popular opinion please: dd's friends mom putting gel nails on dd

[Anonymous]

DD just turned 14. Awhile ago I said no to gel nails because I don't think they're good for you, dd already has nail issues, it's expensive and I don't think she will be able to handle the grow out stage (look wise but also if they get pulled off accidentally). Plus I just don't think kids need gel nails and don't want to support all that.

DD went to sleepover at new friends house, and texted me a picture at 11pm that friends mom did their gel nails. DD is very happy about this so I reacted accordingly but really my true reaction is who puts gel nails on someone else's kid without double checking that it's okay? I was already skeptical about the mom's parenting choices just from getting to know the daughter and imo this goes into the territory of something that should be verified first.

Your thoughts?

Not much to do about it now, but curious, would you care about this? Clearly I will talk with dd about boundaries and rules especially when at this friends, just haven't come across this before. Other moms usually ask about stuff like this first. Minor but yet it matters to me at the same time.

[Anonymous]

I would have reacted like you. A friend painted DD's nails when she was little, without asking me first, and even though I didn't say anything, I wasn't happy about it.

Just reiterate to your child that once is fine, but this isn't going to be a regular thing.

[Anonymous]

This is totally your daughter's fault. I'd be angry with her, not the mom. 14 is old enough to know that you already said no so she has to check with you first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is totally your daughter's fault. I'd be angry with her, not the mom. 14 is old enough to know that you already said no so she has to check with you first.

I think doing nails at a sleepover isn’t something a mom should ask a teen’s parent for permission. She’s 14! Come on! Your daughter knew you didn’t want her to get gel nails and did it anyways. You need to talk to your daughter NOT the other mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is totally your daughter's fault. I'd be angry with her, not the mom. 14 is old enough to know that you already said no so she has to check with you first.

+1

I agree with this on principle - you said no to something, your daughter did it anyway. This is between you and her, the other mom, to me, is not relevant.

My only quibble - if this was primarily presented to daughter as a cost issue ("I'm not paying for that") then it's different. My parents wouldn't buy me tons of stuff, and if I figured out how to get it on my own, that was totally cool. And for me personally, as a parent, that would be my rationale here (since the other stuff falls under what I would consider natural consequences, and I would just let my 14 year old deal), as I'm not aware of the health risks of gel nails.

If you made it clear that this was not allowed for health reasons, THEN yeah your daughter should be in trouble, and I'm not sure why you reacted positively.

[Anonymous]

At 7, I would be peeved at the other mom. At 14, totally on your kid.

[Anonymous]

I think that there is a diff in getting your nails done at a salon for $$$$$ and having a friends mom do them. So I wouldn't be mad at your daughter.

And this is small stuff. Not worth being upset over. She didn't pierce your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that there is a diff in getting your nails done at a salon for $$$$$ and having a friends mom do them. So I wouldn't be mad at your daughter.

And this is small stuff. Not worth being upset over. She didn't pierce your kid.

This. I would've asked first but this is not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

She's 14, not 4. You have to be kidding me.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It is possible that dd mostly just remembered it being a money issue. Either way I will talk to her.

I don't know why I reacted positively either other than it was late and caught me off guard and dd was really happy.

I would've verified it's okay. Just was curious if others would care. There is part of me that is disappointed, with dd neglecting to double check - she should've known, but the other mom too.

[Anonymous]

I would not see gel nails as different from paint nails - they aren’t acrylics! I don’t think the mom should have known to ask at this age.

Has anyone ever had a girl sleepover without painting nails?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 14, not 4. You have to be kidding me.

I hate gel nails, but I can't imagine caring if someone did it for free ONE TIME on my daughter at the age of 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is totally your daughter's fault. I'd be angry with her, not the mom. 14 is old enough to know that you already said no so she has to check with you first.

I think doing nails at a sleepover isn’t something a mom should ask a teen’s parent for permission. She’s 14! Come on! Your daughter knew you didn’t want her to get gel nails and did it anyways. You need to talk to your daughter NOT the other mom.

+1 I don't like gel nails either but this isn't questionable parenting by the other mom, it's your daughter doing the opposite of what you told her to do and rubbing it in your face by sending you a picture of it.

[Anonymous]

Gel isn’t that big of a deal once and a while imo. It’s not like she got acrylics or something.

[Anonymous]

14 is in high school.

Starting in March 2021, nail salons opened, I permitted my HS freshman (just turned 15) to get gel nails. It's a pandemic. She didn't leave the house other than doctor's appointments for 12 months.

I'm totally okay with high schoolers having nails if they take care of them.

This is not on the friend or her mom.