I am becoming a crabby old crone annoyed by children

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of it is your anxiety. With your own kid it manifested in control and doing all the things you did to "fix@ things. With other peoples kids you cant fix them or the situation so it bothers you. Its ok.

[Anonymous]

Far to many American Children are entitled brats so it understandable.

[Anonymous]

When and if you have grandchildren, there is no requirement that you put on an apron and bake cookies. You'll probably like them more than other people's children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we need to talk about why you wrote her college essays.

Op. They were college admission essays. Still not defensible, I know.

Did it work out well? I am probably doing the same for my son since I just don’t trust him to do it well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am 59 and had my only child daughter at 37. I was/am an anxious, micro-managing helicopter/snowplow mother who read every child development book, enrolled dd in every possible enrichment, wrote her college essays, etc.- you get the picture. Despite my anxiety, her childhood/young adulthood has provided me with a deep, abiding sense of joy and purpose.

So why do I now find young children and families mildly irritating? I smile at them benevolently at restaurants, in public, etc., because I feel that this is somehow the maternal response children should elicit from me. I offer to help when I see a Mom overwhelmed dragging a infant car seat and a toddler, open doors, etc. but internally I feel sort of judgy and critical. Most children seem sort of rabbity, and not even cute, barring a few obviously adorable babies. I know they are children and not really badly behaved, but I secretly think their parents are mismanaging things. Letting toddler children run behind them in a market parking lot or climbing on things that could be dangerous. I think a lot of parents are tattooed and trashy, but I don’t feel superior, just sad that I’ve become an old harridan.

I look into the future and semi-dread the prospect of grandchildren- loads of worry all over again. Is this because of my anxiety or because I had my child so late in life? My mother was the stereotypical loving Grandma in an apron baking cookies, dog on the couch, messy crafts type. Maybe I can shake of the internal ugly and emulate her when the time comes. Any one else adore their child but are decidedly meh about kids in general?

Maybe your daughter won’t have kids or will have them at the same age you did which would be what 15 years from now? Why are you worried about grandchildren like they’re arriving any day now?

Ok, I get it you have anxiety. But this is something I think you can safely put off worrying about til if/when it actually happens. Lots of people don’t like young kids and don’t like others’ kids besides their own and judge others’ parenting...big deal. Maybe you’ll wind up loving being a grandmother and totally surprise yourself with how much you enjoy it. It’s certainly a lot easier being a grandparent than a parent as you can choose how much involvement you want to have and you don’t have to/get to make the decisions regarding parenting anymore. Just don’t be like my kids’ grandfather and be a hypercritical, overbearing know-it-all, not picky jerk to your grandkids because then they won’t like you and your daughter probably won’t either.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for all of your thoughtful replies. I am working on being less solipsistic and ruminating about things I can’t control. It helps to hear other women have similar feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am 59 and had my only child daughter at 37. I was/am an anxious, micro-managing helicopter/snowplow mother who read every child development book, enrolled dd in every possible enrichment, wrote her college essays, etc.- you get the picture. Despite my anxiety, her childhood/young adulthood has provided me with a deep, abiding sense of joy and purpose.

So why do I now find young children and families mildly irritating? I smile at them benevolently at restaurants, in public, etc., because I feel that this is somehow the maternal response children should elicit from me. I offer to help when I see a Mom overwhelmed dragging a infant car seat and a toddler, open doors, etc. but internally I feel sort of judgy and critical. Most children seem sort of rabbity, and not even cute, barring a few obviously adorable babies. I know they are children and not really badly behaved, but I secretly think their parents are mismanaging things. Letting toddler children run behind them in a market parking lot or climbing on things that could be dangerous. I think a lot of parents are tattooed and trashy, but I don’t feel superior, just sad that I’ve become an old harridan.

I look into the future and semi-dread the prospect of grandchildren- loads of worry all over again. Is this because of my anxiety or because I had my child so late in life? My mother was the stereotypical loving Grandma in an apron baking cookies, dog on the couch, messy crafts type. Maybe I can shake of the internal ugly and emulate her when the time comes. Any one else adore their child but are decidedly meh about kids in general?

Sorry for my suspicions, but somehow this doesn't read like something a 59 year old would write.

[Anonymous]

1 - you probably don’t need to worry too much about your own grandkids bc your DD will keep you away. She won’t want you controlling and micromanaging her mothering or her kids.

2 - Little kids are just annoying sometimes. They just are. Everything single person who is posting on this thread - your kid was annoying. Even when you think they were being the cutest and entertaining shoppers,diners or people in public, nope, they were being annoying and people were smiling and saying nice things but internally thinking “god that kid is annoying - parents really ought to teach better manners “

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1 - you probably don’t need to worry too much about your own grandkids bc your DD will keep you away. She won’t want you controlling and micromanaging her mothering or her kids.

2 - Little kids are just annoying sometimes. They just are. Everything single person who is posting on this thread - your kid was annoying. Even when you think they were being the cutest and entertaining shoppers,diners or people in public, nope, they were being annoying and people were smiling and saying nice things but internally thinking “god that kid is annoying - parents really ought to teach better manners “

Agree on the second part. Parents, your kids are only cute to you, and you only.

[Anonymous]

I hate other people's kids. I also feel judgy about them somewhat. There's quite a few I love very much, though. I adore my own kids and can't wait for grandkids.

I think a lot of this is your anxiety. It sounds really intense. I think I'm the opposite of anxious (if that's a thing?). I'm pretty much convinced my kids will turn out great and nothing is going wrong.

[Anonymous]

I've always been meh about other people's kids. I am absolutely crazy about my own but even now most kids irritate me. I'm not an asshole though, so I don't judge struggling young parents who are doing the best they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we need to talk about why you wrote her college essays.

Op. They were college admission essays. Still not defensible, I know.

Did it work out well? I am probably doing the same for my son since I just don’t trust him to do it well.

Don't cheat. Your child doesn't deserve to take the spot of someone who actually did the work and did it well. Just admit you raised someone who can't function or perform well enough to handle an essay or two and work on fixing that while your child is still at home. Do you seriously think that they will change when they get to university or will you keep doing their work for them? If they can't handle an admissions essay maybe they should take a gap year and mature a bit more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am 59 and had my only child daughter at 37. I was/am an anxious, micro-managing helicopter/snowplow mother who read every child development book, enrolled dd in every possible enrichment, wrote her college essays, etc.- you get the picture. Despite my anxiety, her childhood/young adulthood has provided me with a deep, abiding sense of joy and purpose.

So why do I now find young children and families mildly irritating? I smile at them benevolently at restaurants, in public, etc., because I feel that this is somehow the maternal response children should elicit from me. I offer to help when I see a Mom overwhelmed dragging a infant car seat and a toddler, open doors, etc. but internally I feel sort of judgy and critical. Most children seem sort of rabbity, and not even cute, barring a few obviously adorable babies. I know they are children and not really badly behaved, but I secretly think their parents are mismanaging things. Letting toddler children run behind them in a market parking lot or climbing on things that could be dangerous. I think a lot of parents are tattooed and trashy, but I don’t feel superior, just sad that I’ve become an old harridan.

I look into the future and semi-dread the prospect of grandchildren- loads of worry all over again. Is this because of my anxiety or because I had my child so late in life? My mother was the stereotypical loving Grandma in an apron baking cookies, dog on the couch, messy crafts type. Maybe I can shake of the internal ugly and emulate her when the time comes. Any one else adore their child but are decidedly meh about kids in general?

Honestly, OP - I think it is hormones. I spent my life as a SAHM, and leading Girl Scout Troops, teaching Sunday School, etc. Loved kids. Since menopause, I have the same problem as you when I hear them crying, screaming in my yard, etc.