Visitors 1 month before due date

[Anonymous]

My husband wants to have friends visit for 2 weeks a month before my due date. They are not vaccinated and would be staying at our home. They are moving and rented their house to tenants and need a place to stay. I have a demanding job, another child to care for and said no. Am I being unreasonable? I am worried about being physically and emotionally exhausted and want to focus on resting (in addition to working 50 hours a week) and keep the last weeks as low stress as possible. We had a very difficult time conceiving (IVF) so this is the end of a very difficult year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband wants to have friends visit for 2 weeks a month before my due date. They are not vaccinated and would be staying at our home. They are moving and rented their house to tenants and need a place to stay. I have a demanding job, another child to care for and said no. Am I being unreasonable? I am worried about being physically and emotionally exhausted and want to focus on resting (in addition to working 50 hours a week) and keep the last weeks as low stress as possible. We had a very difficult time conceiving (IVF) so this is the end of a very difficult year.

If they are not vaccinated then it's a no go. If anyone in your household gets sick it will be a disaster, because you need both adults functioning. If your husband digs in, tell him to chip in for their AirbNb rental. They are adults and should have lined up something before renting out their house, not scramble after the fact.

[Anonymous]

Not unreasonable of you! You will be exhausted no matter what. Guests for three days would be tiring, let alone 2 weeks! You and your coming baby and toddler who will soon get a lot less mommy time are the focus here. This is precious time to rest and prepare as much as possible. Even if they were the easiest guests in the world, there would still be social/emotional labor to do in hosting them. Tell your husband you would have been open to this at 6 months, but 7 or 8 months is too late. If they are good friends, they will understand. And if they are not completely unlikeable, they should have other friends they can ask. Sounds weirdly imposing of them to think this is a good idea, but if they don’t have kids, maybe they have no idea what pregnancy is like.

Plus, what if you go into labor early? How is that going to be for you and them?

Bottom line, you are vulnerable right now and your needs come first.

[Anonymous]

Nope nope nope. It’s surprising they’d even ask to be honest. You could be in labor while they’re at your house... babies don’t always come on time. You’ll likely be pretty uncomfortable by that time as well.

[Anonymous]

Your husband and your friends are being unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

You are not being reasonable. It's an awful idea. Say no. Are you seeing an MFM? Mine was more cautious than my regular OB and recommended a month quarantine pre due date and post baby. If you need to, ask the MFM about pre-baby quarantine and then blame it on that if they pressure you. Sorry you have to do that, OP. Your husband and "friends" are being unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not being reasonable. It's an awful idea. Say no. Are you seeing an MFM? Mine was more cautious than my regular OB and recommended a month quarantine pre due date and post baby. If you need to, ask the MFM about pre-baby quarantine and then blame it on that if they pressure you. Sorry you have to do that, OP. Your husband and "friends" are being unreasonable.

PP here. That should say you are not being UNreasonable.

[Anonymous]

1) They are unvaccinated and (presumably) your other kid(s) are also unvaccinated? That's a no.

2) Two weeks for any guest at any time? That's a no.

3) When you are specifically looking, for reasonable reasons, for a relaxing, restful period of time? That's a no.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the feedback. I will ask my MFM. My husband was quite upset when I firmly said no but feel like I should stand my ground. The last month of my last pregnancy was stressful and ended up developing preeclampsia at the end so really trying to take it easy. Which I understand sounds impractical when working in a high stress job and having another child to care for. We have a large home so my husband was frankly told me I was being selfish and a bad friend and it really hurt my feelings.

[Anonymous]

100% absolutely NOT. You would be putting your unborn child in danger. This is divorce level stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the feedback. I will ask my MFM. My husband was quite upset when I firmly said no but feel like I should stand my ground. The last month of my last pregnancy was stressful and ended up developing preeclampsia at the end so really trying to take it easy. Which I understand sounds impractical when working in a high stress job and having another child to care for. We have a large home so my husband was frankly told me I was being selfish and a bad friend and it really hurt my feelings.

"I see that you feel strongly about this. Can you tell me more? Why the risk of infection to our child doesn't outweigh being a good friend? Can you think of other ways to support your friends without hosting them? If they are renting their house, presumably they get rent, you know, money coming in, which they could use to get an airbnb. Why is their choice to not vaccinate and to not line up housing should be more important than my choices and risks in the last month of pregnancy, when we both know I could get pre-eclampsia or either of us could get covid? They made their choices based on their circumstances, including accommodating the tenant to move in when they didn't have housing. Does risking our health and our children's health seem like a reasonable thing to sacrifice for friends' tenants' convenience? Tell me more about why you feel this way".

OP, put the ball in his court, probe and make him do the mental work of explaining it. Stay calm and stay your ground. "I don't feel that this situation merits risking my health and that of my children. I admire you for being a good considerate person and supportive friend. In this situation your family needs to be put first, it's tough to say no to friends, but I hope you do the right thing as husband and father."

[Anonymous]

Those aren't visitors, those are tenants staying for free. They should use the rent money they're getting from their house and find themselves a more stable situation for those two weeks.

[Anonymous]

This is just a hard no. Good friends wouldn't even ask this. . .

[Anonymous]

Lol, I just turned down a dog sitting a friend’s dog five weeks before my due date because I thought it would be too much! I can’t imagine having to host people, much less unvaccinated people. Say no!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband and your friends are being unreasonable.

Holy cow, talk about cluelessness. Who would impose on someone like these while we’re in a pandemic and you’re pregnant. You need to have a serious talk with your husband.