How to support adopted sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her what she needs.

If money is an option, explain that you can only give so much or once, whatever. Help her think through the best ways to use it.

She has been through a lot (being adopted out when you were kept),the loss of both adoptive parents, and she is very young. Mostly, make her feel like she still has family who loves her and will be there. Support her plan, even if you don't understand it, unless it is downright destructive.

Perhaps she needs to prove that she can survive on her own right now. Keep ties open please.

Being adopted out is for the baby's best interest. No need to feel sorry for anyone anyone for that

You are an idiot PP. babies are not puppies. Being “adopted out” is highly traumatic, especially being separated from Bio siblings in a foster situation. She was thrown into a home with elderly parents who she had to take care of and then was thrown out of the home by vulture relatives of those people.

She clearly doesn’t know her rights as their child. She’s rushing into marriage with an unstable friend after getting kicked out of her home after losing a parent with a long term illness.

OP, can you find out more about the house situation? Can you help her with legal help so this niece doesn’t lose out on what she may be entitled to, including a home? After all that caretaking she deserves something.

[Anonymous]

Please help your sister with legal assistance, OP. She is getting screwed by this niece. (It is her niece, legally, if she is the daughter of the son of her parents.). What a heartless vulture this woman is to kick out your sister after all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her what she needs.

If money is an option, explain that you can only give so much or once, whatever. Help her think through the best ways to use it.

She has been through a lot (being adopted out when you were kept),the loss of both adoptive parents, and she is very young. Mostly, make her feel like she still has family who loves her and will be there. Support her plan, even if you don't understand it, unless it is downright destructive.

Perhaps she needs to prove that she can survive on her own right now. Keep ties open please.

Being adopted out is for the baby's best interest. No need to feel sorry for anyone anyone for that

You are an idiot PP. babies are not puppies. Being “adopted out” is highly traumatic, especially being separated from Bio siblings in a foster situation. She was thrown into a home with elderly parents who she had to take care of and then was thrown out of the home by vulture relatives of those people.

She clearly doesn’t know her rights as their child. She’s rushing into marriage with an unstable friend after getting kicked out of her home after losing a parent with a long term illness.

OP, can you find out more about the house situation? Can you help her with legal help so this niece doesn’t lose out on what she may be entitled to, including a home? After all that caretaking she deserves something.

Bio kids also have elderly parents and sometimes become young carers. Adoption itself is not a reason for trauma. Adopted kids are planned and it is always done with the best interest of the child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her what she needs.

If money is an option, explain that you can only give so much or once, whatever. Help her think through the best ways to use it.

She has been through a lot (being adopted out when you were kept),the loss of both adoptive parents, and she is very young. Mostly, make her feel like she still has family who loves her and will be there. Support her plan, even if you don't understand it, unless it is downright destructive.

Perhaps she needs to prove that she can survive on her own right now. Keep ties open please.

Being adopted out is for the baby's best interest. No need to feel sorry for anyone anyone for that

You are an idiot PP. babies are not puppies. Being “adopted out” is highly traumatic, especially being separated from Bio siblings in a foster situation. She was thrown into a home with elderly parents who she had to take care of and then was thrown out of the home by vulture relatives of those people.

She clearly doesn’t know her rights as their child. She’s rushing into marriage with an unstable friend after getting kicked out of her home after losing a parent with a long term illness.

OP, can you find out more about the house situation? Can you help her with legal help so this niece doesn’t lose out on what she may be entitled to, including a home? After all that caretaking she deserves something.

Bio kids also have elderly parents and sometimes become young carers. Adoption itself is not a reason for trauma. Adopted kids are planned and it is always done with the best interest of the child

Oh, vomit. Adoption is not always (or even often) about the best interest of the child. This was a private adoption…not even most wildly profiteering adoption agencies will allow such elderly people to adopt. And no…bio families do not typically have 2 very old parents because mothers can’t give birth past menopause. Most adtopters do so for their own benefit…they WANT a child. In this case, the child has had a highly traumatic life and is feeling from huge losses. OP, any updates?

[Anonymous]

This situation is pretty much the reason we decided not to adopt. Too many risks for older parents and for the younger adoptive child.

Have you tried to invite your sister to come live with you? See if there is free legal help available to them?

It sounds like the older relatives know they can pull one over on her, since she is so young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask her what she needs.

If money is an option, explain that you can only give so much or once, whatever. Help her think through the best ways to use it.

She has been through a lot (being adopted out when you were kept),the loss of both adoptive parents, and she is very young. Mostly, make her feel like she still has family who loves her and will be there. Support her plan, even if you don't understand it, unless it is downright destructive.

Perhaps she needs to prove that she can survive on her own right now. Keep ties open please.

Being adopted out is for the baby's best interest. No need to feel sorry for anyone anyone for that

You are an idiot PP. babies are not puppies. Being “adopted out” is highly traumatic, especially being separated from Bio siblings in a foster situation. She was thrown into a home with elderly parents who she had to take care of and then was thrown out of the home by vulture relatives of those people.

She clearly doesn’t know her rights as their child. She’s rushing into marriage with an unstable friend after getting kicked out of her home after losing a parent with a long term illness.

OP, can you find out more about the house situation? Can you help her with legal help so this niece doesn’t lose out on what she may be entitled to, including a home? After all that caretaking she deserves something.

Bio kids also have elderly parents and sometimes become young carers. Adoption itself is not a reason for trauma. Adopted kids are planned and it is always done with the best interest of the child

Oh, vomit. Adoption is not always (or even often) about the best interest of the child. This was a private adoption…not even most wildly profiteering adoption agencies will allow such elderly people to adopt. And no…bio families do not typically have 2 very old parents because mothers can’t give birth past menopause. Most adtopters do so for their own benefit…they WANT a child. In this case, the child has had a highly traumatic life and is feeling from huge losses. OP, any updates?

They were nearing 60 when they got her as a newborn, the trauma was being adopted to be a caretaker! Adoptive mom weighed around 500 lbs at 60, I'm not trying to shame but us siblings were literally there to help her tie her shoes, fetch/cook her meals endlessly, iron her clothes, and give her diabetic shots/pills. We were there so the brunt of the work didn't fall on the sibling they actually wanted. Someone said something about a home study, I don't know what one needs to pass, but they sure need to change the criteria. We eventually had counseling and hired more outside help (my always had a nanny.)

But anyways, updates:

On the marriage, her and her partner are still trying to 'figure it out.' She started working Friday of last week so now I know she has at least some income coming in.

The niece that just got POA about a month ago, just found the person who her adoptive mother (ao) put in charge of her finances has took it to the cleaners. << Is their anything that can be done if she put them in charge, even though the later got dementia?

Like I said I'm just worried about her not living on the streets, so an inheritance is the least of my concerns, and she's gone through so much it's not even on her radar.

I know she needs a lawyer but I'm not even sure where to start (family law?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This situation is pretty much the reason we decided not to adopt. Too many risks for older parents and for the younger adoptive child.

Have you tried to invite your sister to come live with you? See if there is free legal help available to them?

It sounds like the older relatives know they can pull one over on her, since she is so young.

I've reminded her a lot before she moved, and then after. But I'll continue. She won't want to leave her partner who, needs her mother, and a stable environment right now (she just left a Psych hospital.)

I'll take a look, and talk to her more about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help your sister with legal assistance, OP. She is getting screwed by this niece. (It is her niece, legally, if she is the daughter of the son of her parents.). What a heartless vulture this woman is to kick out your sister after all that.

Yeah I'm not happy about it, I'm sure she wants to sell the house (she just tried doing something similar to her younger sibling, in the family home.)

He has 2 other children, so if she'd split it 4 vs 1, or if she even has the power to dot it is WAY over my head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post doesn't make sense. If she was legally adopted, she's the heir. Why is this nice making all these decisions?

Because she's 21, she wasn't mentally prepared to put someone in a nursing home, she just graduated high school last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post doesn't make sense. If she was legally adopted, she's the heir. Why is this nice making all these decisions?

Because she's 21, she wasn't mentally prepared to put someone in a nursing home, she just graduated high school last year.

20*

[Anonymous]

Please try to get her legal help OP. See what low cost lgral aid can help her with.

https://www.nlada.org/tools-and-technical-assistance/civil-legal-aid-resources/what-legal-aid