SIL keeps ruining plans

[Anonymous]

Background: DH has two brothers: BIL1 who lives far away, and BIL2 who lives 30 minutes away. BIL1 is not married and has no kids, BIL2 is married to SIL and their kids are grown and out of the house.

BIL1 is in town. Our kids (6 and 4) adore BIL1 and he plays with them so nicely. BIL1 stays with BIL2 and SIL when in town because they have extra rooms and live closer to the subway. SIL is awful to my kids and me and has even spread rumors among our family and friends that my kid is autistic (he is not).

We were going to have the beloved BIL1 over for dinner last Tuesday when SIL decided everyone should go to her house. We did, but then she refused to feed the kids until an hour after their normal eating time, so they cried.

We are trying to have BIL1 over again Monday, but SIL has again stepped in and insisted that everyone meet at her house again.

Now I'm trying for Sunday, hoping BIL1 can come over and the kids can see him.

This is mostly a vent, but also, what would you do in this situation? I like to get my kids fed and to bed at a reasonable hour and I prefer to keep them away from SIL (and I prefer to keep myself away from SIL), but I want the kids to see their adored uncle.

[Anonymous]

Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.

This. Easy and obvious solution.

[Anonymous]

Bring food/activities when you go to her house. Tell her you want to entertain so want everyone at your house. Tell your husband to talk to his brothers and say they are coming to his house in a way only siblings can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.

This. Easy and obvious solution.

OP is a troublemaker putting this on her SIL when she really ought to be providing food for her own kids. Why would SIL not feed the kids? It's not her responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.

This. Easy and obvious solution.

OP is a troublemaker putting this on her SIL when she really ought to be providing food for her own kids. Why would SIL not feed the kids? It's not her responsibility.

????!!!!!! When someone invites your family to their home for dinner, it is customary to feed all the guests no matter their age. Parents shouldn’t need to bring food with them except the older infant / toddler months when the kid is eating purees and baby food.

[Anonymous]

Can't you just say, "Actually Barb, this time we'd really like to host at our house."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.

This. Easy and obvious solution.

OP is a troublemaker putting this on her SIL when she really ought to be providing food for her own kids. Why would SIL not feed the kids? It's not her responsibility.

SIL invited us to dinner saying she’d feed us at 5 and then didn’t until 6:30. Kids ate an hour after their normal time when we thought they’d be eating earlier, if anything. We had already planned and bought food for BIL1 to eat at our house when SIL stepped in.

I also just don’t want my kids around someone who spreads nasty rumors. SIL is the real troublemaker with her rumors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you just say, "Actually Barb, this time we'd really like to host at our house."

Yes, each time I’ve said that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you just say, "Actually Barb, this time we'd really like to host at our house."

Yes, each time I’ve said that.

So then stand firm and don't agree to change the plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you just say, "Actually Barb, this time we'd really like to host at our house."

+1

And: "It works better for our kids, so we want to take our turn this time. We'd love for you all to join us."

[Anonymous]

Wait so BIL1 is staying at SIL’s house and you invited only BIL1 but not SIL/BIL2 to dinner? That seems like a huge faux pas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.

This. Easy and obvious solution.

OP is a troublemaker putting this on her SIL when she really ought to be providing food for her own kids. Why would SIL not feed the kids? It's not her responsibility.

????!!!!!! When someone invites your family to their home for dinner, it is customary to feed all the guests no matter their age. Parents shouldn’t need to bring food with them except the older infant / toddler months when the kid is eating purees and baby food.

Why can’t the kids eat the same food as adults? Ridiculous to expect a kids menu at someone’s house. Only in America. SMH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait so BIL1 is staying at SIL’s house and you invited only BIL1 but not SIL/BIL2 to dinner? That seems like a huge faux pas.

Eh, I hear you... but with siblings, you should be able to visit one another in private, even when staying with the others. He can come over once solo, they already ddi the big family thing (unprompted).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bring food for the kids! That way, if dinner is late, you can feed them, and of course you're free to bring them home and put them to bed on your schedule. Done.

This. Easy and obvious solution.

OP is a troublemaker putting this on her SIL when she really ought to be providing food for her own kids. Why would SIL not feed the kids? It's not her responsibility.

????!!!!!! When someone invites your family to their home for dinner, it is customary to feed all the guests no matter their age. Parents shouldn’t need to bring food with them except the older infant / toddler months when the kid is eating purees and baby food.

Why can’t the kids eat the same food as adults? Ridiculous to expect a kids menu at someone’s house. Only in America. SMH.

It's not about the food, it's about the schedule. If SIL routinely serves dinner at an hour that's too late for the kids, then she should bring food for the kids. It's not crazy to BYO food for a 4 and 6 year old.