My son keeps getting fouled by his friend

[Anonymous]

Wise people of this forum, what would you do?

My son is 10. His friend on the same team fouls my son almost every time they go against each other. Hard fouls, often slide tackles or tackles from behind. He also fouls other kids, but my son is hit most often. I don't think this kid is being purposefully mean, he is just very aggressive on defense but lacks control of his body, so he fouls. But my son gets hit often and could get hurt. The coach often intervenes and tells this kid to take it easy and avoid fouling, but he is back at it soon after. What would you do?

1. Tell my son to suck it up and keep playing. I think this is the right approach for a one-time missed called or foul, but I don't think that my son should just accept a repeated pattern of fouling from this (or any) kid.
2. Talk to his parents. This is probably the mature thing to do. Would you be receptive if somebody said this about your kid?
3. Teach my son to foul him back... there is this very effective strategy in game theory called tit for tat. Basically you start being nice to everybody but you mimic the way they treat you: if someone is mean to you, you retaliate. I don't want to encourage my son to foul his friend, but I remember when I was a kid this was a very effective strategy to stop someone from fouling me on the pitch.

We like the team a lot, so we will not consider switching teams because of this. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Start fouling him back. And other kids should start fouling him back also.

[Anonymous]

You sound kind of crazy. No, you should not do any of those things, particularly step 2 or 3. Why don't you just bring it up to the coach? Or have your son speak to his friend himself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound kind of crazy. No, you should not do any of those things, particularly step 2 or 3. Why don't you just bring it up to the coach? Or have your son speak to his friend himself?

+1 All of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start fouling him back. And other kids should start fouling him back also.

Completely agree. Teach him to push back and stand up for himself. Let the coach dial it all back.

Under no circumstances would I talk to the parents.

[Anonymous]

talk to the coach or it wont be long before your son is in surgery.

[Anonymous]

Agree that the coach needs to manage this. It is unsafe to have kids repeatedly intentionally fouling each other during practice. It also isn't good practice for your son's friend to be using moves that will result in fouls during games.

[Anonymous]

#3.

His parents are not going to be receptive in the slightest. In fact, they will automatically get defensive (even if the kid does foul a lot) and tell you to buck up and stop whining.

Just teach your kid to take a hit and learn to slide tackle.

[Anonymous]

I’d tell my son to use his words. “Larlo you’re fouling me too much/playing too tough when you’re against me. It’s really bothering me/making me mad. Stop it.” And repeat as necessary.

[Anonymous]

#3. at 10 defense is fouling

[Anonymous]

#3

[Anonymous]

We had this exact same scenario. This one kid would foul the crap out of other kids constantly at practice. He had skill, but little body control. His parents would leave a game at halftime if they thought he wasn't getting enough playing time if that tells you anything. Needless to say he didn't last long. He ended up going to a rival club and they booted him too. Haven't seen him since.

[Anonymous]

Talk to the coach -- he's probably not as aware of how persistent this problem is as you are.

Once, I saw my U9 son warming up with a teammate at practice or before a game, and the other kid was being way too rough. So I just went up to the boys and told them to settle down and stop the fouling. Seemed to do the trick. It wasn't malicious in this case, either, but I didn't want to see my kid get hurt.

But if you're seeing a consistent pattern, it's probably something you're going to need the coach's help with.

[Anonymous]

Who the hell slides tackle a teammate in practice at age 10? Total bush league. Sounds like kid wasn't taught how to play proper defense - move your friggin' feet.

I'd tell my DS to curb stomp the kid with his cleat if they kept pulling that crap.

[Anonymous]

I would tell your kid to say, “What the heck man, this is a practice and we are on the same team, save it for a game”.

As someone who played soccer all my life, including some very tough men’s leagues in England, I can tell you that if someone keeps sliding in on you, accidentally standing on the inside of their ankle with a bit of force usually ensures they don’t do it again any time soon. But your kid should definitely not do that.

😀