this. It's not mechanical.

Plus, if OP is seeing success with the potty right now while her son is still in pull ups, that means he has learned to use the potty despite the presence of pull ups. At some point they have to take them away, yes. But doing it too soon could result in the child freaking out, which could undo all the tentative progress he has made.

People need to stop suggesting this to tired, frustrated parents who are dealing with hard-to-train older kids. It's crap advice. You do not know what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your child had other issues, PP. This is not the norm by any means. Most kids like pull ups because they’re the easiest. The path of least resistance. They can pee while not stopping what they’re doing.

So yes, I stand by my advice to get rid of all pull ups unless your child has anxiety issues like yours did.

Here is what OP said about her own child:

I realize he is way behind, however we tried potty training him earlier but he refused. He would cry and have a meltdown if I suggested using the potty so I didn't want to make it traumatic/scary by forcing him. It's only been as of the past few weeks he's been open to it. Now he's doing great and I'm just trying to figure out the next step.

This is incredibly common with older kids who parents attempted to train when they were younger and they just flat out refused. Now, I don't know OP's kid, maybe if she said "Ok, starting this weekend we're not using pull ups anymore, no more pull ups!" maybe he's in a place where he would accept that and it would be okay. But if in the past he has had total meltdowns about the suggestion of using the potty, there's a good chance he is very attached to pull ups and would freak out at this.

Which is why I am saying that if you did not potty train a reluctant-to-train child who trained later, then your assumption that the problem is simply the availability of pull ups is incorrect. People think that the issue is just you need to take the pull ups away and then the child will suddenly sit on the potty, and they don't understand what it is like to actually work with a child like this. It's not mechanical.

Plus, if OP is seeing success with the potty right now while her son is still in pull ups, that means he has learned to use the potty despite the presence of pull ups. At some point they have to take them away, yes. But doing it too soon could result in the child freaking out, which could undo all the tentative progress he has made.

People need to stop suggesting this to tired, frustrated parents who are dealing with hard-to-train older kids. It's crap advice. You do not know what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

OP, here's what I'd do.

I'd plan an outing to the park. Get a potette, Put it, and a few dry undies and shorts, in the car. Have child use potty before leaving.

Go to park and have fun! If he needs to go, use the potette. Or a nearby bathroom. If he has an accident-just change him. It's ok if he does-he will learn. Don't get upset or leave. It's a learning process.

You sort of have to 'just do it'. Just start taking him places in underwear and shorts. Summertime, outside is a perfect time to do it!