If you go somewhere without DH for the afternoon/day...

[Anonymous]

How much does he ask you about it when you return home?

If DH goes somewhere, I ask him questions about it because I’m genuinely interested.

When I get home, DH might ask how it was, barely listen to the answer, and then move on. He always says about everything “Men don’t ask follow-up questions” but I don’t find this true of many other men.

[Anonymous]

We don’t ask each other questions. The person who went away usually tells all the interesting parts and the other listens.

[Anonymous]

Depends what it is. Is it interesting stuff he might end up doing too or like lunch with a friend?

[Anonymous]

Uh, it depends. But beyond a greeting when I return, I don’t expect questions. Maybe one “how is Jessica?” If I saw a trend for lunch.

Like, do you want him to show you every item you bought at Nordstrom?

“How was your Pap smear?” Super fun? Riveting? What do you want?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Some examples: spending the day on a long bike ride, going to museums with family members, out to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen for a while, spending a weekend somewhere, and going on a business trip (in the old days).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some examples: spending the day on a long bike ride, going to museums with family members, out to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen for a while, spending a weekend somewhere, and going on a business trip (in the old days).

Are you 'testing him'? Do you see the number of questions he asks or the interest he shows in what you did while you were away from him an indication of his esteem for you?

I think you are dissatisfied with the level of emotional connectedness in your relationship and using this as a barometer.

[Anonymous]

We are both women but my wife doesn’t ask much either. It’s fine with me tbh. I don’t want to relay the whole afternoon activities. Having said that, when it’s reversed I want all the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some examples: spending the day on a long bike ride, going to museums with family members, out to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen for a while, spending a weekend somewhere, and going on a business trip (in the old days).

Are you 'testing him'? Do you see the number of questions he asks or the interest he shows in what you did while you were away from him an indication of his esteem for you?

I think you are dissatisfied with the level of emotional connectedness in your relationship and using this as a barometer.

OP here. Yes, this is definitely part of it. But I’m also trying to gauge if I have expectations that are too high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some examples: spending the day on a long bike ride, going to museums with family members, out to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen for a while, spending a weekend somewhere, and going on a business trip (in the old days).

If he's greeting you when you come home and asking a general "How was the museum" or "Did you have fun"'or something,mother he's a polite and caring person. For the business trip, maybe a bigger greeting and an additional "how did your presentation go" or some such. Do you want him to ask you what kind of shampoo the hotel had?

What do you want? Genuinely asking, for the above scenarios: what do you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some examples: spending the day on a long bike ride, going to museums with family members, out to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen for a while, spending a weekend somewhere, and going on a business trip (in the old days).

Are you 'testing him'? Do you see the number of questions he asks or the interest he shows in what you did while you were away from him an indication of his esteem for you?

I think you are dissatisfied with the level of emotional connectedness in your relationship and using this as a barometer.

Agreed.

My DH isn’t much of a talker. He might ask one question, if that. And I’m fine with it. If I feel the need to tell him more I tell him more. I’m not testing him to see if he’s asking the exact right questions.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I don't really talk to much about these activities, maybe every once in a while if he's having a meal with someone I know and am curious about, but I could care less about a bike ride. He never asks me about details, more like where were you? And I'll say Dick's Sporting Goods. End of convo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some examples: spending the day on a long bike ride, going to museums with family members, out to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen for a while, spending a weekend somewhere, and going on a business trip (in the old days).

Are you 'testing him'? Do you see the number of questions he asks or the interest he shows in what you did while you were away from him an indication of his esteem for you?

I think you are dissatisfied with the level of emotional connectedness in your relationship and using this as a barometer.

OP here. Yes, this is definitely part of it. But I’m also trying to gauge if I have expectations that are too high.

NP. In this exact scenario, you have expectations that are too high. If he greets you and asks generally "how was your trip," that is normal.
Pt here might be other things where your feelings of disconnection are valid...but this ain't it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some examples: spending the day on a long bike ride, going to museums with family members, out to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen for a while, spending a weekend somewhere, and going on a business trip (in the old days).

If he's greeting you when you come home and asking a general "How was the museum" or "Did you have fun"'or something,mother he's a polite and caring person. For the business trip, maybe a bigger greeting and an additional "how did your presentation go" or some such. Do you want him to ask you what kind of shampoo the hotel had?

What do you want? Genuinely asking, for the above scenarios: what do you want?

What I want is an interesting back-and-forth discussion. Maybe like I have with my women friends or a couple of my guy friends.

[Anonymous]

OP if this is bothering you, you either have a perfect relationship and this is the only thing you could think of to worry about, or you are seriously needy. I’m a happily married woman and I don’t really give a shit about my DH’s golf game. If he wants to talk about it and I have time, I will happily listen/converse about it but I wouldn’t ask (or ask “follow up” questions, wtf? Didn’t he already ask??) because I don’t care. It seems like you insist he think of and ask a bunch of questions about your personal activities just so that you have the pleasure of telling the story. You also object to him barely listening. I don’t think that’s an expectation that’s “too high,” I think it’s an expectation that’s narcissistic and unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some examples: spending the day on a long bike ride, going to museums with family members, out to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen for a while, spending a weekend somewhere, and going on a business trip (in the old days).

If he's greeting you when you come home and asking a general "How was the museum" or "Did you have fun"'or something,mother he's a polite and caring person. For the business trip, maybe a bigger greeting and an additional "how did your presentation go" or some such. Do you want him to ask you what kind of shampoo the hotel had?

What do you want? Genuinely asking, for the above scenarios: what do you want?

What I want is an interesting back-and-forth discussion. Maybe like I have with my women friends or a couple of my guy friends.

1) it’s not fair to ask you husband to be just like your friends.
2) arrive at your friends’ houses at all hours of the day and see if they drop everything to gab with you