Attend birthday party where your child doesn’t enjoy the planned activity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends. How close of a friend is it? If it's her/ his bestie, I would have child go and talk to the parents ahead of time - figure out a way to let them sit out the activity. If it's just someone in the class who they are not particularly close to, I would skip it rather than make a scene over the idea of my kid not wanting to participate.

It is a close friend and only a small group of friends is invited. My child wants to go to the birthday party but scared of the activity. This is an activity that we have done previously as a family and child hated and was scared.

[Anonymous]

The only ones we decline are trampoline places. I absolutely do not let my kids do them.

[Anonymous]

Decline and set up a separate time for the kids to do something together. Just be sure to explain why!

[Anonymous]

Depends on the age of the child and the relationship of the friend. My overly social tween would go anyway and sit out of the activity. Lucky - people don't really do birthday parties anymore after a certain age.

[Anonymous]

Based on the additional info given I would decline and say why. I would set something up for just the two of them though as it’s a close friend.

[Anonymous]

Poor snowflake!

[Anonymous]

The party is not about you or your child, You go and your child may decide to participate, or you go and your child sits on the sidelines.


You decline and send a gift anyway,

You do not inconvenience the parents by demanding a separated playdate or coming later

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on whether or not it’s drop off. If the kid is young and you’re going to be there, go and let the kid hover with you and watch the other kids. If the kid is older and would be dropped off, don’t force them into that awkward situation or force the hosts to deal with a scared kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on whether or not it’s drop off. If the kid is young and you’re going to be there, go and let the kid hover with you and watch the other kids. If the kid is older and would be dropped off, don’t force them into that awkward situation or force the hosts to deal with a scared kid.

If kid is mature enough to be dropped off without a parent the smae child should be expected sit out politely while said activity is going on ,or stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Decline and set up a separate time for the kids to do something together. Just be sure to explain why!

No, your kid doesn't get a separate activity doing what they want because he/she didn't like the birthday kid activity. Unbelievable! Your kid can stay home and maybe send a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor snowflake!

I really hate this term but I can only imagine the narcissistic terrors this generation o kids will be as adults. Sorry friend I don't like your wedding venue can we do a second wedding later, someplace I'm more comfortable?



S

[Anonymous]

In general, this would be a good time to teach some of the finer points of being a good guest:

1) You can decline with thanks.

2) You can go and pretend to have a good time, figuring out how to find enjoyable moments in a setup that’s not of your choosing.

What you can’t do is try to turn this into an ordinary meetup, where all parties have a say in the planning/destination/menu. This will help prevent them from being the future dinner party guest who confuses their host with a waiter.

Given that your kid is genuinely scared of the planned activity, I’d go with option 1. Given that these are kids, you can add an explanation: “Thanks so much for the invite to Perpetua’s party. Right now, Larla is going through a phase where she’s scared of rollercoasters/pony rides/clowns, so it’s better if we stay home. But we’ll be thinking of you all on the 15th!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In general, this would be a good time to teach some of the finer points of being a good guest:

1) You can decline with thanks.

2) You can go and pretend to have a good time, figuring out how to find enjoyable moments in a setup that’s not of your choosing.

What you can’t do is try to turn this into an ordinary meetup, where all parties have a say in the planning/destination/menu. This will help prevent them from being the future dinner party guest who confuses their host with a waiter.

Given that your kid is genuinely scared of the planned activity, I’d go with option 1. Given that these are kids, you can add an explanation: “Thanks so much for the invite to Perpetua’s party. Right now, Larla is going through a phase where she’s scared of rollercoasters/pony rides/clowns, so it’s better if we stay home. But we’ll be thinking of you all on the 15th!”

I would not phrase it that way, because it could make the host feel awkward or bad for choosing this activity. Maybe the birthday child loves horses, should they not have a horse riding party because your kid is frightened? Better to just say we can’t attend, no explanation is needed. If they push for why, stick to Larla isn’t able to attend.

My child has food allergies and we once declined a birthday cooking party. I decided it wasn’t worth trying to figure out a way to participate safely without inconvenience to everyone, and I’m sure the mom didn’t mean for it to be a challenge for us, and would have felt bad if I’d explained why we couldn’t make it. So I just declined. Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Just decline. Easier and cleaner that way.

[Anonymous]

Just accept and tell the host that your kid will probably sit out of the activity. We had this happen once years ago, the little girl actually ended up conquering her fear and participating (it was Climb Zone).

I agree with the others that asking for a separate play date is a no go. Accept or decline (and explain), but do not ask for special treatment.