Feeling down

[Anonymous]

My U12 son has been working really hard, and putting in tons of time outside of practice, but it just doesn't seem that he has what it takes. He's improved a bit, but the problem is, although he is in good shape and has good technical skills, he just doesn't have the right aggression level. He's too nice and doesn't like to get physical with opponets at all (if it can be avoided, if it is unavoidable he will take contact, push off etc.). I know it isn't the end of the world, I just feel bad for him because this is important to him and he has put so much time in. I'm also down because he has a non-soccer or physical fitness related disability that we recently learned is getting worse, and he is going to have to start wearing an adaptive device at school, which he does not want to do. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here - I'd like to cheer him up, but I don't know what to suggest except to focus on having fun with his friends from his current low-level travel soccer team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My U12 son has been working really hard, and putting in tons of time outside of practice, but it just doesn't seem that he has what it takes. He's improved a bit, but the problem is, although he is in good shape and has good technical skills, he just doesn't have the right aggression level. He's too nice and doesn't like to get physical with opponets at all (if it can be avoided, if it is unavoidable he will take contact, push off etc.). I know it isn't the end of the world, I just feel bad for him because this is important to him and he has put so much time in. I'm also down because he has a non-soccer or physical fitness related disability that we recently learned is getting worse, and he is going to have to start wearing an adaptive device at school, which he does not want to do. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here - I'd like to cheer him up, but I don't know what to suggest except to focus on having fun with his friends from his current low-level travel soccer team.

The coach should focus on the positives that your son brings to the team. Not everyone can be a high motor and aggressive player. He may bring something different to the team than the other kids. just let him keep playing.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry to hear you are feeling down

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear this -‘there is soccer for everyone. Hope he can find the right fit

[Anonymous]

Thank you - you all are right. He loves hanging out with his teammates, and he is getting exercise, so it is a net positive.

[Anonymous]

Remember none of these kids and I men none are the next Messi. Keep a positive attitude and keep encouraging him in whatever it is not just soccer but everything.

[Anonymous]

Loved reading these positive comments. We are in similar boat, watching our soccer loving DS move down the travel club ladder. Had to watch the hits to his confidence but trying to remind him that it’s about playing for the enjoyment.

[Anonymous]

Poor guy. That's tough. As a parent, I find we sometimes take it even harder than our kids do and it breaks my heart to see them down. Your kid sounds like he has a ton of grit. He will make it through and come out the other side more resilient and with empathy for others.

Watch the movie 'Rudy'. That makes me cry every time I watch it...even the 100th time. He had more heart than any of the others that were gifted the genetic football genes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor guy. That's tough. As a parent, I find we sometimes take it even harder than our kids do and it breaks my heart to see them down. Your kid sounds like he has a ton of grit. He will make it through and come out the other side more resilient and with empathy for others.

Watch the movie 'Rudy'. That makes me cry every time I watch it...even the 100th time. He had more heart than any of the others that were gifted the genetic football genes.

This is so, so true. Really, I know it's hard now but the attributes you describe that he has and will learn through this situation will take him SO FAR in life.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all, I really appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

OP... thank you for posting this. I have a U12 boy too. It has been a tough season, and I was feeling down for him today.

Team moved up and isn't getting any wins. He plays defense and has had a lot of goals scored on him.

But what I keep telling myself is that this is for our kids to learn how to play on a team. This is about teaching them to be a good team member when they get to the work force. This is about teaching them to overcome adversity and work hard. Your son is learning all of those and sounds like a great kid.

My kid isn't playing in college. I would love if he could play for his high school team, but that may not happen. Ultimately, he still loves going to practice, working hard, being with his teammates, and improving even if it isn't as much as other kids. After Covid, I am thankful that he is even playing and still interested in sports.

[Anonymous]

I have a kid like this, too, OP. He is on a very good but not great team and he wants to stay on it. He loves his team and he loves playing more than anyone on the team. In the younger years his skills, drive, and soccer smarts were enough to make him a strong player. Eventually he kind of hit a plateau and saw his playing time drop drastically.

When I talk to him about his role on the team or his future as a soccer player, I focus very heavily on his improvement relative to himself. It is in his power to get better, to hone skills, to become stronger, to become more phsyical, to get the absolute most he can out of his body. We have also focused on training in a smarter way. He had always worked hard on his own and done occasional private training but, earlier in the year, we had a long talk with the coach about the kind of extra work that would most benefit him, his specific areas of weakness and how to address them. It has made a real difference! I am not saying that he is now the fastest kid on the team or anything like that but he is really getting stronger relative to himself. And in the non-elite travel world, this kind of hard work will pay off in terms of playing time, too.

I agree with PP that these lessons are hugely important and valuable. Given that I don't think any of my kids (even the one who is effortlessly a top player on a top team) will become pros, I think the one who has struggled and is determined to improve is getting much more out of this experience.

[Anonymous]

OP, U12 absolutely sucks for an athletic players who isn't aggressive. There are too many players packed on too small a field. U13 will get better when things open up. The big kids who were 'good' players because they could push their way down the field will be sucking wind half the game

[Anonymous]

Are there certain activities such as karate (self defense) classes that can help him with fear of physical contact & aggression?

My daughter lack some aggression so I play with a little more physical with her this past year and it seems to help.

[Anonymous]

With aggression/lack of contact issues, I found that playing other sports really, really helped with that. For some reason my son wasn't aggressive in soccer. 50/50 balls were more like 90/10 balls to the other team. He didn't challenge for bouncing balls, punts, etc. Trapping the ball with his chest or heading the ball was not even considered. I found that basketball helped alot for some reason. We found him trying to rebound against others, scrapping for loose balls, etc. Flag football helped alot too. Just having to close down on kids and pull flags, run routes across the middle with kids flying around, defend passes, etc. But what probably helped (and continues to help) the most is getting stronger by lifting weights/body weight exercises. Lifting weights builds strength and confidence. Baby steps. What some people don't understand is that some kids have irrational fear and it's not like it's their choice to be non aggressive. You have to gradually expose them to it. My kid is so much better now but still has a way to go.