I am becoming a crabby old crone annoyed by children

[Anonymous]

I am 59 and had my only child daughter at 37. I was/am an anxious, micro-managing helicopter/snowplow mother who read every child development book, enrolled dd in every possible enrichment, wrote her college essays, etc.- you get the picture. Despite my anxiety, her childhood/young adulthood has provided me with a deep, abiding sense of joy and purpose.

So why do I now find young children and families mildly irritating? I smile at them benevolently at restaurants, in public, etc., because I feel that this is somehow the maternal response children should elicit from me. I offer to help when I see a Mom overwhelmed dragging a infant car seat and a toddler, open doors, etc. but internally I feel sort of judgy and critical. Most children seem sort of rabbity, and not even cute, barring a few obviously adorable babies. I know they are children and not really badly behaved, but I secretly think their parents are mismanaging things. Letting toddler children run behind them in a market parking lot or climbing on things that could be dangerous. I think a lot of parents are tattooed and trashy, but I don’t feel superior, just sad that I’ve become an old harridan.

I look into the future and semi-dread the prospect of grandchildren- loads of worry all over again. Is this because of my anxiety or because I had my child so late in life? My mother was the stereotypical loving Grandma in an apron baking cookies, dog on the couch, messy crafts type. Maybe I can shake of the internal ugly and emulate her when the time comes. Any one else adore their child but are decidedly meh about kids in general?

[Anonymous]

Because despite your memory of everything being wonderful despite your anxiety, somewhere in the back of your mind you're worried you were too controlling and pushy , etc. It's the pretty classic anxiety ridden over bearing mom. Judgy about people who didn't do things just like you. TBH, you should get your anxiety in check. Your daughter is going to do things differently than you. If you judge your daughter and try to cram your style of parenting down her throat, she will back away from you.

[Anonymous]

OP your post totally went in a different direction than I was expecting! All I can say was I loved babysitting kids when I was a very young teenager, then kind of got over it and was a little ambivalent about kids until I had my own. I fell hard for them. I can see myself getting ambivalent again. I mean, not everyone is cut out to be a kindergarten teacher, and that is ok. Different people connect with different ages (if you ever have grandkids). My FIL says he doesn't like babies until they're at least a year old, but that is because he's afraid he'll break the baby if he holds it. LOL!

[Anonymous]

I don't and never have liked other people's kids even when I had my own.

As for how you'll be as a grandma I wouldn't sweat it too much there are all different types of awesome grandparents.

[Anonymous]

I think we need to talk about why you wrote her college essays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't and never have liked other people's kids even when I had my own.

As for how you'll be as a grandma I wouldn't sweat it too much there are all different types of awesome grandparents.

+1. I'm a current mom of 5yo twins and I very much relate to your post. I'm wound pretty tight and I'm extremely good with certain parts of parenting, and terrible at others (I have anxiety/depression, and probably some attention issues). My mom is and was much the same; she's in the process of moving closer to us and we talked recently about how she feels ill-tuned for this and she was lamenting how bad she's been at it so far -- but it seems to me (and the kids) shd's been great. Grandparent seems to be a role you can fit really well to your own personalty, style, and strengths, so long as you're on the same page with your child/grandchild's parents on the plan (sometimes easier said than done).

[Anonymous]

You can be like my mom who couldn't care less about her grandchild and never see them..

[Anonymous]

Well I'm only 41, OP, my kids are 10 and 15, and I feel like I'm on the same path as you in judging other parents... but never little children. They're cute as buttons, and I miss having one around the house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we need to talk about why you wrote her college essays.

Op. They were college admission essays. Still not defensible, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we need to talk about why you wrote her college essays.

Op. They were college admission essays. Still not defensible, I know.

NP- I know this isn't funny but still it made me chuckle a bit. I think there are a lot of us who want to do this kind of thing, or at one point in our parenting experience wanted to do this kind of thing, even if we don't. Thanks for reminding me I'm not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we need to talk about why you wrote her college essays.

Op. They were college admission essays. Still not defensible, I know.

I promised myself I would not do this. Luckily I’ve interfered a little too much in their school writing that my kids will never let me near their admissions essays! I hope that interference will pay off

[Anonymous]

I am a mom of two middle schoolers, and generally, I agree with OP completely about other people's children.

While I sincerely love and care about my close friends' kids, (and by close friends, I mean people we vacation with or have known forever) most other kids under the age of 6 annoy the snot out of me. I'm not above shooting a dirty look at moms.

I spent a TON of time and energy teaching my children that public spaces are SHARED spaces and to respect other's rights in those areas.

They learned early on to not treat the grocery store, the library, or the mall like their private play area.

Parents who can't be bothered to teach their children this are not my people. Some parents truly think the world revolves around them and we all must suffer equally while their child has a tantrum in Target or runs around the restaurant or library at full speed screaming.

For this reason, I can barely even tolerate being around my in-law's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't and never have liked other people's kids even when I had my own.

As for how you'll be as a grandma I wouldn't sweat it too much there are all different types of awesome grandparents.

+1

Most parents think you find their grating, over the top and never corrected children delightful - that is on them, not you, OP.

If you were a very good parent, you will be a very good grandparent. As for those who sucked as parents - you can tell which - because they pretty much suck at being grandparents, too.

You will be fine, OP.

[Anonymous]

Well the good news is I don't want you around my kids. I find people like you insufferable. Win win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't and never have liked other people's kids even when I had my own.

As for how you'll be as a grandma I wouldn't sweat it too much there are all different types of awesome grandparents.

+1

Most parents think you find their grating, over the top and never corrected children delightful - that is on them, not you, OP.

If you were a very good parent, you will be a very good grandparent. As for those who sucked as parents - you can tell which - because they pretty much suck at being grandparents, too.

You will be fine, OP.

Maybe I'm the only one who doesn't think OP was a great mother. She sounds over bearing, controlling, and judgemental. Or maybe I just grew up with a mom exactly like OP and I know the dark sides to it.