Team Chemistry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar issue on our team with a group of 5 kids that had played together for years. Two of them were the better kids on the team, but all 5 were just terrible kids to teammates and other team players. They only passed to each other, yelled at other kids for not passing or losing the ball (even though they lost it all the time), and were generally just annoying. One of the parents on our team brought it up to the coach and he didn't seem to care or even want to address. We left after two years and the new team we are on has been wonderful with very accepting kids. I've realized, like most things, it's all about the coach. A good coach would never let what happened on our last team go unchecked. My recommendation is to find somewhere else for next year. It's only going to get worse.

A good coach also weeds out the the players that are helping the team succeed . Sometime you have to have A Holes to be successful. Every kid has a risk vs reward value. Its up to the coach to determine that balance. We get all up in arms when we dont win. but we rarely tell the kid he's not good enough because it will hurt their feelings.

I have never once seen that past age 13, and even in the younger years coaches explain it in terms of development.

I, myself, have told my kids over time that if they want to start and play a certain position (instead of whine or say anything is unfair) they have to demonstrate that they are better than every other player on the team in that position.

There have also been times, they just weren't ready for a certain team. No shame in that game. If they want to get better it does them no good to lie to them about why they didn't make a certain team.

I have had my kids be proactive in finding out from coaches what they are currently lacking and what they should focus on....to make it to the next level, improve their game, etc.

Nobody has to make it about being an a-hole or being punitive. GRIT. A kid that knows what he needs to do, where his limitations currently are and what to do and works on his own can make huge strides AND THEN THERE IS THAT LITTLE THING CALLED PUBERTY THAT for late growers is a GAME CHANGER when they come into their own. I saw my own kid grow from 5'2"-6 ft over the course of 1 year---with tons of mechanical, knee growth issues and gawkiness that year...but emerged a different kid at 15.5.

[Anonymous]

Some of the toxic players are no Michael Jordan. Therein lies the problem.

Demanding greatness from those around you is one thing. Being a pre-teen pr*ck is another. It's toxic for everyone.

I have seen these kids crash and burn by 16/17. They are no longer the stars and they had shitty attitudes and end up quitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had a similar issue on our team with a group of 5 kids that had played together for years. Two of them were the better kids on the team, but all 5 were just terrible kids to teammates and other team players. They only passed to each other, yelled at other kids for not passing or losing the ball (even though they lost it all the time), and were generally just annoying. One of the parents on our team brought it up to the coach and he didn't seem to care or even want to address. We left after two years and the new team we are on has been wonderful with very accepting kids. I've realized, like most things, it's all about the coach. A good coach would never let what happened on our last team go unchecked. My recommendation is to find somewhere else for next year. It's only going to get worse.

A good coach also weeds out the the players that are helping the team succeed . Sometime you have to have A Holes to be successful. Every kid has a risk vs reward value. Its up to the coach to determine that balance. We get all up in arms when we dont win. but we rarely tell the kid he's not good enough because it will hurt their feelings.

I have never once seen that past age 13, and even in the younger years coaches explain it in terms of development.

I, myself, have told my kids over time that if they want to start and play a certain position (instead of whine or say anything is unfair) they have to demonstrate that they are better than every other player on the team in that position.

There have also been times, they just weren't ready for a certain team. No shame in that game. If they want to get better it does them no good to lie to them about why they didn't make a certain team.

I have had my kids be proactive in finding out from coaches what they are currently lacking and what they should focus on....to make it to the next level, improve their game, etc.

Nobody has to make it about being an a-hole or being punitive. GRIT. A kid that knows what he needs to do, where his limitations currently are and what to do and works on his own can make huge strides AND THEN THERE IS THAT LITTLE THING CALLED PUBERTY THAT for late growers is a GAME CHANGER when they come into their own. I saw my own kid grow from 5'2"-6 ft over the course of 1 year---with tons of mechanical, knee growth issues and gawkiness that year...but emerged a different kid at 15.5.

Same and it is fun to see them annihilate those former jerks.

[Anonymous]

just sign up for the "grit" seminar and you can get gritty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just sign up for the "grit" seminar and you can get gritty.

It obviously means something else as a single capitalized word. Now I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old? My son is 12, and there are some kids he is friendlier with on his team than others, but he gets along with everyone fine. I can't imagine him deeply caring, but for him, the relationship is more akin to a work friendship. He would pass the ball to the more open player, regardless of who he would prefer to hang out with outside of soccer.

Yeah, my 9 year old is the same. He played futsal for a different club this winter, and mentioned how much more "friends" he was with those boys than he is with his travel soccer teammates ... for no apparent reason that I can figure out. He gets along with his soccer teammates just fine, but it's more of a workmanlike relationship, and not so much a "friends" relationship with anyone on travel soccer; never had a "playdate" with anyone on the soccer team (he's never asked). It hasn't affected gameplay at all, not that I can see at least.

Just seems that some kids click better than others. As other posters suggested, maybe try out a few different practice sessions with different clubs in the area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old? My son is 12, and there are some kids he is friendlier with on his team than others, but he gets along with everyone fine. I can't imagine him deeply caring, but for him, the relationship is more akin to a work friendship. He would pass the ball to the more open player, regardless of who he would prefer to hang out with outside of soccer.

Yeah, my 9 year old is the same. He played futsal for a different club this winter, and mentioned how much more "friends" he was with those boys than he is with his travel soccer teammates ... for no apparent reason that I can figure out. He gets along with his soccer teammates just fine, but it's more of a workmanlike relationship, and not so much a "friends" relationship with anyone on travel soccer; never had a "playdate" with anyone on the soccer team (he's never asked). It hasn't affected gameplay at all, not that I can see at least.

Just seems that some kids click better than others. As other posters suggested, maybe try out a few different practice sessions with different clubs in the area?

The fact you are in travel soccer still using the term "play-date" shows you baby him. competitive soccer is about success of a team the focus isn't on friendship. That is a bonus but not a requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old? My son is 12, and there are some kids he is friendlier with on his team than others, but he gets along with everyone fine. I can't imagine him deeply caring, but for him, the relationship is more akin to a work friendship. He would pass the ball to the more open player, regardless of who he would prefer to hang out with outside of soccer.

Yeah, my 9 year old is the same. He played futsal for a different club this winter, and mentioned how much more "friends" he was with those boys than he is with his travel soccer teammates ... for no apparent reason that I can figure out. He gets along with his soccer teammates just fine, but it's more of a workmanlike relationship, and not so much a "friends" relationship with anyone on travel soccer; never had a "playdate" with anyone on the soccer team (he's never asked). It hasn't affected gameplay at all, not that I can see at least.

Just seems that some kids click better than others. As other posters suggested, maybe try out a few different practice sessions with different clubs in the area?

The fact you are in travel soccer still using the term "play-date" shows you baby him. competitive soccer is about success of a team the focus isn't on friendship. That is a bonus but not a requirement.

LOL touchy touchy ... I used the term because other posters above me mentioned it ... and I put it in gheyquotes to show that I think the term is pretty silly. We've never used the word in our household.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a social coordinator for your team?
Pre-Covid (and hopefully soon), they would plan outings and team-bonding events - really helps the team gel.