I understand this is a ridiculous first world problem to have, but

[Anonymous]

what would you choose for Memorial Day weekend? We have a 2.5yo, 3 month old, and 80lb dog. For context, I'm OP of "my baby is trying to break me" thread and just can't make decisions these days.

My family's cabin:
Pros:
-1 hour drive
-My family members are all incredibly helpful and spend quality time with my kids. I'd truly get a break and my mom and aunts would happily handle bringing all food and cooking, offer me naps, etc.
-My 87yo grandma would be over the moon to have a full weekend with my kids.
-My best friend's family's cabin is a block away and she and I could go for a long walk with our babies

Cons:
-MAJOR: no bedrooms for our kids. Toddler would sleep in pack-n-play in my mom's room and baby would be with DH and I in an alcove w/ no door and 3 walls directly off the family room
-No other kids for my toddler (but maybe this is a pro in covid times?)


My in law's cabin:
Pros:
-BIL and SIL will be there with the exact same age kids and large dog so everyone has a buddy to play with. They live 7 hours away and we only see them a handful of times per year. We haven't met each other's babies yet.
-Would be good for DH to see his brother as they are very close
-Our toddler would have a bedroom and baby's pack n play could go in a larger extra bathroom

Cons:
-No one will be helpful. As in, I'll be nursing the baby and juggling my toddler in the water while DH helps with outdoors chores and my MIL watches me struggle. I'll have to take on a night of cooking a full dinner for 10 people, have to bring all my kid's food, they won't tailor meal times to be appropriate for young families (i.e. dinner at 8:30pm but the kids go to bed at 7:30pm) etc.
-3 hour drive
-DH and I would be sleeping on the living room sleeper sofa and people would be up drinking and playing games very late

I couldn't decide if this is a pro or con, but my family is genuinely more relaxed. They'd be gardening, doing puzzles, building sand castles, going on nature walks/bike rides, having a bonfire. My in-laws are much more party hardy on holiday weekends- drinks start with lunch, boating to the popular areas of the lake, late night card gambling, sleeping in.

[Anonymous]

Oh your family 100%

[Anonymous]

I'd go to your families cabin. Bedrooms are overrated.

[Anonymous]

You can try to adjust for the lack of bedroom with a white noise machine, crib tent over the pack n play (or just a folding room separator) and melatonin for the toddler. But helpful family is priceless!!!

[Anonymous]

Your family. Without a doubt. I didn't read the other thread, but it sounds like you need a break. The second trip doesn't sounds like a break at all.

[Anonymous]

Omg your family. No contest. You have a 3 month old, you need help!

[Anonymous]

Your family. And people who help win hands down with kids that age. Zero contest as you are still in survival mode.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, your problem is one of the most normal problems on dcum! And legit too!
I think you will be exhausted from both, tbh.
However, is your family into talks, and would this be an opportunity for you to get some nice conversations with your mom and family that might let your feel like you had some nice talks?
I find such talks helpful for my emotional well-being, and I enjoy them a lot.
That would be more important to me than watching the kids.
Any change to send DH to his family with the toddler? And you and the baby go to your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, your problem is one of the most normal problems on dcum! And legit too!
I think you will be exhausted from both, tbh.
However, is your family into talks, and would this be an opportunity for you to get some nice conversations with your mom and family that might let your feel like you had some nice talks?
I find such talks helpful for my emotional well-being, and I enjoy them a lot.
That would be more important to me than watching the kids.
Any change to send DH to his family with the toddler? And you and the baby go to your family?

Interesting. I hadn't thought of splitting up, but that could definitely be an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Any change to send DH to his family with the toddler? And you and the baby go to your family?

I’d definitely try to pull off this plan if it were me!

[Anonymous]

I don't have a child so please take this with a grain of salt. Your family 100%. The physical support will be super helpful, but you might find (I have found) unexpected "release" when I got to my loved ones after this year. And you will snap when you are in the thick of it and someone who is 2 or 3 in tells you to relax or let something go at your in laws. PLEASE go to your cabin. Be a "good" daughter in law on the fourth or Labor Day.

[Anonymous]

Okay. There’s no way in hell I would go to the inlaws cabin. When you have a you g baby you NEED rest and sleep.

Now you need to decide if it’s worth it to go to your family’s cabin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, your problem is one of the most normal problems on dcum! And legit too!
I think you will be exhausted from both, tbh.
However, is your family into talks, and would this be an opportunity for you to get some nice conversations with your mom and family that might let your feel like you had some nice talks?
I find such talks helpful for my emotional well-being, and I enjoy them a lot.
That would be more important to me than watching the kids.
Any change to send DH to his family with the toddler? And you and the baby go to your family?

Interesting. I hadn't thought of splitting up, but that could definitely be an option.

Chance! Not change. If dh is up for it, why not? You will be more rested maybe with just one kid and your family there?
Let us know what you decide. And have a nice time!

[Anonymous]

Your family.

S/o- why are in laws always so unhelpful? It is the same with my in laws. Do they just not feel comfortable/obligated because it’s not their daughter that’s the mom that’s struggling?

[Anonymous]

Your family’s cabin op. No question. Right now you need to prioritize support for yourself 100%. Another year when cousins are older that will be fun to do in laws