Attend birthday party where your child doesn’t enjoy the planned activity

[Anonymous]

Such as a pool party for child who doesn’t like to swim, zip lining for child afraid of heights, soccer party for child who doesn’t like or good at sports.

My child got invited to a party where child does not like the activity.

Decline or go and not participate?

[Anonymous]

Depends. How close of a friend is it? If it's her/ his bestie, I would have child go and talk to the parents ahead of time - figure out a way to let them sit out the activity. If it's just someone in the class who they are not particularly close to, I would skip it rather than make a scene over the idea of my kid not wanting to participate.

[Anonymous]

If not their best friend, why bother? Send regrets, or have them get a gift and a card and drop it by some other time if they are closer.

[Anonymous]

Depending on age, go. When they see everyone else enjoying the activity they might want to give it a shot.

[Anonymous]

Decline.

[Anonymous]

I would either decline or ask the hosting parents what the schedule of events was to see if it would be possible for my kid to attend for the cake/presents portion. Especially if it was a good friend. Often parties are arranged do the kids do the class/activity first and then move to another location to eat, and it’s easy to just attend part.

But if it’s just a classmate and your kid isn’t upset about missing out, decline is always a solid option.

[Anonymous]

What does your child want to do.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a good friend who would be disappointed by your child’s absence, I would use it as a teaching opportunity and try to get my kid to participate. We sometimes have to do activities that we don’t enjoy to make our friends happy. (Only example that you gave where I wouldn’t is heights/a dislike that’s genuinely fear based. Not helpful to work through that in public for most kids.

[Anonymous]

Decline unless it’s the best friend

[Anonymous]

Decline.

[Anonymous]

Decline. No one wants a pouter to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s a good friend who would be disappointed by your child’s absence, I would use it as a teaching opportunity and try to get my kid to participate. We sometimes have to do activities that we don’t enjoy to make our friends happy. (Only example that you gave where I wouldn’t is heights/a dislike that’s genuinely fear based. Not helpful to work through that in public for most kids.

This is a good point and I do think you need to talk to your kid about specifically why they don't like the activity. For instance, it might seem obvious that a kid who is afraid of heights shouldn't be forced to go zip lining. But the swim party example is a good example of why you have to explore more. If my kid was just like "I think swimming is boring" I would encourage him to go and say if he doesn't want to swim he could sit on the side (he will probably realize this is much more boring and just go swim). But maybe the issue is feeling self-conscious about being in a swimsuit. Something like that can take you by surprise when kids start puberty and all of a sudden develop these issues even if they've never been self-conscious before.

That's why I think you need to be cautious about forcing a kid to do something they are resistant to, and start from the perspective of "You can do what you want but is there a way to make this more appealing to you?" Because you might learn a bit more about what is going on with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such as a pool party for child who doesn’t like to swim, zip lining for child afraid of heights, soccer party for child who doesn’t like or good at sports.

My child got invited to a party where child does not like the activity.

Decline or go and not participate?

How old? We sometimes reject an activity if I know the kid won't like it ( like laser tag for example too scary) but, otherwise we try it at least once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:start from the perspective of "You can do what you want but is there a way to make this more appealing to you?" Because you might learn a bit more about what is going on with your kid.

I think this is a good point. It would be very unusual for one of my kids to turn down a birthday party. It's literally never happened. So I'd want to know more about why. Not to decide whether to force them (I wouldn't), but to understand what else might be going on.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those parenting things that feels a lot more important in the moment than it actually is. I’d let your kid decide. It really doesn’t matter in the long run, so there is no wrong answer.