finding your tribe - older moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Befriend younger moms. You don't want to get into some social group of old moms complaining about being old and ignored by the young moms. Young moms are fun. I was sort of in the middle. The young moms always wanted to go to the pool and the super old moms always wanted to drink while their nannies cooked for the kids. It was nice to have a mix.

Respectfully, I didn't ask for guidance who to be friends with. You seem to lack basic reading comprehension. You also have offensive generalizations about older people being complainers or feeling ignored. I had fun coming out of my eyeballs when I was in my early 30s. I am in a different season of life. I'd like to connect with people who are on a similar path to mine.

To all whom I offended by using the word tribe - apologies.

Respectfully, you sound like a real barrel of monkeys and I am sure you will find a ton of friends. We are about the same age, I think, and luckily my kids are a little older, so I won't run into you looking for cranky women in their mid-40s!

[Anonymous]

I had my second at 40. I'm 53 now. By my 40s, I simply did not have the patience for many other moms, much less mom groups. Too much backbiting, too much gossiping, too much unhappiness, too much willingness to sell out another mom's kids, too much of a tendency to talk badly about their own spouse and kids, too much comparison of each other's kids, too much bad energy. It's almost like if one of the women in the group was unhappy, then she worked double time to get the other women to feel unhappy in life, too.

Eh, no. By my 40s I didn't want any part of that stuff. Mature enough to sit by myself at the park with no problem. I had two moms in my neighborhood I would hang with at the playground, but otherwise I avoided these mom groups like the plague. Shudder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are an older mom of a young toddler (I am talking mid--late-40s, not mid-30s), were you able to find your group of friendly moms? How do you go about looking? We don't spend a ton of time in the park and when we do, ppl in the local park seem to still be distancing. Plus I am not a great outgoing conversationalist. I'd love to connect with some peers though. So where/how to look?

I never found real friends through my kids. I found them through my interests. Granted it is difficult when your kids are younger and especially Covid but, try to meet other people through an activity. There are times when you click with the mom but, your kid doesn't click with the kid. There are times when the kids click but, the moms don't, kids and moms both like each other ( rare) and the last is both mom and kids can't stand each other so you never get together!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg are any of you who are outraged actually from a tribal background? I am and I think the use of the word is appropriate-a group where you belong.

Haha I just came to post the same thing! Know what I find more offensive than using the word tribe? White people who decide it should be offensive on my behalf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg are any of you who are outraged actually from a tribal background? I am and I think the use of the word is appropriate-a group where you belong.

Haha I just came to post the same thing! Know what I find more offensive than using the word tribe? White people who decide it should be offensive on my behalf.

I don’t see outrage. Aren’t we supposed to help one another know better do better? She took the feedback. No one debated. Yeah, crusading is annoying but that’s how many of us learn, by redirection. I’d rather a nosy reminder that acknowledges a faux pas that could bother someone else. I’m glad the title didn’t offend anyone, but I’d it did- that was handled. Yes?

[Anonymous]

Typos ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my second at 40. I'm 53 now. By my 40s, I simply did not have the patience for many other moms, much less mom groups. Too much backbiting, too much gossiping, too much unhappiness, too much willingness to sell out another mom's kids, too much of a tendency to talk badly about their own spouse and kids, too much comparison of each other's kids, too much bad energy. It's almost like if one of the women in the group was unhappy, then she worked double time to get the other women to feel unhappy in life, too.

Eh, no. By my 40s I didn't want any part of that stuff. Mature enough to sit by myself at the park with no problem. I had two moms in my neighborhood I would hang with at the playground, but otherwise I avoided these mom groups like the plague. Shudder.

I had my first at 36 and went to some playgroup thing at LemonTree. I actually left before it was done. Life is short. Had my second at 40 but never attempted another mom group. (In college, I used to leave parties and bars by myself and go home to read if I wasn't having fun, so I'm no stranger of ditching boring or negative gatherings.)

Interestingly, I have found super reasonable normal moms at our local park, but we never exchange numbers, etc. My older kids is about to start first grade, we'll see how that goes...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Befriend younger moms. You don't want to get into some social group of old moms complaining about being old and ignored by the young moms. Young moms are fun. I was sort of in the middle. The young moms always wanted to go to the pool and the super old moms always wanted to drink while their nannies cooked for the kids. It was nice to have a mix.

Respectfully, I didn't ask for guidance who to be friends with. You seem to lack basic reading comprehension. You also have offensive generalizations about older people being complainers or feeling ignored. I had fun coming out of my eyeballs when I was in my early 30s. I am in a different season of life. I'd like to connect with people who are on a similar path to mine.

To all whom I offended by using the word tribe - apologies.

Respectfully, you sound like a real barrel of monkeys and I am sure you will find a ton of friends. We are about the same age, I think, and luckily my kids are a little older, so I won't run into you looking for cranky women in their mid-40s!

Doesn't seem like you meet OP's criteria anyway - you're safe.

[Anonymous]

I do meet OP’s criteria. The two newest friends I have made are 29 and low 30s. They are sweet young moms and my daughter adores them and so do I. I love their positive attitude and conversations. I actually like their positive energy. The 29yo has one kid and the other mom has 3.

The women my actual age are dealing with marital problems. I am a little sick of husband complaining right now. I don’t mind some venting but this has become the dominant conversation topic lately and it is a bit tiring. Several of my mid 40s friends got divorced or are separating. It has been nonstop DH slamming for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I didn’t mean to make it sound like I did not want to hang out with friends my own age. I absolutely do. It is nice to have some new friends with kids my toddler’s age. Was just saying you can find friendships with moms with kids the same age as yours even though the moms are not the same age. I am ~15 years older and it is totally fine.

[Anonymous]

I was almost 42 with my first. I made friends easily in my new mom group and through preschool. I'm pretty outgoing though and do look younger for my age. I think in this area you kind of have to "ask" out moms and also be open to being friends with those of different ages. Just keep trying until you find ones you click with. Like dating.

[Anonymous]

44 year old mom of a 4 year old here, I've met parents through preschool. At least one of the moms is older than me, and the others are probably late 30s/early 40s. I also have a couple friends from work who are around the same age as me with similarly aged children.

I feel like there's honestly not that much of a difference between me and a mom in her mid to late 30s, though, and I don't have too much of an idea of how old other parents are unless they mention some identifying thing or I see their birthday or college graduation on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi there! My kids are older now, but this is what I did. I don’t think it mattered that I was in my mid 40’s. The moms I hit it off with we’re not necessarily my age, and it didn’t matter. 1. The local moms group, like, “Vienna Moms.” This is a thing, they set you up with a playgroup. 2. Preschool moms. 3. Moms at the elementary school bus stop (this is a big one). 4. Girl Scouts. Or Boy scouts. 5. Avoid the PTA Moms (parent teachers association=pain in ass). Those can be the cliquey moms, in my experience. Good luck! It takes time to find a few durable friends.

I'm not a PTA mom but a few of my friends are and they're not a pain in the ass, they're nice, normal people. This weird generalization about PTA moms is super annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi there! My kids are older now, but this is what I did. I don’t think it mattered that I was in my mid 40’s. The moms I hit it off with we’re not necessarily my age, and it didn’t matter. 1. The local moms group, like, “Vienna Moms.” This is a thing, they set you up with a playgroup. 2. Preschool moms. 3. Moms at the elementary school bus stop (this is a big one). 4. Girl Scouts. Or Boy scouts. 5. Avoid the PTA Moms (parent teachers association=pain in ass). Those can be the cliquey moms, in my experience. Good luck! It takes time to find a few durable friends.

+1 Avoid PTA moms. A toxic nightmare. — signed, a former PTA mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my second at 40. I'm 53 now. By my 40s, I simply did not have the patience for many other moms, much less mom groups. Too much backbiting, too much gossiping, too much unhappiness, too much willingness to sell out another mom's kids, too much of a tendency to talk badly about their own spouse and kids, too much comparison of each other's kids, too much bad energy. It's almost like if one of the women in the group was unhappy, then she worked double time to get the other women to feel unhappy in life, too.

Eh, no. By my 40s I didn't want any part of that stuff. Mature enough to sit by myself at the park with no problem. I had two moms in my neighborhood I would hang with at the playground, but otherwise I avoided these mom groups like the plague. Shudder.

This.