finding your tribe - older moms

[Anonymous]

If you are an older mom of a young toddler (I am talking mid--late-40s, not mid-30s), were you able to find your group of friendly moms? How do you go about looking? We don't spend a ton of time in the park and when we do, ppl in the local park seem to still be distancing. Plus I am not a great outgoing conversationalist. I'd love to connect with some peers though. So where/how to look?

[Anonymous]

Preschool, daycare and then elementary school. I never found it outside the institutional options.

[Anonymous]

No idea. Ours is 6 and I’m 47. It’s not been easy connecting. The more time we spend at the playground the more we connect with others. So far no true friendships, but it’s pleasant enough in the moment. Also imagine once we’re all back in school full time there will be more opportunities to meet others. Accept all play date invites, you never know.

[Anonymous]

Hi there! My kids are older now, but this is what I did. I don’t think it mattered that I was in my mid 40’s. The moms I hit it off with we’re not necessarily my age, and it didn’t matter. 1. The local moms group, like, “Vienna Moms.” This is a thing, they set you up with a playgroup. 2. Preschool moms. 3. Moms at the elementary school bus stop (this is a big one). 4. Girl Scouts. Or Boy scouts. 5. Avoid the PTA Moms (parent teachers association=pain in ass). Those can be the cliquey moms, in my experience. Good luck! It takes time to find a few durable friends.

[Anonymous]

I'm not your age, but I'm open to being friends with anyone kind, funny and smart. I don't care about age.

Don't just dismiss people because of their age. All kinds of people can be interesting.

[Anonymous]

I had to be open to becoming friends with younger moms. I wound up meeting an amazing woman at a mommy and me class I took my baby to during maternity leave and we really hit it off. Now our kids are three and not only are we good friends, but through her I've met a whole group of neighborhood moms and have an actual network to tap into. I am so lucky to have met her.

But she's 35 (I'm 42). I didn't even realize it at first. I knew she was younger but I thought maybe just a couple years -- it's not always easy to figure out. By the time I knew, I didn't care. We'd bonded over our kids and other things in common, and in the end the age gap didn't matter that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not your age, but I'm open to being friends with anyone kind, funny and smart. I don't care about age.

Don't just dismiss people because of their age. All kinds of people can be interesting.

+1


I had my first at 23, and one of my favorite mom friends had her first in her mid 40s. We met through daycare.

I guess we were both outliers! In recent years, I’ve gotten to know another mom who had her child at 45 as a SMBC. She’s awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not your age, but I'm open to being friends with anyone kind, funny and smart. I don't care about age.

Don't just dismiss people because of their age. All kinds of people can be interesting.

+2 Don't think your problem is age related, this is a really common problem to find parent friends. Agree with PP that daycare/schools are the best route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not your age, but I'm open to being friends with anyone kind, funny and smart. I don't care about age.

Don't just dismiss people because of their age. All kinds of people can be interesting.

+2 Don't think your problem is age related, this is a really common problem to find parent friends. Agree with PP that daycare/schools are the best route.

+3
Fwiw, I'm horrible guessing people's ages so I have no clue if I'm chatting with a 30 yr old mom or a fellow 42 yr old mom on the soccer sidelines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not your age, but I'm open to being friends with anyone kind, funny and smart. I don't care about age.

Don't just dismiss people because of their age. All kinds of people can be interesting.

+1

Our friend group has moms from age 33-53 and we all get along fabulously. I honestly forget which ones are older and which ones are younger (I'm smack dab in the middle).

[Anonymous]

I think a range of different aged friends is great. I have much younger friends too. But I’d also like a contemporary. It can be more difficult as most women my age have older children and are in a different stage of life, it’s that way with current friends for sure. Especially those with kids in sports.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't discriminate or dismiss people based on age, but I am old enough to be a mom to someone who is 30 I just want to connect with those who are going through a similar life stage from my own generation. It's not the most typical life path that I am on timing wise, so I'd love to have peers in my circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Preschool, daycare and then elementary school. I never found it outside the institutional options.

This. You could also see if people want to join a playgroup for kids your child’s age. Post on nextdoor or Facebook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't discriminate or dismiss people based on age, but I am old enough to be a mom to someone who is 30 I just want to connect with those who are going through a similar life stage from my own generation. It's not the most typical life path that I am on timing wise, so I'd love to have peers in my circle.

+1
I'm struggling because there aren't a lot of families with young kids in my neighborhood. I'm hoping to connect with more mom friends once school reopens normally and I can get my sons into cub scouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't discriminate or dismiss people based on age, but I am old enough to be a mom to someone who is 30 I just want to connect with those who are going through a similar life stage from my own generation. It's not the most typical life path that I am on timing wise, so I'd love to have peers in my circle.

You admit it’s not common, which means there aren’t many people in your boat. So you probably can’t find people who live near you, are your age, and have a kid the same age as your kid.