Feeling down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My U12 son has been working really hard, and putting in tons of time outside of practice, but it just doesn't seem that he has what it takes. He's improved a bit, but the problem is, although he is in good shape and has good technical skills, he just doesn't have the right aggression level. He's too nice and doesn't like to get physical with opponets at all (if it can be avoided, if it is unavoidable he will take contact, push off etc.). I know it isn't the end of the world, I just feel bad for him because this is important to him and he has put so much time in. I'm also down because he has a non-soccer or physical fitness related disability that we recently learned is getting worse, and he is going to have to start wearing an adaptive device at school, which he does not want to do. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here - I'd like to cheer him up, but I don't know what to suggest except to focus on having fun with his friends from his current low-level travel soccer team.

I’m sorry you all are struggling with this. My son also had problems with understanding how to use appropriate levels of aggression while still being naturally shy or reserved. One thing that helped was private training. His coach realized that ds had a solid technical foundation and needed to work on speed of play and the intangibles. Private coach put him against kids 2-4 years older and my ds hated it at first. He would literally cry before practice because he was so scared of them. I forced him to do it. While I don’t know if I’d recommend that to everyone, I knew my son’s live for the game would prevent him from quitting. Very slowly, but surely, he has developed into a “brave” player. I use brave because some kids are scared of being aggressive. Sometimes kids respond better to brave — kinda like a hero.

My son is still not the type of player that is looking to throttle or rip another kids head off on the field. But he’s very smart on how he uses his body and shields the ball. He probably won’t ever be like “Pepe” or “Materazzi “ or “Gatusso”. Never give up on your child and perhaps invest in a private trainer who is understanding. It makes a difference. Btw, my son plays for Virginia Tech

[Anonymous]

"Courage may be taught as a child is taught to speak." Euripides

[Anonymous]

sign him up for wrestling, he can match up against kids in a similar weight class

[Anonymous]

A suggestion: set a goal for him before the game that relates to what he needs to work on. For example, "Win 1 50/50 ball each half." Help him focus on that until it becomes routinely incorporated into his game.

U12 is a strange age. As was already mentioned, the kids are too big for the field. In any case, it's WAAAAAY too early to say whether any player has (or does not have) "what it takes."

[Anonymous]

OP here. We are so excited, my son just got an offer from a more competitive travel team than his current one! It's not a top team, but solidly in the middle. I am sure he was picked because someone else turned down the spot (it was days after we were supposed to hear), and we are not sure if he will actually want to make a change or stay where he is, but it is nice to see that his work has paid off to the degree that he got offered an opportunity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are so excited, my son just got an offer from a more competitive travel team than his current one! It's not a top team, but solidly in the middle. I am sure he was picked because someone else turned down the spot (it was days after we were supposed to hear), and we are not sure if he will actually want to make a change or stay where he is, but it is nice to see that his work has paid off to the degree that he got offered an opportunity!

Good for him! Either way, hopefully will help his confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are so excited, my son just got an offer from a more competitive travel team than his current one! It's not a top team, but solidly in the middle. I am sure he was picked because someone else turned down the spot (it was days after we were supposed to hear), and we are not sure if he will actually want to make a change or stay where he is, but it is nice to see that his work has paid off to the degree that he got offered an opportunity!

Change is hard but I would jump all over that opportunity. That's how my son got to top team, he's 16 now.

He's not going to improve much unless he starts playing with more competitive teammates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most important thing at this age is that they are enjoying the game, and bonus if there's some good character building as well, such as being a good teammate. If your son enjoys playing with his team and they are all good to each other, then that is the perfect situation for him. This board makes it hard to keep perspective because there is so much emphasis put on "top" teams, but reality is that half the kids who play are playing on teams in the bottom half of their club. That doesn't mean it's any less enjoyable or valuable for them than it is for the other half.

As for aggressiveness, I liked a comment I overheard this week during a game where my son's team got destroyed. One of the parents said, "They'd do better out there if they were more aggressive and threw their bodies around more. But the fact that they don't probably bodes well for their character later in life." That's not a judgment of players who are more aggressive, just a recognition that there's positive to find in all of it if you look.

+1 on all of this, especially re enjoying the game. I was a bit bemused to marry into a soccer family, but it has been so fun to see the kids embrace the game. We have learned that kids who are more marginal players have to get lucky to play at a very competitive level, but that’s not a big deal over the long term if they still like playing. Our DD is a decent athlete (but not fast) with excellent vision and good skills. Didn’t make her HS team, but has been a club soccer star in college—club or intramural sports in college are fantastic for community building. Our older son is a great athlete and player who plays for a very good D1 team but doesn’t have half the fun our DD does. Third kid is a good athlete who sounds a whole lot like OP’s kid at a slightly older age. While we would love to see hopim put it all together and become an impact player, we ultimately just want him to keep playing at a level that challenges him no matter what so he gets the benefit of the exercise, personal growth, and team bonding.

It is really hard to remain calm when your kid gets cut and his friends promoted, but it’s one of those opportunities to vow to be your best self. The kids move on more quickly, especially if you help them focus on other things that bring them pleasure.

Not op, but this is a great post. Hope op can follow this advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are so excited, my son just got an offer from a more competitive travel team than his current one! It's not a top team, but solidly in the middle. I am sure he was picked because someone else turned down the spot (it was days after we were supposed to hear), and we are not sure if he will actually want to make a change or stay where he is, but it is nice to see that his work has paid off to the degree that he got offered an opportunity!

I'm so happy for your son OP!

[Anonymous]

OP, my not very aggressive son became much more comfortable with being physical after he went through puberty. Not sure if it is testostorone or that he got a little bigger/heavier (still not tall, but now at 16 is about 5'9" when before he was one of the shortest players). When he was 12, 13, he was more of a finesse player, and I thought he would not be able to play in HS because he shied away from physical contact -- HS games are extremely physical at varsity level, and even JV -- but he has played for HS for 2 years now and is doing well. He is still a sweet kid but he pushes back on the playing field and holds his own. I'm glad your son got an offer for another team, and that should be good for his self esteem even if he doesn't take it, and I'm just saying things might change on the aggressiveness front so it might be premature to worry about this now.