Team Chemistry

[Anonymous]

[b]How important is team chemistry to your DC? Does your team have it?

My DC loves playing soccer, but lately has been coming home crying. DC feels not to belong to the team, and that the coach is not doing much to address it.

As a parent I try to remain objective, and I do not know what is happening while at practice. I do see clicks among kids, and that kids are excluding other kids that do not have “playdates”.

I keep telling my DC to toughen, play this season and we will reassess for the next year. At the same time I fee that from a motivated, talented kid, I now have a kid that lost self confidence (as teammates are not passing the ball, other to their “friends”), and lost an interest in playing.

Have you had a similar situation? I just feel we are investing too much time and money to be dealing with this drama.

[Anonymous]

How old?

[Anonymous]

That's sad. I would talk to the coach and finish the season. Don't know the age but won't the teams change for the fall?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[b]How important is team chemistry to your DC? Does your team have it?

My DC loves playing soccer, but lately has been coming home crying. DC feels not to belong to the team, and that the coach is not doing much to address it.

As a parent I try to remain objective, and I do not know what is happening while at practice. I do see clicks among kids, and that kids are excluding other kids that do not have “playdates”.

I keep telling my DC to toughen, play this season and we will reassess for the next year. At the same time I fee that from a motivated, talented kid, I now have a kid that lost self confidence (as teammates are not passing the ball, other to their “friends”), and lost an interest in playing.

Have you had a similar situation? I just feel we are investing too much time and money to be dealing with this drama.

Yep. I would finish the season and then tryout for a few different clubs. Its difficult to ask, but do you feel that dc is putting in effort to socialize with the other kids?

[Anonymous]

How old? My son is 12, and there are some kids he is friendlier with on his team than others, but he gets along with everyone fine. I can't imagine him deeply caring, but for him, the relationship is more akin to a work friendship. He would pass the ball to the more open player, regardless of who he would prefer to hang out with outside of soccer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old? My son is 12, and there are some kids he is friendlier with on his team than others, but he gets along with everyone fine. I can't imagine him deeply caring, but for him, the relationship is more akin to a work friendship. He would pass the ball to the more open player, regardless of who he would prefer to hang out with outside of soccer.

Is your son playing a decent amount of time? Enough to develop as a player?

[Anonymous]

DC is 9, and has been playing soccer since 4. This is the first year we do travel soccer, so maybe we were not prepared for this.
1. No, I think DC has regressed this year;
2. Playtime seems ok, but it looks more like running on the field time.
3. Kids simply do not pass the ball other than to the “friends”.

I guess my DC (and a few other kids) is not in the inner circle. This is the first year we have this situation; maybe it is travel level; maybe it is competitive; maybe it is about entitled kids; maybe I see the coach not managing the situation well; maybe I am exaggerating and do not understand what is going on. We tried talking to the coach but I feel it helped nothing.

Good this is an anonymous forum and I need to vent, but it hurts to see my kid crying and I do not know what to do.

[Anonymous]

That sucks OP. Team Chemistry I think it extremely important at the young ages in our experience. I recall when my DS joined a new club at U10 and got some hazing (got water and Gatorade splashed on him etc). When he established himself as a solid player it stopped. I sort of see teams go through the 4 stages of forming a group with new players. I really hope it is just an adjustment period. Did you start this year or mid season? I can imagine its harder to come midseason and fit in since you havent had a chance to prove yourself. Short term is practice and play hard and look for alternatives if it doesnt work out.

[Anonymous]

sometimes you have kids on a travel team who have played "house league" since 5 years old and then moved up to travel at U9.

They aren't purposely ignoring your DC, they have just known the other kids for 6-7 years already.

You know what also helps teammates wanting to be buddies? being a really good player. Instant friending.

If you're not happy, maybe find a more newly formed team where the kids have not known each other for years already. Otherwise it really takes 1.5-2 years to break in. Seen it many times before.

[Anonymous]

9 year olds are still learning to pass the ball and not be a ball hog. Especially for less experienced teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is 9, and has been playing soccer since 4. This is the first year we do travel soccer, so maybe we were not prepared for this.
1. No, I think DC has regressed this year;
2. Playtime seems ok, but it looks more like running on the field time.
3. Kids simply do not pass the ball other than to the “friends”.

I guess my DC (and a few other kids) is not in the inner circle. This is the first year we have this situation; maybe it is travel level; maybe it is competitive; maybe it is about entitled kids; maybe I see the coach not managing the situation well; maybe I am exaggerating and do not understand what is going on. We tried talking to the coach but I feel it helped nothing.

Good this is an anonymous forum and I need to vent, but it hurts to see my kid crying and I do not know what to do.

If kid is crying at that age, i would find a new team after the season. Soccer should be nothing but fun at 9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC is 9, and has been playing soccer since 4. This is the first year we do travel soccer, so maybe we were not prepared for this.
1. No, I think DC has regressed this year;
2. Playtime seems ok, but it looks more like running on the field time.
3. Kids simply do not pass the ball other than to the “friends”.

I guess my DC (and a few other kids) is not in the inner circle. This is the first year we have this situation; maybe it is travel level; maybe it is competitive; maybe it is about entitled kids; maybe I see the coach not managing the situation well; maybe I am exaggerating and do not understand what is going on. We tried talking to the coach but I feel it helped nothing.

Good this is an anonymous forum and I need to vent, but it hurts to see my kid crying and I do not know what to do.

If kid is crying at that age, i would find a new team after the season. Soccer should be nothing but fun at 9.

I agree. Find a new team next season. Honor your commitment but find a team that will allow for fun and learning. When they are 13 and 14 it starts to get more serious but for now look for fun and confidence building.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t move him until next season, then teach to properly tackle. After a few good tackles, his bullying teammates will change their attitudes.

[Anonymous]

How old? My son is 12, and there are some kids he is friendlier with on his team than others, but he gets along with everyone fine. I can't imagine him deeply caring, but for him, the relationship is more akin to a work friendship. He would pass the ball to the more open player, regardless of who he would prefer to hang out with outside of soccer.


Is your son playing a decent amount of time? Enough to develop as a player?

Yes, definitely enough playing time, though I don't think the coach rotates the kids through positions enough to really develop them properly. He tends to keep people where they are strongest already. But that is a separate issue from team chemistry.

[Anonymous]

DC is 9, and has been playing soccer since 4. This is the first year we do travel soccer, so maybe we were not prepared for this.
1. No, I think DC has regressed this year;
2. Playtime seems ok, but it looks more like running on the field time.
3. Kids simply do not pass the ball other than to the “friends”.

I guess my DC (and a few other kids) is not in the inner circle. This is the first year we have this situation; maybe it is travel level; maybe it is competitive; maybe it is about entitled kids; maybe I see the coach not managing the situation well; maybe I am exaggerating and do not understand what is going on. We tried talking to the coach but I feel it helped nothing.

Good this is an anonymous forum and I need to vent, but it hurts to see my kid crying and I do not know what to do.

Try a different team next year. I don't think the issue is competitiveness, because that would lead to passing to the strongest open player, not friends. The issue may be that the coach is not organizing things well and imposing sufficient structure.