How to support adopted sibling.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
She was adopted by an older couple, dad passed while she was in high school, and mother got dementia soon after. This was a private adoption so their were no/few age restrictions. She's now 20. I know, a grown adult.But being that she was their only living child and was beyond coddled in their care.
I think the stress* got to her and it led to her fleeing to West Virginia this week. I've been keeping in contact, and she seem confident there (landed a job, etc.) And I'm pretty anxious about this situation, she has NO MONEY (staying with friends). Because she's so coddled I'm afraid to set her up in an apartment like I have done with my other sibling, I pay most of the other siblings rent because she's enrolled in school. Family is telling me not to send money, so she goes back home. Because I was also in care I've already sent some independent living resources for her, but she was adopted as an infant so I'm unsure if she'd qualify. *She was the main caregiver the past couple of weeks, while her grandchildren looked for a bed that was available for her in memory care center. *She was red shirted so she graduated at the age of 19 turning 20, so she was in high school just last year. *I'm bio sibling, btw. |
Anonymous
|
Look into Job Corps.
|
Anonymous
We looked into Job Corps! But that was when were looking at her prior location and they didn't provide housing/were pretty far out. But she does have a job that pays pretty well for a young adult right now @ 15$/hr for West Virginia (I think? that's pretty well anyway). |
Anonymous
| I don't get your connection. Encourage her to go to community college or college and help pay for it. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like your anxiety may be more of the problem than what is actually happening with her? |
Anonymous
|
**Update**
I found out that my sister’s older niece told her she had to find somewhere to stay which prompted the emergency move. I think she may be trying to hold the house to sell afterwards. |
Anonymous
I’ve told her this she said no, she’s excited to work in a factory. I don’t know if I should be telling her to go back home, or help her become independent in WV. She’s entitled to live in the home she’s been raised in to get her feet under her? For a while she’s been the only person helping her mom before her older niece stepped in to put her in a nursing home. |
Anonymous
| Looks so it sounds like she has a job in West Virginia? Where is she living? Hopefully somewhere decent? Maybe she will get her feet on the ground in West Virginia and stay there. It’s a low cost of living. That’s fine. Do you have codependent tendencies? I’m not sure why you see the need to financially support her. She’s 20. She’s an adult. |
Anonymous
|
You are sibling, not parent.
When children are adopted they are placed in a better home. Even private adoptions require a home study. There is something off about your post |
Anonymous
|
Whose sibling is this? You said she’s an only child and don’t seem to know much, so not your sibling?
What does adoption have to do with any of it, if she’s now 20? Very confusing post, OP. |
Anonymous
Aha! I guess I didn’t read far enough/didn’t realize there was more info. That helps. I |
Anonymous
|
Ask her what she needs.
If money is an option, explain that you can only give so much or once, whatever. Help her think through the best ways to use it. She has been through a lot (being adopted out when you were kept),the loss of both adoptive parents, and she is very young. Mostly, make her feel like she still has family who loves her and will be there. Support her plan, even if you don't understand it, unless it is downright destructive. Perhaps she needs to prove that she can survive on her own right now. Keep ties open please. |
Anonymous
| I'm so confused. You are her bio sibling? She was adopted into a different family than the one you were raised in and her older adoptive parents died? Apparently you are much older and there is at least one other sibling. What were your ties to these older parents? Were they your parents? |
Anonymous
|
I think the best you can do is let her know you are there help and support her with x, y, z. Be specific about what level or types of help of support you are willing to give... Is it a couch if she needs it, a lawyer to help sort out the estate or any inheritance that is or should be hers, packing up or accessing her family home (if it should be legally hers), applying to colleges, just listening or a home work meal and laundry.
Sometimes knowing you have a door to knock on is all you need. |
Anonymous
A hole |