popular opinion please: dd's friends mom putting gel nails on dd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 14. Awhile ago I said no to gel nails because I don't think they're good for you, dd already has nail issues, it's expensive and I don't think she will be able to handle the grow out stage (look wise but also if they get pulled off accidentally). Plus I just don't think kids need gel nails and don't want to support all that.

DD went to sleepover at new friends house, and texted me a picture at 11pm that friends mom did their gel nails. DD is very happy about this so I reacted accordingly but really my true reaction is who puts gel nails on someone else's kid without double checking that it's okay? I was already skeptical about the mom's parenting choices just from getting to know the daughter and imo this goes into the territory of something that should be verified first.

Your thoughts?

Not much to do about it now, but curious, would you care about this? Clearly I will talk with dd about boundaries and rules especially when at this friends, just haven't come across this before. Other moms usually ask about stuff like this first. Minor but yet it matters to me at the same time.

I find your reaction so odd.

I would have been fine with it at any age. If another mom wants to put in the time and effort to paint my kids nails or put on some fake nails that will last a few days, good for her. I am not doing it. Fake nails and polish can be removed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 14. Awhile ago I said no to gel nails because I don't think they're good for you, dd already has nail issues, it's expensive and I don't think she will be able to handle the grow out stage (look wise but also if they get pulled off accidentally). Plus I just don't think kids need gel nails and don't want to support all that.

DD went to sleepover at new friends house, and texted me a picture at 11pm that friends mom did their gel nails. DD is very happy about this so I reacted accordingly but really my true reaction is who puts gel nails on someone else's kid without double checking that it's okay? I was already skeptical about the mom's parenting choices just from getting to know the daughter and imo this goes into the territory of something that should be verified first.

Your thoughts?

Not much to do about it now, but curious, would you care about this? Clearly I will talk with dd about boundaries and rules especially when at this friends, just haven't come across this before. Other moms usually ask about stuff like this first. Minor but yet it matters to me at the same time.

Not a big deal at all and don't make a mountain out of a molehill. It's not like it's a piercing or a tattoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 14. Awhile ago I said no to gel nails because I don't think they're good for you, dd already has nail issues, it's expensive and I don't think she will be able to handle the grow out stage (look wise but also if they get pulled off accidentally). Plus I just don't think kids need gel nails and don't want to support all that.

DD went to sleepover at new friends house, and texted me a picture at 11pm that friends mom did their gel nails. DD is very happy about this so I reacted accordingly but really my true reaction is who puts gel nails on someone else's kid without double checking that it's okay? I was already skeptical about the mom's parenting choices just from getting to know the daughter and imo this goes into the territory of something that should be verified first.

Your thoughts?

Not much to do about it now, but curious, would you care about this? Clearly I will talk with dd about boundaries and rules especially when at this friends, just haven't come across this before. Other moms usually ask about stuff like this first. Minor but yet it matters to me at the same time.

I find your reaction so odd.

I would have been fine with it at any age. If another mom wants to put in the time and effort to paint my kids nails or put on some fake nails that will last a few days, good for her. I am not doing it. Fake nails and polish can be removed.

+1. If the fake nails damage her nail, that is a natural consequence of her actions (and it's not something permanent that will damage her overall health).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is totally your daughter's fault. I'd be angry with her, not the mom. 14 is old enough to know that you already said no so she has to check with you first.

I think doing nails at a sleepover isn’t something a mom should ask a teen’s parent for permission. She’s 14! Come on! Your daughter knew you didn’t want her to get gel nails and did it anyways. You need to talk to your daughter NOT the other mom.

+1 I don't like gel nails either but this isn't questionable parenting by the other mom, it's your daughter doing the opposite of what you told her to do and rubbing it in your face by sending you a picture of it.

I don't think the daughter was rubbing it in OP's face. It sounds like the daughter had no idea that OP would mind. Either she thought OP said no because of cost, or maybe she forgot that conversation, or thought it was about something different? (I'm a woman, but I don' have a clear idea of the difference between gel nails, acrylic nails, whatever nails). She was just happy about it. I think there must have been some miscommunication between OP and daughter, but in any event, the mom didn't do anything wrong.

OP says she told her daughter no about gel nails because they're bad for you, etc. Then OP came on here to post about it being a mark of poor parenting for the sleepover mom, so I doubt she was breezy and casual in her "no" to her kid. Somehow I doubt that the kid who didn't text for permission but did text to show off the finished product was miscommunicating (who texts their mom to show off a sleepover manicure? Who texts their mom during a sleepover at all?). My point is that OP needs to lay off the other mom because she did nothing wrong. If there's a come to Jesus to be had, it's with her daughter.

OP says why she told her daughter no, but she doesn't say that she told her daughter all the reasons. She might have framed it as "I'm not paying for those, they aren't even good for your nails," which a kid might reasonably understand to be an objection primarily to the cost. It's not like gel polish is actually dangerous or risky, especially the at-home stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 14. Awhile ago I said no to gel nails because I don't think they're good for you, dd already has nail issues, it's expensive and I don't think she will be able to handle the grow out stage (look wise but also if they get pulled off accidentally). Plus I just don't think kids need gel nails and don't want to support all that.

DD went to sleepover at new friends house, and texted me a picture at 11pm that friends mom did their gel nails. DD is very happy about this so I reacted accordingly but really my true reaction is who puts gel nails on someone else's kid without double checking that it's okay? I was already skeptical about the mom's parenting choices just from getting to know the daughter and imo this goes into the territory of something that should be verified first.

Your thoughts?

Not much to do about it now, but curious, would you care about this? Clearly I will talk with dd about boundaries and rules especially when at this friends, just haven't come across this before. Other moms usually ask about stuff like this first. Minor but yet it matters to me at the same time.

I disagree. I would expect a parent to ask me before doing anything that was permanent or semi-permanent. Gel polish does not fall into that category. You have weirdly strong feelings about gel polish that are not widely shared. I mean, you attack her parenting over this? You need some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD just turned 14. Awhile ago I said no to gel nails because I don't think they're good for you, dd already has nail issues, it's expensive and I don't think she will be able to handle the grow out stage (look wise but also if they get pulled off accidentally). Plus I just don't think kids need gel nails and don't want to support all that.

DD went to sleepover at new friends house, and texted me a picture at 11pm that friends mom did their gel nails. DD is very happy about this so I reacted accordingly but really my true reaction is who puts gel nails on someone else's kid without double checking that it's okay? I was already skeptical about the mom's parenting choices just from getting to know the daughter and imo this goes into the territory of something that should be verified first.

Your thoughts?

Not much to do about it now, but curious, would you care about this? Clearly I will talk with dd about boundaries and rules especially when at this friends, just haven't come across this before. Other moms usually ask about stuff like this first. Minor but yet it matters to me at the same time.

I disagree. I would expect a parent to ask me before doing anything that was permanent or semi-permanent. Gel polish does not fall into that category. You have weirdly strong feelings about gel polish that are not widely shared. I mean, you attack her parenting over this? You need some perspective.

I agree. I have painted my daughter’s friends’ nails (elementary school aged) and it never occurred to me to ask their mothers first. It is harmless and non-permanent. If any of them acted bent out of shape about it I would gladly give them a bottle of nail polish remover...

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I wanted opinions, thanks for those who shared how they would see it. I already said I was positive with dd (since obviously she was so excited) just in hindsight it felt a bit off. So I crowdsourced an opinion, I'm under stress with other stuff going on and didn't feel sure my reaction was something to act on or just let go due to other stuff happening.

Didn't expect some people to be so bent out of shape about me asking what others thought *before I reacted*.

FWIW it wasn't just polish but a multi step layering and pre-treatment process with some sort of gel stuff applied and then hardening that, then multiple layers of polish over top, then something on top of that with multiple uv setting stages. And she is just turned 14 in grade 8, not high school.

And the other reasons from my previous posts, such as dd's moodiness are still factors. Either way I agree not on the mom, though I would've asked the kid if their mom would care if I'd never met the other mom or kid before.

I talked to dd for a few minutes just to clarify and she had just thought it would be fine.

Thanks for the opinions and unsure what spurred the notion that I was off the wall reacting when I was just questioning my thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I wanted opinions, thanks for those who shared how they would see it. I already said I was positive with dd (since obviously she was so excited) just in hindsight it felt a bit off. So I crowdsourced an opinion, I'm under stress with other stuff going on and didn't feel sure my reaction was something to act on or just let go due to other stuff happening.

Didn't expect some people to be so bent out of shape about me asking what others thought *before I reacted*.

FWIW it wasn't just polish but a multi step layering and pre-treatment process with some sort of gel stuff applied and then hardening that, then multiple layers of polish over top, then something on top of that with multiple uv setting stages. And she is just turned 14 in grade 8, not high school.

And the other reasons from my previous posts, such as dd's moodiness are still factors. Either way I agree not on the mom, though I would've asked the kid if their mom would care if I'd never met the other mom or kid before.

I talked to dd for a few minutes just to clarify and she had just thought it would be fine.

Thanks for the opinions and unsure what spurred the notion that I was off the wall reacting when I was just questioning my thinking.

That just sounds like regular gel, OP - you apply a base layer, two layers of gel polish, and a top layer. You cure with a UV lamp in between the different layers and at the end.

You're ok, OP. It's really hard to relinquish control as the kids grow up, after years of shouldering every single decision... but we have to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I wanted opinions, thanks for those who shared how they would see it. I already said I was positive with dd (since obviously she was so excited) just in hindsight it felt a bit off. So I crowdsourced an opinion, I'm under stress with other stuff going on and didn't feel sure my reaction was something to act on or just let go due to other stuff happening.

Didn't expect some people to be so bent out of shape about me asking what others thought *before I reacted*.

FWIW it wasn't just polish but a multi step layering and pre-treatment process with some sort of gel stuff applied and then hardening that, then multiple layers of polish over top, then something on top of that with multiple uv setting stages. And she is just turned 14 in grade 8, not high school.

And the other reasons from my previous posts, such as dd's moodiness are still factors. Either way I agree not on the mom, though I would've asked the kid if their mom would care if I'd never met the other mom or kid before.

I talked to dd for a few minutes just to clarify and she had just thought it would be fine.

Thanks for the opinions and unsure what spurred the notion that I was off the wall reacting when I was just questioning my thinking.

That just sounds like regular gel, OP - you apply a base layer, two layers of gel polish, and a top layer. You cure with a UV lamp in between the different layers and at the end.

You're ok, OP. It's really hard to relinquish control as the kids grow up, after years of shouldering every single decision... but we have to do it.

Thank you. I am also a single parent and find it hard sometimes to keep myself in check enough, without a regular 2nd opinion, so appreciate this forum for that as at least most of the time it's a nice place to ask around. This is my first teenager. I appreciate your kindness in your response.

[Anonymous]

So was this SNS?

[Anonymous]

As I have said on DCUM before, and will surely say again, non-permanent body modifications are fine by me. It doesn’t mean I will pay for it, but I won’t get in the way. At 14 especially, it is her body/her nails.

[Anonymous]

OP FWIW, I would be annoyed at the mom and disappointed in my DD.

Mostly b/c I think gel nails are trashy as hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP FWIW, I would be annoyed at the mom and disappointed in my DD.

Mostly b/c I think gel nails are trashy as hell.

Honest question, how are they different from regular polish?

Are you thinking of acrylics? I thought gel was just a more durable type of polish. What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

At 14, fine. Sleep overs doing covid not fine.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why I reacted positively either other than it was late and caught me off guard and dd was really happy.

This makes me happy for your DD and I hope her happiness wasn't quashed when you spoke to her today about the nails. My take from having 3 adult daughters is in line with most of the PPs, and I don't want to pile on.