15 year old doesn’t want braces
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Anonymous
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For numerous reasons, we were not able to do it when she was younger. Now we can. I told her I thought this summer was a good time to start. She practically started shaking, telling me she was absolutely not having braces in high school, I had my chance when she was younger (no, it was not possible for us at that time), and she will just live with the teeth she has.
This is nonsense, right? Teens don’t just get to decide they don’t get braces? Or is this a natural consequences thing. You get braces now and we pay for them, or you pay yourself if you want them later. She has very high anxiety (gets treatment) and she’s bull-headed. It is a tough combination! |
Anonymous
Yes they do. It's essentially cosmetic? Her teeth aren't causing issues for her? Then yes, you can't force braces on a teen just like you can't force a nose job on them. |
Anonymous
| Does she not want them because of the way they look? I'm not saying you should let her go without for that reason, but I sympathize with a teenager not wanting the look of braces in HS when most of her peers are done with that. Is Invisalign or clear braces an option? |
Anonymous
| It depends on how significant the issues are. If I think they are going to harm him career prospects (which is awful/unfair/classist but sadly a fact of the world as it is) then I would insist. Otherwise no. Many issues can be fixed with Invisalign which might be a good option for her. |
Anonymous
| How bad is the problem? How long would she need them? I’d be inclined to override her - teens are shortsighted, but if it’s borderline I’d let her decide. |
Anonymous
| Does she actually *need* braces to correct a serious problem of alignment or something, or is it purely cosmetic? I wouldn't force a teenager to have a cosmetic procedure done. |
Anonymous
I’m sure it’s because of the way they look. She’s a freshman, and her best friend just got them 6 months ago. I don’t know what she’d think about clear braces. I personally think they look like crusty teeth. She couldn’t get them when she was younger because she had anorexia. She is now far enough into recovery (which I have pulled her through, kicking and screaming) to allow braces. Invisalign is contraindicated with anorexia, unfortunately. Believe me, I wish we could have done them earlier. I feel like she should do them now (like, even asking to start now instead of waiting), with the idea that they’d be off before senior year. |
Anonymous
| How significant is the issue the braces would correct and how long is she likely to have them? I would be cautious given her anorexia history however in general I agree 15 year olds don’t make this type of call. |
Anonymous
I don’t really know. We did phase 1 when she was in third grade. The expander did help. The lower jaw is crowded, with one eye tooth that is really noticeably off. The upper jaw could be better - it definitely doesn’t look like she had braces - but it isn’t crazy bad. |
Anonymous
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I’d insist she discuss the options with the orthodontist before refusing entirely.
And allow her to have that discussion on her own, without you in the room, so she feels more mature and in control. They may be able to suggest a less intrusive option, and she might be better able to pinpoint just what her concerns are in discussion with a neutral third party. This way, you take the parent-child head-butting out of the equation. |
Anonymous
I was going to suggest Invisalign as well. We got a consultation for braces for my kid when she was 12 (which I thought was the magic number for braces) and asked about what kind to get - traditional metal or Invisalign etc. The orthodontist told us that that there was no rush to get it done early other than the fact that in middle school it is easier socially, because "almost everyone" has braces and he also pointed out that the old school metal kind was like a right of passage. (And it was true; about half of my kids' friends had braces during 6-9th grade). I definitely understand not wanting them at age 15, because my now 14 year old cannot wait to get them off before high school. She also wears glasses and has acne, so is excited to start wearing contacts and we are already working on getting the acne cleared up. This age is tough, and I would want to make it as easy as possible for my kid. SHe will have enough other hurdles to get over, that I won't be able to help with. |
Anonymous
I’m imagining 18 months for braces, though we haven’t done a consultation. If she were particularly mature and really into her being her authentic self, then I would really listen if she didn’t want them. Instead, she has severe social anxiety, body dysmorphia (still), and she’s very focused on her appearance, as many girls her age are. The anorexia itself, plus treatment, sort of interrupted normal adolescent development, and I don’t feel like she understands a lot about the world. The pandemic hasn’t helped. I agree with an above poster about job and relationship prospects with crooked teeth, but I’m not sure how or whether to convey that to her. Like, it’s okay for a young teen to have crooked teeth, but people will judge you as a young adult. Judging based on appearance is kind of a touchy subject... |
Anonymous
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I had a similar reaction in high school. In my case, everyone else had them when we were younger. I eventually realized how my teeth looked compared to others, especially after someone made a "joking" remark about my teeth, and I finally got them senior year in college. How I wish I had forced my younger self to have gotten them as early as possible in high school.
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Anonymous
Invisalign is a no-go, due to the anorexia. ☹️ |
Anonymous
^^^ Me again. The someone who made the "joke" did it behind my back. Used his hand and fingers to denote my teeth when he thought I wasn't looking. I turned just in time. He just shrugged and said, but they are. It was at the end of my junior year in college. I went through the process and had them on in senior year. |