Private school thoughts for a kid with anxiety and other issues?

[Anonymous]

My DD has generalized anxiety. We are working with a CBT therapist, but she has other issues as well. Her current teacher (she is a third grader) thinks she has Aspergers and ADHD. Her current therapist does not think she has either one, but she does present with many behaviors that are Aspergers-like and ADHD-like. School this year is going disastrously poorly and I don't see it getting better next year. Academically she is actually fine and above grade level. But socially she is floundering.

In addition to the anxiety, some of her issues are:

difficulty with transitions
not age appropriate awareness of social norms and cues for conversations
incredibly easily distracted but yet hyperfocuses and perseverates at times
highly disorganized
lots of sensory issues: foods, clothes, overreacts to uncomfortable stimuli

The therapist has suggested a social skills class.

I am seriously so confused as to what to do. She is currently in the GT program at our FCPS base school. We have the option of moving to our GT Center, but our center is not considered to be a very good one and some of the teachers are considered quite mean to 2E kids (I have spoken to current and former parents.)

I am wondering if there is a private school in NoVA for kids like her: quirky kids, who need a lot of support, but are academically on target. And frankly cost is an issue, so we don't have $30K laying around to throw at this.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

In N. Va you could look into Flint Hill...in MD McLean School of MD (in Potomac) might be a good fit. They are both expensive though.

Does she get OT? That may help with some of these sensory issues and anxiety. Social skills class sounds great if your therapist knows a good group.

What about finding some after school activities where she could meet like minded peers. What are her hobbies?

[Anonymous]

Currently she is in Girl Scouts and Girls on the Run. I was hoping she'd find a friend to click with in one those groups, but no.

I know some kids who go to Flint Hill and I would consider all of them very neurotypical. Is FHS really a school for kids with special needs?

She got OT when she was younger, but it was really doing nothing for her. The CBT is actually helping a lot with many of the sensory issues, which I now realize were rooted in a lot of anxiety.

I just don't think we can manage another thing right now. I work FT and DH is a consultant who travels a lot. And I have a younger DD who is challenging, but in different ways. I would just love to find a place for her where I didn't have to worry about the school "getting" her and giving her the hands on support she needs with the social and attention issues. She actually does extremely well one on one with kids, but in a group or classroom she gets easily overwhelmed.

[aober]

A lot of the private schools for special needs offer (substantial) financial aide.

I wouldn't rule them out of you think it might help. The Auburn School sounds like a good fit for you daughter (they serve bright, quirky kids with social skills deficits) Disclaimer--I work there so I know!

McLean might also be a good option, as a PP said.

I don't know as much about Newton, but you might look into them as well.

Good luck!

Oh, and one more thing--JSSA (Jewish Social Services Agency) might be a good local resource for social skills classes!

[Anonymous]

PP, thanks. Funny though, we were on a long waiting list to see a therapist at JSSA, but started going to InStep instead. They have social skills classes as well. The therapist recommended starting one in the fall because we are still doing a lot of intensive CBT work right now.

I have looked at brochures for Auburn and it seemed like a school for kids with pretty severe needs, am I wrong about that?

I worry that we are in the awkward middle ground that won't really quailify for FA, although I guess the only way to know is to apply.

[Anonymous]

Do you have someone managing her other issues? A social skills group is a great idea. Medication for the ADHD would allow her to function better in the classroom (most kids with Aspergers also have ADHD). I have found that it is incredibly difficult and stressful to hobble together all the interventions yourself. If you can have a child psych or developmental pediatrician to manage things it would help a lot. Also, a school consultant who specializes in special needs kids, like Suzie Keith Blattner.

[Anonymous]

18:55 here:

The description of your daughter's strengths and needs sounds very much like most of the students we serve. Feel free to PM me for more info--I don't want to make this an ad for our school.

The suggestion to talk to a school consultant is a great one, as they know the ins and outs of all the private schools and can give you objective advice.

One more thing for all parents who may not know: if your child has a documented medical diagnosis, you may be able to write private school tuition (and other services) off on your taxes. There is a little info on that in the link below, but I'd recommend you consult a tax adviser to get more info re: your specific situation.

http://personal-tax-planning.suite101.com/article.cfm/need-tuition-deductions-get-irs-tax-relief

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I am so sorry that your child is struggling ... it is hard for a parent to watch and I definitely understand your desire to find a more socially accepting environment for your child.

My child has most of the issues you describe ... he has been diagnosed as ADHD-inattentive but does have quite a bit of anxiety as well. Getting beyond the actual "diagnosis" question ... you might want to seriously consider trying a low dose of ADHD meds combined with the social skills classes. These meds make an incredible difference in allowing your child to manage perseverations, focus, transitions, and distractions in the classroom. Moreover, they really help in picking up on social norms and cues ... a child cannot respond properly to information s/he is really not perceiving. So maybe don't worry about the label and just try it ... you will know within one week if it is helping or not. Really.

Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

PP again. I meant to also offer a private school option for your consideration. Burgundy Farm is a nice small school with good academics and a very nurturing, accepting group of kids ... quirkiness is not the norm but is also much better tolerated among the kids than some other places. There are a fair number of transitions in the day, however, going between classes means being outside and the fresh air and exercise have been really "mind clearing" and helpful to my child ... not to sound too whackadoodle, but nature is rather restorative to anxious souls!

[Anonymous]

I appreciate everyone's advice.

I discussed ADHD meds with the therapist. Her thought is to first try and control the anxiety a little better and let the CBT stuff we are doing work and then see where we are. Her other thought was that many of the meds for ADHD can exacerbate anxiety (she sees a lot of ADHD kids) and would prefer not to use meds if possible. One issue this year is her teacher is not great with her. We are putting a 504 in place so hopefully that will help some with school.

I considered Burgundy, but I wonder if she might do better in a more vs less structured school? It is very hard to know what the right thing to do is! Plus, we've missed all the admissions deadlines for next year and I wonder if there are even any spaces left at these schools.

To the Auburn person, is transportation available? I could not tell from the website.

[Anonymous]

The ritalin type drugs will increase anxiety but there are others that don't. Strattera actually decreases anxiety -- my DD has ADHD and anxiety and strattera is a Godsend. For kids who are more on the spectrum tenex and its relative intuniv really help the attention issues and don't increase anxiety. You need a specialist -- a child psych or developmental ped -- to get the meds right.

I have to respectfully question the therapist's advice. ADHD medication is an entirely different issue than CBT for anxiety issues. If anything, they will help her pay attention so she can get the most out of CBT. Also, if she is having a difficult time at school, not treating these issues medically will only make her lose self-esteem, increase her anxiety, not to mention diminish her ability to get what she can out of the classroom.

In other words, it just sounds like she is in a tough spot and while CBT should be a big help for the anxiety, it really sounds like she needs more. I also think the therapist has some rigid views of medication. Meds won't interfere with the CBT, if anything they will help. Maybe you should get another opinion from a medical doctor -- such as a psychiatrist or developmental pediatrician. A CBT therapist provides one piece of the solution to the puzzle, but he or she can't be the go-to person for everything.

[Anonymous]

10:45 again -- I just reread your post and I see that it is the teacher who thinks she has these other disorders. You really, really need to get a formal, global evaluation by a child psychiatrist or a developmental pediatrician. You just can't treat the problems until you know exactly what they are. Again, the CBT therapist may be engaging in a bit of mission creep here -- his or her role is solely to treat the anxiety and she just have the expertise to treat everything.

[Anonymous]

Well, we had a full neuropsych eval done last year. At that time, the evaluator did not think she had any issues besides minor anxiety and being highly gifted in a class not meeting her needs. This year the anxiety has worsened, but I really think it is from being in a stressful situation at school and issues we have had at home. She also went through an intake evaluation at our current place which is a large multi-disciplinary therapy practice and we were referred to this therapist as the one to best meet her needs. I really don't think (me being cynical here) that if they thought they could offer us another service that they would pass on the opportunity. No trained clinical evaluator has ever thought she had Aspergers. No trained clinical evaluator has ever thought she had ADHD. They all agree she has behaviors associated with both as well anxiety. As a parent, if I thought she qualified for either diagnosis I would be ALL over it and getting her an IEP.

The problem is she is very quirky and complex, but not really diagnose-able since she does not meet the criteria. The therapist says they are even stretching a little with the anxiety. We just started therapy in January, so I don't think it's unreasonable to give the CBT a full 12 weeks before moving on to try other things. At that time, we agree that we will reassess and decide how to move forward. I do see progress from the CBT, so it is definitely not worthless. The problem is her major issues are at school and I need to get the school and the teacher on board with her interventions.

Anyway, I would love to get feedback on other schools. Or if someone has a kid who is quirky like this, where are they in school?

[Anonymous]

Regarding the more versis less structured school question ... it definitely depends on the the child. A structured school can help the child manage by providing specific and very clear expectations for exactly how each day will go and how each class will be taught and how each assignment will be assessed. This can be very comforting to a child who is anxious. However. A really bright and quirky child could also feel over-managed and not free to explore areas of personal interest or to express interesting views. What can feel comforting to one child could feel like intellectual prison to another.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to chime in again..I would be very careful about the whole writing private school tuition off on taxes advice. Have heard of people trying it without success and it is a huge red flag during a time when audits are on the rise. I would suggest talking to a very good accountant and even perhaps a tax attourney before you try that avenue.