Private school thoughts for a kid with anxiety and other issues?

[Anonymous]

11:11 again...read the article and I would be VERY surprised if a Gifted child with possible Asperger's/adhd and/or anxiety could qualify as having a medical need for private school-especially given that your child is academically above grade level. I think it would be near impossible to prove the public school could not meet her needs in these times when counties need to save money. Just my 2 cents. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

A structured school can help the child manage by providing specific and very clear expectations for exactly how each day will go and how each class will be taught and how each assignment will be assessed. This can be very comforting to a child who is anxious. However. A really bright and quirky child could also feel over-managed and not free to explore areas of personal interest or to express interesting views. What can feel comforting to one child could feel like intellectual prison to another.

OP here. This is exactly our dilemma. I think a very structured setting could be helpful to her in some ways. But when she is bored, many of her behaviors are exacerbated. So a structured school that was not meeting her academic needs at least at some level (so pace and/or depth) would be very hard for her to manage.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you looked at Oakwood in Va? I've heard good things about them. The drawback, as you voiced this concern, is the tuition. They have very limited financial assistance. I asked

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I am the one who posted about too much structure feeling like intellectual prison. For what it's worth, if this was my child, I would try very hard to address the anxiety with therapy and possibly low dose ADHD meds (ones that do not cause further anxiety... there are quite a few good ones) rather than try to manage away the anxiety by placing the child in an overly structured school environment that will inhibit her natural desire to learn and explore. I am also the poster who suggested Burgundy Farm ... the small class sizes and regular schedule could be very helpful while the nurturing aproach and fellow classmates who are encouraged to appreciate and accept differences amongst each other all seem like helpful attributes. Whether or not the school could meet your gifted child's academic needs would be something to explore ... it is a good school full of bright children and assignments can often be individualized but I would speak to the teachers directly as part of any admissions research you do.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP. Do you have a kid at Burgundy? Their website looks so nice and I think we could manage that tuition with some belt tightening.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we do have a kid there. He started in K, when we knew he was quirky but had yet to learn that ADD was also on his plate. To be honest, I'm not sure he would have gotten in if it had been known ahead of time. It is a really lovely school with very supportive teachers. They have a part-time counselor who visits each classroom about once a month to work with the kids on things like how to be a friend, being kind and accepting of people's differences, and so forth. Each class has one child who is clearly a bit unique/quirky ... the kids take it in stride and don't make a big deal about it. Gotta run do carpool!

[Anonymous]

I had a child with different issues, but was also struggling with whether to try private vs. public school. I got tremendous help from an educational consultant--Suzie Blattner--she is incredibly knowledgeable about MD schools--both public and private--I don't know if she does NOVA as well, but I'm sure there are others in VA. It cost me about $1400, but it gave me termendous peace of mind as to what to do--and we ended up in public school, (one other than our home school) with special ed help, but where he is mainly in regular classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:45 again -- I just reread your post and I see that it is the teacher who thinks she has these other disorders. You really, really need to get a formal, global evaluation by a child psychiatrist or a developmental pediatrician. You just can't treat the problems until you know exactly what they are. Again, the CBT therapist may be engaging in a bit of mission creep here -- his or her role is solely to treat the anxiety and she just have the expertise to treat everything.

Yes, yes, yes! Agree totally with the formal, global eval rec. by child psychiatrist, neuropsych, neurologist or dev. ped. You may have to call around and describe symptoms and ask a lot of questions about what each type of doc would do for an eval before you decide who to use. IME, it is VERY common for therapists to comment on medication and diagnoses, which are areas which they are NOT qualified to engage in. This is a red flag for me in a relationship with a therapist.

[Anonymous]

OP again. She had a full neuropsych eval and the therapist was assigned AFTER intake appointment with a different evaluator. The therapist has also consulted with others at the practice. We are waiting for the 12 weeks of the CBT program and will then reassess. All she said was you have to be careful with meds in kids with anxiety. Also my DD is on other meds right now for asthma/allergy and she is very sensitive to many meds in general (she tends to react very strongly to small dosages). So meds are not something I am eager to jump into with her given all the other meds she is on and the balancing act and trial and error involved. Plus it just REALLY bothers me that she only needs meds when she is stressed out by her teacher and school. ADHD meds are not to be taken lightly especially for a kid who is NOT diagnosed with ADHD! What I would prefer to find is a more supportive, less stressful school environment. She does beautifully in the summer and on breaks when she is not stressed out by school and homework.

To be honest, I'm not sure he would have gotten in if it had been known ahead of time.

This is another concern I have with private schools that are not specifically for kids with various LDs. But her WISC and achievement scores are very high and also her grades are very good. So hopefully that would help.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. Yes I think your child's obvious ability to do the work would help, but private schools (in my humble opinion) also screen for behavioral issues. My sense of it is that when families are paying a high tuition, they expect that their child not be "exposed" to children with certain types of problems. And they expect that their children's class time not be disrupted by ... well, anything. I don't think that is a global viewpoint, but it only takes a few influential families to complain. A more kind assessment of why private schools actively avoid children with known issues (again, just my opinion) is that they do not have staff with the appropriate training to handle and/or support certain types of issues. They use those scores and teacher recs during the admissions process not only to determine if a child could do the work required (so many children can in this area) but I think more importantly to try to "weed out" children who might present unintended but real headaches down the road.

In fairness though, once children are admitted and problems/issues become apparent ... the teachers try very hard to work with the child and the family. They don't just punt them out the door. But if it doesn't work, they will "counsel the child out" which is a nice way of saying "sorry, but please leave."

[Anonymous]

I am truly conflicted as to how severe her issues are. The teacher tells me one thing ("she's doing fine and much improved from the beginning of the year") but told the therapist he thinks she has ADHD and/or Aspergers. In terms of behavior, while she is definitely distracting at times, she has never been a "problem". She's never been sent to the principal, hasn't had a note sent home since first grade. So technically I have never been "notified" that she is an issue at school. Most of her behaviors are self directed (chewing on her fingers and clothes, writing on herself, crying, etc.) And one on one she tends to do extremely well. In an engaging, smaller classroom/setting, she may not even exhibit the behaviors. I'm sure the fact that they barely get a 15 minute recess most days does not help. I really think that in a more nurturing environment with smaller classes, she would do a lot better. But now that she has "anxiety" on her "record", I wonder how that would impact her chances for admission.

Another dilemma is she very adamant about not wanting to change schools. She says she loves her school. When we were considering the GT Center last year, she was very upset at the idea. That, combined with other things we were going through as a family, made us decide to give the GT classroom at the base school a try.

And not to even mention the "minor" problem that I'm realizing all this AFTER the admission season is over. Ugh.

I am thinking and reflecting on all this. Lots of food for thought. I appreciate everyone's thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Given all that you have posted, OP, I do think you owe it to yourself and your daughter to give Burgundy a call and set up a meeting with their admissions director. The school sounds like a perfect match for you in so many ways ... I have no idea if they will have a slot for your child this coming year and I know it is past application time. But if they DID have a slot, they would allow you to apply outside the normal application window. Your child not wanting to change schools is a natural reaction and not something you would force on her willy-nilly. It is also symptomatic of her anxiety. Go see the school ... in fact ... they are having an open house TODAY ... it's for summer camp but will give you a nice discrete chance to look around and possibly meet the AD in person. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

I think your child would do well at Burgundy. In my DS class they have several kids with anxiety, ADHD, learning delays, etc. (I only know this because the parents told me, it's not like teachers breach any confidence). I would say probably 1/4 of the kids have some issue ranging from very mild - (barely noticeable) to moderate. There are no severe cases in his class. Sure it's a little tough when the teachers have to focus their attention on one child who needs some extra help but it is a very small class size and so doable with two teachers. The kids have a chance to get energy out in the park-like campus atmosphere, which makes a big difference I think. I think it's good for kids who do not have such issues to be around those that to, it helps create patience and tolerance and serves as a learning opportunity for them. The only thing I have observed is a little bit of copy-cat behavior from DS when he was younger, in terms of "so-and-so" does that (and so-and-so has ADHD) so why can't I? And he was not listening, talking during class, etc. But he doesn't now.

[Anonymous]

OP, how are you guys doing? I think the McLean School could also be a great fit for your DD and they could really work with her on the social stuff, it's a big part of their curriculum. They are very close to the Beltway, and they do have FA, I'd give a call and take a look before school is out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:45 again -- I just reread your post and I see that it is the teacher who thinks she has these other disorders. You really, really need to get a formal, global evaluation by a child psychiatrist or a developmental pediatrician. You just can't treat the problems until you know exactly what they are. Again, the CBT therapist may be engaging in a bit of mission creep here -- his or her role is solely to treat the anxiety and she just have the expertise to treat everything.

Yes, yes, yes! Agree totally with the formal, global eval rec. by child psychiatrist, neuropsych, neurologist or dev. ped. You may have to call around and describe symptoms and ask a lot of questions about what each type of doc would do for an eval before you decide who to use. IME, it is VERY common for therapists to comment on medication and diagnoses, which are areas which they are NOT qualified to engage in. This is a red flag for me in a relationship with a therapist.

I also so agree w/ this from personal experience!