Nothing for Mother's Day...again

[Anonymous]

So last year I got exactly nothing for Mother's Day. Not a card, nothing from the kids, nada. I was upset - I mean, can't you even have the kids make a card or something? and later on got the guilt flowers from the grocery store.

This year, husband is working in another city, so we're not together. My kids stepped up and gave me nice cards and a picture from each. I got a phone call from my husband, that's it.

I have never been huge on gifts for Valentine's, Mother's Day, even our anniversary. I was tying to just chill out about it but then my mom sent a text saying she hoped I got some beautiful flowers. Well, I didn't. And of course I have always been the one that has taken on all the responsibility for sending my 7 nieces and nephews gifts, flowers or gifts for my mother in-law for her birthday, anniversary, Mother's Day. IF I didn't, my husband wouldn't even think about it.

I'm not sure it's worth me even telling him anything. But it just feels like crap.

[Anonymous]

Already a thread

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/971992.page

[Anonymous]

You are not your husband's mother

Your kids honored you. That's the point of Mother's Day.

[Anonymous]

And hand over responsibility to your husband for sending gifts to his family. If you want, you can put dates on the calendar but it is up to him to do it. I dropped the rope on that several years ago and it is freeing. And it will help you resent your husband a little less.

[Anonymous]

Agree, compared to last year, your kids have shown improvement. Try to focus on that.

It is not on your husband to give you a nice Mother's Day (unless the kids are little and he is trying to teach them that for when they are older).

[Anonymous]

I posted in the other thread where you wrote the exact same thing. Your kids gave you cards. Your husband wished you well. Don’t be materialistic.

[Anonymous]

Also, why are YOU sending gifts to your MIL? Stop being a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Order yourself some flowers or something else you would like.

[Anonymous]

I’m about to go pour some tequila over a mango fruit pop and call it a day! End it on a high note OP!

[Anonymous]

You got cards from your kids. They recognized you on Mother’s Day. Your husband is not your son. Your kids are old enough to celebrate the day, and did so.

[Anonymous]

Stop with the taking care of the women in your husbands side of the family. It is perpetuating the dynamic where he does not need to show up because another adult is handling the stuff. Let it be what it is - that he does not send the women in his family this stuff. If you really look at this issue he likely has a mom who also handled all this stuff for him. If this is the case recognize you are continuing the dynamic. Full stop there.

In regards to you enjoying your Mother’s Day. That’s awesome your kids did something for you! Go out to a nice dinner or order all your fav foods for dinner! Treat yourself and have fun with your kids!! Also, maybe order yourself something nice you’ve been eyeing, or take yourself out to do all those spa treatments you know would help you feel great!

You can’t control your husband.
You don’t need to take in the labor of his absences, literal and metaphorical, ever.
And you deserve to love you and your kids up in this day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And hand over responsibility to your husband for sending gifts to his family. If you want, you can put dates on the calendar but it is up to him to do it. I dropped the rope on that several years ago and it is freeing. And it will help you resent your husband a little less.

Yeah, this is what I should probably do - I just worry that it doesn't get done. And everyone is right to say, oh well, natural consequences, but I actually like my MIL and don't want her to think we don't care. Maybe I'll tell him I'll send a card and everything else is on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not your husband's mother

Your kids honored you. That's the point of Mother's Day.

+1!!!!!

[Anonymous]

You got cards from your kids! How is that nothing Where is their money to get you a gift?
I am op of where to find blue crab today. DH and DD are in another country, DS is in college.
I am having a great day, and I drove and got what I wanted, for myself.
I don't understand your attitude. If this is a constant occurrence and you get no present, did you just say, oh, I am ok, or did you express a desire for a present?
If you just shrug it off, maybe they think you don't want a present? Maybe kids have no money?
Just say what you want, don't cry inside and rinse and repeat year in and year out.
Or go get it.

[Anonymous]

So, none of you get anything from your husband for Mother's Day? Seriously nothing?

Do you get nothing for your husband for Father's Day? I usually get a card and something small for my husband. And vice versa for me.