If you go somewhere without DH for the afternoon/day...

[Anonymous]

If my DH goes on a bike ride I might ask how it was, what was the weather like, etc but that’s about it. If he sees a friend or family member I might ask a general question about how they’re doing. But that’s about it, and DH and I are pretty chatty people. I don’t think this is a fair barometer of your connection but as PP said, perhaps it’s part of a larger issue in your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife is like you. She wants a full run down of how my day was with my friends. Men don't talk about much, except jokes, sports, attractive women and stories of attractive women they had sex with in the past.

Really? Guys talk about women they’ve had sex with in the past when they get together? Even into middle age? Is this for real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much does he ask you about it when you return home?

If DH goes somewhere, I ask him questions about it because I’m genuinely interested.

When I get home, DH might ask how it was, barely listen to the answer, and then move on. He always says about everything “Men don’t ask follow-up questions” but I don’t find this true of many other men.

It depends on what I share. I’m an introvert so my favorite solo outings tend to be opportunities to be contemplative, even if my body is active. It’s harder to share “After hiking for 20 minutes, I came across my grandmother’s favorite flower and spent the next hour thinking about my early childhood with a mixture of joy and sadness.” It’s even harder to ask a follow-up question about that.

On the other hand, if I meet up with friends or do something we both enjoy, he asks a lot of questions.

As a fellow introvert who does a lot of outdoors things by myself - I would be very interested in hearing about that!

[Anonymous]

If you have kids, you can get into the habit of asking/talking about your day over dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some examples: spending the day on a long bike ride, going to museums with family members, out to lunch with a friend I haven’t seen for a while, spending a weekend somewhere, and going on a business trip (in the old days).

If he's greeting you when you come home and asking a general "How was the museum" or "Did you have fun"'or something,mother he's a polite and caring person. For the business trip, maybe a bigger greeting and an additional "how did your presentation go" or some such. Do you want him to ask you what kind of shampoo the hotel had?

What do you want? Genuinely asking, for the above scenarios: what do you want?

What I want is an interesting back-and-forth discussion. Maybe like I have with my women friends or a couple of my guy friends.

1) it’s not fair to ask you husband to be just like your friends.
2) arrive at your friends’ houses at all hours of the day and see if they drop everything to gab with you

This. If my DH goes out without me I do ask him questions when he gets home (how was the bike ride? Where did you go?) and he might tell me about an animal or person he saw. But, that's it. Here is not much of an interesting back and forth because you are with your husband 24/7 right now.

When I go out he might ask me how my walk was and I'll tell him. I might volunteer more info because he isn't actually that interested (true story: he cares, but he doesn't REALLY care. Just like I care about where he went but I don't REALLY care. He would object to me saying that he doesn't REALLY care, but his inattention belies his true feelings. And that's OK)

He ISN'T your girlfriend. Men are different. He wants a kiss and a hug and a short "it was great" and that's it. What kind of back and forth can you actually expect from the person you see everyday? Really, unless things are in upheaval, most everything is routine. And I'm sorry, but bickering over the best table and chairs to buy for the porch is the best back and forth you are going to get right now.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes he asks. I kind of like to act cagey about it, like maybe I was meeting up with another man...just to keep him on his toes.

[Anonymous]

All I do these days is walk with friends, so the convo is usually:
DH: how is so-and-so?
Me: good, she is redoing her kitchen this summer
DH: cool, good for them
-fin-

Works for me?

[Anonymous]

I think your expectations are out of line or at least his reaction is very normal if incompatible with your needs. I have been with my DH for over 20 years, happily. If he started asking me detailed questions about my day out or wanted me to ask him, I’d hate it so much and find it annoyingly exhausting. I tell him if there was something that I think he’d find particularly interesting but there usually isn’t much and the same for me.

We do talk a lot about various things but not this sort of detailed recitation of daily activities or lengthy discussion of people the other half of the couple doesn’t have much independent interest with. If I had to do that on a regular basis - shudder!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife is like you. She wants a full run down of how my day was with my friends. Men don't talk about much, except jokes, sports, attractive women and stories of attractive women they had sex with in the past.

Men like to say this about themselves, but in my experience men won't shut up. "Here's a lengthy explanation of how my brilliant investment strategy works," "I bought a new tool and you need to hear about why it's fascinating," "I really crushed this guy in [some law-firm thing] today," "Let me describe step-by-step this car repair procedure that hasn't been viable since 1988." Then when they get drunk they cry about their daddies.

You must be a woman. Sounds like men mansplaining to you. That sucks. Would be better if they just talked about sports and girls like they do to other men

That sounds even more boring.

[Anonymous]

Its sad about his toxic masculinity

“Men don’t ask follow up questions”??!

ugh

[Anonymous]

Because it wasn’t important to me and it was somethings that I could care less about, so my assumption and preference would be not to regurgitate it.

- a DH

[Anonymous]

I’m a DW and I don’t ask anything. I’m not particularly interested in how the game went or what conspiracy theories his odd friend espouses this week. I also don’t tell him anything about my friends. Is that weird? I love my DH, I just generally don’t care to relay mundane events of which others weren’t in attendance.