15 year old doesn’t want braces

[Anonymous]

Will add that our orthodontist vigorously discouraged Invisalign for teens - they lose them or don't keep up. My daughter wanted them to and we just said no to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. And again, Invisalign will never be an option, at least if I’m paying for anything.

We had previously talked about eventually getting braces. I think most recently, we talked a few months ago. Her reaction took me by complete surprise. I agree that I want her to have agency over her body (except for the starving yourself part). I just don’t know that she can make a mature decision right now.

I’m now thinking maybe a consultation would give us information about whether this is merely cosmetic or not (assuming the ortho will be completely honest).

The other possibility is that she isn’t mature enough for braces right now.

Yikes.

I'm sure you love your daughter, but do you like her at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on how her anorexia manifested itself, I think I’d be concerned that all the rules about foods you can’t eat and things you can’t do with braces might bring up old issues. Definitely talk with the therapist before making any decisions, and pre-screen the ortho be sure they’re sensitive to the situation and willing to ease her into the process.

Also, I wonder whether an ortho who specializes in adults might be better than a practice focused on young kids? It might make her feel less self-conscious to know she’s not the first person ever to have braces past the fifth grade, and they wouldn’t try to pretend that she can make them look cool “by choosing blue rubber bands!”

Yes, there would be a lot of screening and prepping. I like the idea of an ortho with adult clients - thank you. We would need to have no food rules - just chew carefully, and deal with broken brackets if necessary. That plus mouth pain is why we couldn’t do it when she was more ill.

My DD was a mature middle-schooler when she got hers on, and that’s basically what she did. She just went cautiously with whatever she tried to eat, and stopped if it seemed sticky or she could feel tension. The only bracket she broke on food was on a NYC bagel. Otherwise, she had a run of issues when her upper eye tooth briefly pushed on the bracket below. After replacing three in two weeks, they eventually just took that one off until the teeth had moved again.

I think after the first couple of procedures, it’s less about pain and more about steady pressure with the adjustments. She found that chewing gum really helped, I guess because it provided counter-pressure. She also had an expander and reverse-pull headgear, which was loads of fun.

But honestly, if your DD continues to be really resistant, I’d back off. It sounds like her recovery, and your relationship, are still a bit fragile. Until you settle into the routine, braces can be a kind of constant pain in the rear (even when there isn’t a lot of physical pain). Seems like it might not be a great time to introduce a new thing to fixate on, and to resent you for.

Since she’s past puberty and her growth should be slowing, I wouldn’t think there would be a huge rush to move teeth while her bones are still malleable, as there would be when she was younger. If you can get her to agree to the consult, unless the ortho tells you there’s a reason to rush, you could put the ball in her court: “Here’s what the ortho suggests; let us know when you’re ready.” It might be sooner than you think. If she feels like you blindsided her with the initial suggestion, she may just need time to process and come to it on her own.

[Anonymous]

We just had a braces consult for my twin 8th graders. They were recommended for 12 months of treatment. I was regretting not doing this during the pandemic (when they were home) but my daughter reminded me that they'll most certainly be wearing masks at school during the next year.

It's actually a great time for kids to wear braces since masks will hide it all.

[Anonymous]

In this case especially, your daughter is choosing to have autonomy over her body.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone invented a version of Invisalign that is used just at night, but takes twice as long? That would be a great invention!

[Anonymous]

A kid with a history of anorexia has body and self-esteem issues. Braces would be bad for this kid and I would not push them (even if her concerns were entirely irrational). If you force your kid, you would likely waste your money and the treatment would fail. Just let the kid get her teeth decide when she is ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For numerous reasons, we were not able to do it when she was younger. Now we can. I told her I thought this summer was a good time to start. She practically started shaking, telling me she was absolutely not having braces in high school, I had my chance when she was younger (no, it was not possible for us at that time), and she will just live with the teeth she has.

This is nonsense, right? Teens don’t just get to decide they don’t get braces? Or is this a natural consequences thing. You get braces now and we pay for them, or you pay yourself if you want them later.

She has very high anxiety (gets treatment) and she’s bull-headed. It is a tough combination!

Are you serious???

Totally agree. Drop this OP. It is not worth it. Drop it. Please.

I'm the pp you responded to.

I am floored that so many parents think crooked teeth are "ok." They are your child's first impression to future employers as well as possible love interests, friends, etc. They are as important as her name.
You may as well have named her poopie Mcgee and expect her to be taken seriously.

Crooked teeth are not on par with anorexia.

Crooked teeth are on par with missing a few teeth and playing a whiskey jar banjo on your front porch.

Op, you should and it sounds like you do have basic expectations for your daughter. I'm sure education is important. Her health is important. Not having Crooked teeth is just as important.

My son with oppositional disorder didn't want braces either but he's damn glad I insisted.

If your daughter has anxiety about change/the unknown, that may be part of her resistance.

I'm just SMH at how indulgent these other parents are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For numerous reasons, we were not able to do it when she was younger. Now we can. I told her I thought this summer was a good time to start. She practically started shaking, telling me she was absolutely not having braces in high school, I had my chance when she was younger (no, it was not possible for us at that time), and she will just live with the teeth she has.

This is nonsense, right? Teens don’t just get to decide they don’t get braces? Or is this a natural consequences thing. You get braces now and we pay for them, or you pay yourself if you want them later.

She has very high anxiety (gets treatment) and she’s bull-headed. It is a tough combination!

Are you serious???

Totally agree. Drop this OP. It is not worth it. Drop it. Please.

I'm the pp you responded to.

I am floored that so many parents think crooked teeth are "ok." They are your child's first impression to future employers as well as possible love interests, friends, etc. They are as important as her name.
You may as well have named her poopie Mcgee and expect her to be taken seriously.

Crooked teeth are not on par with anorexia.

Crooked teeth are on par with missing a few teeth and playing a whiskey jar banjo on your front porch.

Op, you should and it sounds like you do have basic expectations for your daughter. I'm sure education is important. Her health is important. Not having Crooked teeth is just as important.

My son with oppositional disorder didn't want braces either but he's damn glad I insisted.

If your daughter has anxiety about change/the unknown, that may be part of her resistance.

I'm just SMH at how indulgent these other parents are!

You are out of touch. Clearly you’ve never had an eating disorder or had a child with one.

OP please drop it. I can agree crooked teeth aren’t great, for cosmetic/social reasons, also functional. They are harder to keep clean and more prone to decay. BUT, your daughter’s mental heath is at stake. Focus on her full recovery, getting to a good place with food, loving her body, building your relationship. When she is ready for braces, even if she is a young adult by then, be there for her and help support her with it (if she needs and wants the support).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. And again, Invisalign will never be an option, at least if I’m paying for anything.

We had previously talked about eventually getting braces. I think most recently, we talked a few months ago. Her reaction took me by complete surprise. I agree that I want her to have agency over her body (except for the starving yourself part). I just don’t know that she can make a mature decision right now.

I’m now thinking maybe a consultation would give us information about whether this is merely cosmetic or not (assuming the ortho will be completely honest).

The other possibility is that she isn’t mature enough for braces right now.

Yikes.

I'm sure you love your daughter, but do you like her at all?

It sounds like she knows you really don't want her to have braces and its best to say no. If its the same cost, why not allow her to choose. That is our plan with our child. We'll discuss all the options and then decide. You have to teach her how to take care of them and make it easy so she doesn't lose them with a proper case and helping her keep track of it. Your child already has body issues. Maybe you are part of the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A kid with a history of anorexia has body and self-esteem issues. Braces would be bad for this kid and I would not push them (even if her concerns were entirely irrational). If you force your kid, you would likely waste your money and the treatment would fail. Just let the kid get her teeth decide when she is ready.

If her teeth are an issue and she has body and self-esteem issues it makes all the more sense to get them fixed. She probably wants Invisalign and mom says no. Mom is probably difficult and she knows its best to say no.

[Anonymous]

My children do not get to decide about medical issues. That's my job as a parent. If I say you need braces, you're getting braces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children do not get to decide about medical issues. That's my job as a parent. If I say you need braces, you're getting braces.

Braces aren't a medical issue.

[Anonymous]

The level of ignorance on this thread is breathtaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My children do not get to decide about medical issues. That's my job as a parent. If I say you need braces, you're getting braces.

Braces aren't a medical issue.

Sometimes they are.