Is there a way to verify the identity of an online friend?

[Anonymous]

Our DD has started a friendship with a person she met online while gaming. We have always been VERY cautious about things like this but relaxed a bit during COVID because her other interactions were so limited. Is there any way to verify that this person is who he says he is (another teenager) rather than an old man? Are there safe, legal ways to test this? How would you approach it? (And please don't just say you wouldn't allow. While we would rather this hadn't happened, we are not naive enough to think that our outlawing this would automatically be the end of it. We'd like to find a way to get more comfortable with it, or confirm that this is a problem if he's not who he says he is.)

[Anonymous]

There's nothing inherently wrong with being friends with people of different ages. The most important thing to do is educate YOUR OWN children about being safe, not giving personal info (including their school's mascot or saying their school won the county championship, or that Mom is CFO of the most prominent real estate firm in town - things that can be looked up).

My son became friends with a 55 yr old woman online. Both her sons were grown and out of the house, she worked from home, and my son thought she was funny and smart. He's 11. He's not running away to her or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing inherently wrong with being friends with people of different ages. The most important thing to do is educate YOUR OWN children about being safe, not giving personal info (including their school's mascot or saying their school won the county championship, or that Mom is CFO of the most prominent real estate firm in town - things that can be looked up).

My son became friends with a 55 yr old woman online. Both her sons were grown and out of the house, she worked from home, and my son thought she was funny and smart. He's 11. He's not running away to her or anything.

In what context?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing inherently wrong with being friends with people of different ages. The most important thing to do is educate YOUR OWN children about being safe, not giving personal info (including their school's mascot or saying their school won the county championship, or that Mom is CFO of the most prominent real estate firm in town - things that can be looked up).

My son became friends with a 55 yr old woman online. Both her sons were grown and out of the house, she worked from home, and my son thought she was funny and smart. He's 11. He's not running away to her or anything.

Thats creepy and not friends.

[Anonymous]

This is a tricky one! Could you possibly ask for the parent’s contact information? And many kids that age have social media accounts; you could see if she has one and that might check out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing inherently wrong with being friends with people of different ages. The most important thing to do is educate YOUR OWN children about being safe, not giving personal info (including their school's mascot or saying their school won the county championship, or that Mom is CFO of the most prominent real estate firm in town - things that can be looked up).

My son became friends with a 55 yr old woman online. Both her sons were grown and out of the house, she worked from home, and my son thought she was funny and smart. He's 11. He's not running away to her or anything.

???????????????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a tricky one! Could you possibly ask for the parent’s contact information? And many kids that age have social media accounts; you could see if she has one and that might check out.

OP here. We thought about that, but we wouldn't want our DD to pass out our personal contact information, and I'm assuming this boy's parents might feel the same. We're trying to teach her not to share personal information, but I realize we'd like to know more personal information about him.

While there might not be anything automatically wrong with inter-age friendships, we don't want her befriending a middle age man who is trolling for teenage girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing inherently wrong with being friends with people of different ages. The most important thing to do is educate YOUR OWN children about being safe, not giving personal info (including their school's mascot or saying their school won the county championship, or that Mom is CFO of the most prominent real estate firm in town - things that can be looked up).

My son became friends with a 55 yr old woman online. Both her sons were grown and out of the house, she worked from home, and my son thought she was funny and smart. He's 11. He's not running away to her or anything.

In what context?

He posted on an online "help with homework" forum for writing an essay he needed to do. She's an editor .

[Anonymous]

Hmm...is she hearing his voice or able to see video of him? Or it's just messaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DD has started a friendship with a person she met online while gaming. We have always been VERY cautious about things like this but relaxed a bit during COVID because her other interactions were so limited. Is there any way to verify that this person is who he says he is (another teenager) rather than an old man? Are there safe, legal ways to test this? How would you approach it? (And please don't just say you wouldn't allow. While we would rather this hadn't happened, we are not naive enough to think that our outlawing this would automatically be the end of it. We'd like to find a way to get more comfortable with it, or confirm that this is a problem if he's not who he says he is.)

quickest way to confirm identity is a video chat. If they won't or put it off more than a couple times, you can bet they are not who they say they are.

MTV show Catfish - watch a couple episodes and you will see that video chat is the quickest way to determine if a person is real or not...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DD has started a friendship with a person she met online while gaming. We have always been VERY cautious about things like this but relaxed a bit during COVID because her other interactions were so limited. Is there any way to verify that this person is who he says he is (another teenager) rather than an old man? Are there safe, legal ways to test this? How would you approach it? (And please don't just say you wouldn't allow. While we would rather this hadn't happened, we are not naive enough to think that our outlawing this would automatically be the end of it. We'd like to find a way to get more comfortable with it, or confirm that this is a problem if he's not who he says he is.)

quickest way to confirm identity is a video chat. If they won't or put it off more than a couple times, you can bet they are not who they say they are.

MTV show Catfish - watch a couple episodes and you will see that video chat is the quickest way to determine if a person is real or not...

+1 They need to video chat. Have they FaceTimed, etc? If he refuses a video chat, there is a reason. If this were my daughter, I would insist on a video chat, and tell her that while you won't hang over her shoulder, you do want to do a "walk through" the room the first time she video chats with him, just to "see" and hear him for a minute the first time they talk. If he refuses video chat, I would forbid the contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our DD has started a friendship with a person she met online while gaming. We have always been VERY cautious about things like this but relaxed a bit during COVID because her other interactions were so limited. Is there any way to verify that this person is who he says he is (another teenager) rather than an old man? Are there safe, legal ways to test this? How would you approach it? (And please don't just say you wouldn't allow. While we would rather this hadn't happened, we are not naive enough to think that our outlawing this would automatically be the end of it. We'd like to find a way to get more comfortable with it, or confirm that this is a problem if he's not who he says he is.)

quickest way to confirm identity is a video chat. If they won't or put it off more than a couple times, you can bet they are not who they say they are.

MTV show Catfish - watch a couple episodes and you will see that video chat is the quickest way to determine if a person is real or not...

+1 They need to video chat. Have they FaceTimed, etc? If he refuses a video chat, there is a reason. If this were my daughter, I would insist on a video chat, and tell her that while you won't hang over her shoulder, you do want to do a "walk through" the room the first time she video chats with him, just to "see" and hear him for a minute the first time they talk. If he refuses video chat, I would forbid the contact.

Agree with this.

My kid befriend a friend of a friend and I had similar concerns, but they video chat and I've seen the kid and can overhear their conversations from time to time. If you don't want to reveal her identity in any way or give out a number, just get her a non-identifying icloud account.

[Anonymous]

NP. Crazy timing as I just found out DD (15) has an online friend. They talk to each other as they play Minecraft Bedwars.

I’m ticked because I thought it was a school friend, and she didn’t tell me otherwise. I saw Discord notifications on the family desktop today about playing tonight. I peaked as I didn’t recognize the name.

So after some digging this evening (as I hear them playing), this person seems to be a young adult woman. Her business Twitter account is 2 years old and she has far more followers than people she follows. She is also a Cisco Champion. DD is very interested in gaming/streaming.

Also, DD is lonely, wants more friends, had a lot of challenges, and the family therapist wants me to let her have input where possible.

I am trying to be fair about this. I just don’t see where a young adult with good boundaries wants to play Minecraft with a high school freshman.

Any suggestions for this horrible conversation I’ll need to have? Without making it sound like I don’t believe people would just want to be friends with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Crazy timing as I just found out DD (15) has an online friend. They talk to each other as they play Minecraft Bedwars.

I’m ticked because I thought it was a school friend, and she didn’t tell me otherwise. I saw Discord notifications on the family desktop today about playing tonight. I peaked as I didn’t recognize the name.

So after some digging this evening (as I hear them playing), this person seems to be a young adult woman. Her business Twitter account is 2 years old and she has far more followers than people she follows. She is also a Cisco Champion. DD is very interested in gaming/streaming.

Also, DD is lonely, wants more friends, had a lot of challenges, and the family therapist wants me to let her have input where possible.

I am trying to be fair about this. I just don’t see where a young adult with good boundaries wants to play Minecraft with a high school freshman.

Any suggestions for this horrible conversation I’ll need to have? Without making it sound like I don’t believe people would just want to be friends with her?

As a parent I get the concern. But gamers don’t actually care about the age of the person playing. It’s more about the skill level, competition, and where applicable finding and training with others for teams.

With regards to the conversation, I think you merely explain that you support DD’s interest in gaming/streaming and understand both the desire and need to connect with others who share the same interest and play similar games. However, given potential problems in cyber society you would prefer she keep the online friends to persons in her age range. And additionally reiterate cyber safety practices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing inherently wrong with being friends with people of different ages. The most important thing to do is educate YOUR OWN children about being safe, not giving personal info (including their school's mascot or saying their school won the county championship, or that Mom is CFO of the most prominent real estate firm in town - things that can be looked up).

My son became friends with a 55 yr old woman online. Both her sons were grown and out of the house, she worked from home, and my son thought she was funny and smart. He's 11. He's not running away to her or anything.

In what context?

He posted on an online "help with homework" forum for writing an essay he needed to do. She's an editor .

To state the obvious....this works because the genders aren’t reversed.